Just northwest of Homestead and Florida City, in the delicate agricultural buffer between the suburbs and the Everglades known as the Redland, lies the Schnebly Winery, the southernmost wine-making operation in the United States. This is where The Bitch headed this past Tuesday when a wave of homesickness for the…
If you’re a female human and you wear flip-flops to the office, at a wedding, to worship services, or to the store, it means you’re lazy, slack, and a total slob. But if you’re a male human wearing flip-flops (or the “formal” cousin of the zori, the mandal) more than…
Art Star The collected works are coming: I was reading your art capsules and wanted to say congratulations to Carlos Suarez De Jesus on his fine and thoughtful writing. Someone should write about his work at some point. Hopefully he would agree. Tina Spiro Miami The 52nd State Indefinite detention…
Back in high school, I used to skip senior events to go to an abandoned building by myself and paint up a wall with graffiti,” says Enrique Mastrapa. “I went to Overtown one day and did this mural of my tag name in big block letters. Then one day I…
Hot Madonna Big bucks for a steamy night: In response to the Bitch’s “Scare Premium” (July 27): My wife and I had the misfortune to sit in the upper deck for the Sunday Madonna concert. Unable to withstand the heat (no pun intended) at the AA Arena, we had to…
When he lived in Miami, he was known as Mario Lavandeira, a self-described “z-lister” who attended Belen Jesuit Preparatory School. “I was the big, gay, fat kid in an all-boy Jesuit school, so my friends were all the ones in, like, the drama club … they weren’t even all in…
At Privé (136 Collins Ave., Miami Beach) on a recent Friday, a handsome, tall, tawny-skinned man swept Rampage onto the dance floor. His name was not easily ascertained. He shouted something, but it was inaudible. Patrice, Morris, Laurence, and Horace (I know, who’s named Horace?) were all hypotheses I shouted…
More Dust Herman is a gold digger! Forrest Norman’s article “Yeshiva Dustup” (July 13) wonderfully portrays dashing, superfly, gold-digging attorney Jeffrey Herman as the greedy lawyer he is. Herman has piggy-backed onto the fashionable, trendy pedophile witch-hunt industry started by Fox TV’s Bill O’Reilly. This has become a cash cow…
On a recent Wednesday, The Bitch checked out an event called the Lo McXimo de la Música concert series preview at Studio A. Why? Because she wanted to see Natalie and Nicole Albino, the teen identical twin sisters from Queens who sing under the name Nina Sky. In summer 2004…
A striking, five-column color photo was splashed across the Sunday, June 25 edition of El Nuevo Herald. It showed four spandex-clad prostitutes in Cuba hailing a foreign tourist. Just a few feet away, two policemen conversed with a little girl and a woman. The headline: “Hookers: The Sad Meat of…
Foie Outrage A Shakespearean rant: In reference to “Foie Wars” by Lee Klein (July 13): How long do we have to go on abusing animals in the name of what the people want? Come on. Doesn’t anyone have any sensitivity anymore? When is the insanity going to stop? Force-feeding ducks,…
It’s Sunday night. The rains have begun, and the year’s first named storm has passed without blowing away any football stadiums or even lawn ornaments. Still, the bullshit flies farther and faster than a garden gnome in a 120-mile-per-hour gale at Billy’s Pub Too (732 NE 125th St., North Miami)…
No Tranquility by the Bay Saved a marriage: I am writing in response to the article by Joanne Green, “Rough Love” (June 22). We have a daughter who has been at Tranquility Bay for the past thirteen months. I can tell you that sending her there is the best thing…
When The Bitch heard that employees of three prominent CocoWalk eateries had been busted for running informal pharmacological operations, she got on the case; the touristy shopping zone may not contain a Nordstrom, but, hey, it’s within trotting distance. Robert Loupo, cochairman of the All-Grove Crime Watch group, sends out…
The Bitch was executing a Tokyo Drift-style parking-lot maneuver this past Wednesday night, which caused the Wire album embedded in the Bitchmobile’s CD player to become dislodged and fly out the window, thereby becoming the property of Walgreens. The consequence of this sequence of events was positive, though. The FM…
Minority Uproar-ity Parity works: I’d like to clarify some issues Chuck Strouse raised in his column “Wrong Way Out” (June 29), about the National Association of Hispanic Journalists’ Parity Project. Parity’s goal is to go after the nation’s “worst offenders” — the newspapers throughout the country that have the fewest…
It’s Wednesday night at the Purdy Lounge (1811 Purdy Ave., Miami Beach) and the faces are decidedly young. The weathered recliners that pepper the rectangular room may even be older than the asses nestled in them. Price, a local boy band composed of five stringy-haired guitarists and a drummer, stands…
Tranquil No More A parent’s remorse: Joanne Green’s “Rough Love” (June 22) article was compelling, moving, heart-wrenching — excellent reporting. Green wrote a story that brought me to tears. Over the past six years I have read more than 200 articles on WWASPS. Some are excellent, some are vague, but…
It sounds great. Prod media companies to hire more Hispanics and improve relations with the Latino community. Indeed, in just the past three years foundations have forked out more than $1.3 million to support this noble idea through a national effort called the Parity Project. Problem is, it ain’t working…
Lip augmentation, probably the most common cosmetic procedure performed in South Florida, is trickier than the proliferation of Paris pouts here might suggest. Too little filler and you’ve got a kisser full of needle pricks; too much and you look like the owner of a South Beach modeling agency. The…
Miami = Switzerland At least if you’re Mormon: Francisco Alvarado’s article about Mormon missionaries, “Sidewalk Salvation” (June 15), was great. The writer has a unique and fresh way of writing. He did a good job of describing their daily lives. My son is on a mission in Switzerland, and it…
The words epic and classic — favorite Bitch exclamations for happenings with high and very low extremes of social entertainment value — can barely be applied to this past Saturday night’s iteration of the Wynwood Art/Design District gallery walk. It was appropriately held under a full moon amid intermittent interludes…
