Ten years ago, while living in a civilized country (Belgium), The Bitch read a book by Coerte V.W. Felske called The Shallow Man. In what the tome-loving hound took to be outrageous, over-the-top hyperbole, Shallow’s protagonist Nick Laws is depicted as a party promoter driven to bed supermodels (which he…
The Bitch regrets everything about 2005, regrets it the way the recently RIPped Stan “Tookie” Williams regrets saying he didn’t much care for The Terminator movies. Thus she is all wags and wiggles in greeting 2006 — and so far, at least The Year of the Dog has not disappointed,…
Yeah, Uh-huh Unmitigated impudence is what we live for: In response to the comic strip “Get Your War On” in the December 1 issue: It says, “Which Iraqis are you gonna ask?… The old ladies who won’t stop yelling about how we accidentally killed their kids?” I do not believe…
Stephen Kopczynski’s encounter with homelessness began this past summer as an exercise in self-actualization. The 49-year-old native New Yorker who works in Miami-Dade and Broward counties as an air conditioner repairman enrolled in a class at The Forum, the most recent incarnation of the mind-control indoctrination cult once called est…
Bird Brains Can be enormous, you cuckoo: Just a note to thank you for including my recent winter vacation plans in your column “The Bitch” (December 22). The visit was, sadly, short-lived, but still just the thing I needed to lift my spirits. Ever heard of Seasonal Affected Disorder, commonly…
When The Bitch schedules her peregrinations around South Beach to include three parties and some holiday shopping, it is not possible to be fabulously late to each soiree. Paws need to hit the buffet table at the early end of the 7:00-to-10:00 p.m. spectrum if The Bitch is going to…
‘Tis the Season … To be biased: Although addressing the topic of religious displays would be fine, Mariah Blake made absolutely no effort to be unbiased in her story “Bah, Humbug” (December 8). Journalism is defined as “The style of writing … consisting of direct presentation of facts or occurrences…
The Bitch likes a good Spanish-language variety show now and then, a little Don Francisco to lighten up her Sábado Gigante, but it wasn’t until she began tuning into El Show de Fernando Hidalgo that she understood how colorful, how delightful, how varied a variety show can be — and…
Teele Again Free weekly sells out: I was hooked on the New Times after reading it for the first time. I believed it was a refreshing change from the Herald. The New Times has the cojones to report what the Herald will not and will go deeper into the story…
What’s Right? Klein is right: I read Lee Klein’s article “What’s the Matter with Miami?” (November 24) with the obvious chagrin of a local foodie — because the comments ring true. Miami’s restaurant culture needs to mature if it wishes to be part of the growing food movement taking place…
By a very slim margin, art defeated artifice at Art Basel Miami Beach 2005. Dramatic visuals and environments easily surpassed the marathon of parties and decadence. The December 2 party thrown by Perrier-Jout champagne at the Delano featured a fascinating fountain installation (with water, not bubbly) as well as a…
Foodies Call No Lillet? Not fair: Regarding Lee Klein’s story “What’s the Matter with Miami?” (November 24): The ten points he raised about why Miami has never matured into a great restaurant city were right on the button. I would like to contribute an eleventh point for restaurateurs to consider,…
Stephanie Teele is an ethereally beautiful woman. She has ocean blue, almost translucent eyes; gentle features; and a kind, modest face etched deeply with sorrow. As she looks north from a Brickell Avenue skyscraper across the city where her husband — long Miami’s most prominent African-American politician — committed the…
Hello, Lunkhead Don’t forget the bettor: Regarding Forrest Norman’s “No Horse Race” (November 17): The Daily Racing Form just announced it looks like the new facilities at Gulfstream Park will not be ready for the track’s grand opening the first week of January. This is a crushing blow to Gulfstream,…
Alcohol dulls pain, but not persistent ennui. And so it was no surprise to find The Bitch idling in Gatsbyesque moodiness, champagne in hand, at the edge of the Antoni family mansion’s dock during this past Saturday’s closing party for the Miami Book Fair International. Fortunately the sulky saluki was…
X Out That Alex Stuff It was soooo long ago: I am writing because I fail to see relevance in reporting the information Trevor Aaronson did in his article “Videogames: Just Say No” (November 10). The piece started out okay — quoting from the Senate bill put forward by Alex…
The Bitch is a big fan of the “Look Book” feature in New York magazine; the two-page full-color spreads capturing the personal style statements of sartorially outspoken Manhattanites adorn the walls of her doghouse. So imagine the clothes hound’s delight when the November 7 subject was none other than part-time…
No Hobos Here Get it straight, free weekly: I read Francisco Alvarado’s “Charity and Checkpoint” (November 3). There were clearly serious problems at Camillus House under Dale Simpson’s tenure. The decisions to hire and initially defend him reflect poorly on the Little Brothers. When they saw the error of their…
Pleated pants, flip-flops worn anyplace more than 25 feet from an ocean, backward-facing baseball caps inexplicably impervious to air turbulence in the backs of pickup trucks — all of these sartorial errors earn an effortless snarl and a derisive curled lip from the Anthropologie-doting canine. But, being a dog and…
Stormy Static Generating controversy: In response to your lead story regarding Wilma, “Hurricane Voyeurism” (October 27), I offer the following: Human selfishness wasn’t washed away by the storm. When it comes to generator etiquette, I wish people would wake up and smell the coffee. After Wilma careened through town like…
When it had two publishers, Ego Miami magazine was the perfect Freudian synthesis. Fun-loving David Harris was the hedonistic id, and rational-minded David Bick was the cautious superego. The pocket-size tome, with a circulation in the free-distribution-pile-at-Browne’s low ten thousands, actually reflected a more Ego Miami Beach persona, containing as…
First a rock smashed the front window. Then, after a metal shutter was slammed shut, a bottle exploded against it. Then another. And another. A thousand Haitians burst through a police barricade one steamy summer Saturday in 1990 and swarmed a storefront off Biscayne Boulevard. Inside, as muscular Cuban-American shopkeeper…
