Miami has long been the unofficial fake boob capital of the country, probably the world (nice try, Caracas).Now, however, the Transportation Security Administration says that terrorists may be plotting suicide bombings using surgical implants.Suddenly our artificially enhanced paradise is looking scarier than a dark alley in Mazar-i-Sharif, Afghanistan…
Let’s not sugarcoat our words: The report released yesterday by Trust for America’s Health and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation (RWJF) is just more fodder for the notion that Americans are disgustingly obese people who simply cannot stop stuffing their dumb faces with fake, horrible, lardaceous foods. The proof is…
Based on what happened at yesterday’s Miami-Dade County Commission meeting, there is no way the taxpayers are getting their money back. Let’s face it, folks: The county is not going to sue or cut off the Marlins at this point, which is why county commissioners approved issuing $42 million in…
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…
l carajo,” translates to the crow’s nest of a Spanish Gallion. Almost everyone knows, however, that it is slang for almost anything too far away or crappy (as in “vete para carajo” or “go to hell”). That pretty much summed up my experience at El Carajo, the tapas restaurant hidden in the…
Letters from the issue of July 7, 2011
Miami cops beat 85-year-old lady turned ninja assassin
More than a month after he was executed outside his North Miami venue, The Literary Cafe and Poetry Lounge, Will “Da Real One” Bell’s murder remains a mystery. Last week, Crimestoppers of Miami put up a $1,000 reward for any information on the suspects. Family and friends of the slain…
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke lets Miami police officers know there are bigger threats to their safety than 85-year-old grandmothers.Don’t let Hazel…
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…
Apples and Oranges Look out: It’s unfortunate there are schools like the ones you describe that use McKay vouchers from the state (“Rotten to the Core,” Gus Garcia-Roberts,” June 23). If there were more accountability, maybe these schools wouldn’t exist. I’m sure all of us taxpayers would rather spend a…
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke wages war against the nonblack elites. If you are an African-American civic leader in Miami, you’re better…
The swag-hop absurdists of rap collective Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them are once again being called out for what critics decry as misogyny and homophobia in their lyrics. A few months ago, Sara, from Tegan and Sara, wrote a blog attacking Tyler The Creator, as well as his music…
Carlos Gimenez won’t get sworn in as mayor until at least Friday, but he is already getting to work. Blogger Elaine de Valle reports Gimenez will be meeting today with County Manager Alina Hudak to start work on the budget which has to be presented to the county commission in…
The BET Awards were held this past Sunday and some really confusing, awkward shit went down in the middle of granting the Viewer’s Choice Award. Some fans were invited onstage to announce this year’s winner, which at first was Chris Brown. But only a few seconds after Brown received the…
Today is your last chance to decide which of the least suckiest candidates for county mayor you want to vote for. Yesterday, we told you how Julio Robaina shoved it to the taxpayers.Well, Carlos Gimenez has done his fair share of giving it to us with no Vaseline as well…
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke wages war against Miami’s elitist secret society.If you are an African American civic leader in Miami, you’re…
You know Miami-Dade politics is a joke when the county mayor’s race comes down to which guy sucks less. If you’re into a Cuban version of Arthur Fonzerelli with his own private shadow bank, you’ll vote for Julio Robaina. If you’re interested in the fire chief version of recently ousted…
Yelp started as a great way to spread the word on favorite restaurants and insider tips (ask for the veal, not generally on the menu or the waiter will bring you sparkling water at no extra charge). We laughed at and loved the reviews, but sometimes it seemed like Yelpers…
In his most recent column, Luther Campbell claims that Homestead City Councilman Jimmie Williams III, who supports Carlos Gimenez for mayor, offered him a $40,000 appearance fee to show up at the elected official’s soon-to-be-opened Snapper’s seafood restaurant at 800 Ives Dairy Road. Williams allegedly made the offer following a…
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…
More than a decade-and-a-half of being on the lam finally caught up to James “Whitey” Bulger. The F.B.I. announced today that they nabbed the 81-year-old Boston mobster in Santa Monica by focusing on locating his longtime girlfriend, who was arrested with Bulger. His brutal ways were depicted on the silver…
