Yesterday, we finally heard Donna Shalala comment on Hurricane Nevin, the category 5 storm of a man who released the Kraken on her and Canes nation. You’d think a lady who worked in the Clinton Administration would know how to do a little damage control. Instead, the University of Miami…
Uncle Luke loves Lady Gaga
Reader mail: Perhaps this Tea Party has more than the usual share of kooks
Scam artist Nevin Shapiro’s allegations detailed in Yahoo! Sports might end the University of Miami football program. Or maybe not. As New Times showed this past December in a lengthy magazine-style piece, Shapiro is “the epitome of a Magic City con artist: a hard-partying, tasteless, status-obsessed gambler with a lust for…
Nevin Shapiro wishes he could wear my shorts for one day. The New Jersey-born Napoleon dubbed himself “Little Luke” in a so-called investigative report by Yahoo! Sports claiming all sorts of corrupt shit Shapiro committed while he was a booster of the University of Miami athletics program.The claims even include…
To sidestep union demands and deal with its burgeoning financial crisis, the City of Miami declared a situation of financial urgency. It is the second straight year the city has done this. The idea stinks. (The text of Martinez’s declaration follows the jump.) It gives the union 14 days to…
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke expounds on the greatness of Lady Gaga.In this age of digital media, when you can download any…
Last night, noise swami Frank “Rat Bastard” Falestra appeared to Crossfade in a strange dream.He didn’t say anything. But even if he did, it would have been drowned out by the sound of his hands (which were, uh, made of broccoli) forcing his four-string telecaster to cry out in tongues.Skull-cap…
Sometimes lawyers are better off giving nosy reporters a “no comment.” Thankfully, Kent Harrison Robbins had plenty to say about the VIP decals distributed by Beach Towing, one of two universally reviled towing companies in Miami Beach.Robbins, who represents the company, says Beach Towing has handed out “thousands” of decals…
Editor’s Note: In this blog post, Miami New Times did not imply or intend to imply that Beach Towing violated the law by distributing VIP parking decals. Beach Towing’s attorney says the decals identify “the owners of vehicles who reside at certain condominiums in contrast to persons who are parked…
We don’t know who Gary Shirley is. We don’t know why a show sensationalizing the exploits of poor, uneducated teenagers clearly unfit to be parents is so popular. We don’t know why anyone connected to this show has $5,000 and then would blow it all at a strip club. We…
Jovens Esperance. The name sounds so innocent, like something Salma Hayek might whisper into your ear on a lazy Sunday morning. Or like the name of a Catalan charity devoted to taking thugs from the streets of Barcelona and turning them into five-star restaurateurs.Chef! This soufle is delicious. My compliments!Don’t…
Jack McKeon, the 80-year-old interim manager of the Florida Marlins, is Riptide’s interim semiregular columnist. This week’s topic: the San Francisco Giants. I was on the bullpen phone with Corny the other day when he reminded me that San Francisco is coming to town. I just about barfed my chaw…
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series…
There is a new, mysterious player in Miami electioneering. According to Miami city Commissioner Marc Sarnoff’s most recent quarterly finance report, his re-election campaign paid $23,409 between May 11 and June 29 for “promotional materials” to a company called Rodman. The firm lists its address at 201 S. Biscayne Blvd.,…
Luke’s Gospel: Miami Dolphins will suck this season
Reader mail: Real estate fraud is “bigger than ever”
Thirty years ago today, the Miami-Dade morgue had more dead bodies than it could handle. So to keep the surplus cadavers on ice, the medical examiner’s office leased a refrigerated truck. The $800-a-month rental was a symbol of Miami’s ignominious distinction as the nation’s murder capital, largely as a result…
In today’s Miami Herald, you’ll find an article by Miami City Hall beat reporter Charles Rabin that blathers on about Mayor Tomás Regalado’s allegedly unflappable resiliency. Rabin, late to the game by a week, notes Regalado is facing a recall threat from the police and fire unions as the city faces…
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke assesses the sad state of Miami’s NFL franchise.While AFC division rivals the New England Patriots and the…
In this third installment of his web cooking series, Vegan Black Metal Chef once again unleashes the powers of seitan to make tempura asparagus sushi.As he growls and sings through the recipe, Vegan Black Metal Chef shows us how to make wasabi at home (because the green stuff in a…
Former American Idol judge Simon Cowell scoured America this summer looking for contestants for his new singing show, The X Factor. We’re not sure if he found any future Kelly Clarksons when he visited Miami, but he did discover a now angry and litigious father-and-son duo. Stephen Marks, 54, and his…
