The hurricane relief social weekend, high-purpose pleasure, parties of the staunchest moral caliber. Saint Gloria orchestrating a massive relief concert at Joe Robbie Stadium, featuring Jimmy Buffett, comedian Paul Rodriguez, Celia Cruz, the Bee Gees, and just about every other known available entertainer. History in the making, but to a…
ROSE GIVES NAVARRO HIS PINK SLIP After reading Rafael Navarro’s latest restaurant review (“8 Million Ways to Fry,” September 23) — or should I say “restaurant demolition”? — I am convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt of his closeted sexual preference. The venom spewed forth by this gastronomic queen…
Zombie Birdhouse, Three Penny Opera, Mari Serpas and the Instigators. The winning band would get $1000, a cool guitar by a famous-name manufacturer, et cetera, courtesy of the booze company Tanqueray. As one of three extinguished judges, I probably shouldn’t do this, but I’ll tell you that I gave the…
South Beach, and the curfew incident, the ultimate moratorium on pleasure, passes into legend. Suffering from the doubly painful withdrawal of being encouraged to limit phone use and not being able to drink during prime-time hours, one prominent local reportedly breaking down at Paragon: “What do you mean you’re not…
FETISHES ON PARADE And speaking of miserable, self-indulgent cretins, how about those with deeply disturbing fetishes for thesauruses? You know the type: those who feel too threatened to use terms like “narcissistic,” “self-aggrandizing,” or “I could really use a good therapist.” They’re the same ones who also feel threatened by…
Just another funky day, as Greg Brown would sing. Dear diary: 8:30 a.m., car starts, gets me home. 9:00 a.m.: car won’t start. 9:00 to 10:30 a.m.: work on car. 10:30 a.m.: car still won’t start, screw it. Left knee stiff, left ear swollen with infection. Stop by McDonald’s for…
September in Miami, the hot bottom of the earth, and life is like an interminable Port St. Lucie dinner-theater production of No Exit, leavened somewhat by bright moments here and there. “Kaboom” at Warsaw. Club Anarchy in the Grove and Falcon’s Lair on South Beach opening with all due fanfare…
BULLDOZE THE BUREAUCRATS, NOT THE NEIGHBORHOODS Regarding Kirk Semple’s article about “The Shih Dynasty” (September 9): I live in the “forlorn” Miramar neighborhood. Have we learned nothing from the rebirth of South Beach? Renovation is not something that is done with a bulldozer! The city should be sued by the…
So I guess this mean’s WDNA-FM’s now off the air again. Ouch. And you thought it was over. Not yet. The National Association of Chiefs of Police is calling for a boycott of Time Warner’s HBO, requesting “Americans” to cancel the cable station because it has scheduled a series of…
The hunger for a good party, an appetite that unifies all of humanity. A miraculous alchemy, akin to a physics equation, the right mix of energy, sound, and friction. Like love, the best ones catch the unwary by surprise, and suddenly everyone in the room is stronger, better looking, blessedly…
MORGAN: BITCH GODDESS WITH A FINE MIND After reading Roberta Morgan’s hurricane stories — and also being a fan of her theater reviews, I know now that you have a gem, another great South Florida craftsman like Carl Hiaasen, Dave Barry, and in her case, perhaps even Hemingway himself. She’s…
Posthurricane, and everybody trying to figure out the haphazardly enforced curfew situation. As of this past Friday, the Metro-Dade Police Department had dropped the curfew (with the exception of Key Biscayne) for the coastal regions north of SW 104th Street. Up until September 2 — when Miami Beach City Manager…
SKIP, OLD BUDDY OLD PAL, YOU’VE OBVIOUSLY GOT TO GET OUT MORE It was with great interest that I read Steven Almond’s article about defaulted message boards (“I Have Defaulted…and I Can’t Get Up,” August 26). As an artist whose medium often involves such items as road signs, government-ese, and…
Something evil in our midst, as the dance to the music of the apocalypse goes on. Ten days that really shook the world, a hurricane of epic Miami proportions: biggest, flashiest, most sinister. The city returning to its natural state, an overinflated banana republic: martial law, looting, and armed troops…
MIAMI BEACH, 1972: THE EVE OF SELF-DESTRUCTION Regarding Steven Almond’s “Where Were You in ’72?” (August 19): I was at Flamingo Park for the Democratic and Republican conventions in 1972. While true that the death of political idealism was born in Miami Beach that year, it was suicide. Even as…
Sometimes I think the only way out is out. No whining here; think about it: I’ve got a cool job, a beautiful wife, a beautiful house, and I feel sometimes like I’m living in a Talking Heads song. I certainly should be the happiest dog in the pound. And then…
Haiti town, and life is loose and fast. Parties start late, time is a real relative concept, and the social graces are still observed, the soothing introductory endearment “c’est on plaisir” being thrown around a lot. Exile politics and nasty assassinations, the zenglendo, Duvalier-era thugs, stalking the politically incorrect. Some…
JOEY TO THE WORLD Jim DeFede did a memorable article on Joe Gersten, greatly revealing the background of the commissioner (“Gersten: The Real Story,” August 12). And the cover illustration by John Kleber should be framed and displayed in a gallery of New Times front pages. Ron Miller Miami THE…
Miami nightlife, doing that crazy tri-ethnic stomp. The Latin division cranking up with the Miss Hispanidad International Pageant, a Hispanic Heritage Festival production at the Fontainebleau Hilton’s Club Tropigala. Glitterama time, the room all tarted up with faux Roman sculptures, brass pillars, various recreations of atmospheric palm fronds in the…
Kids, you might not want to let your parents read today’s column. Things could get a little rough, just like real life. Most people who spend their evenings “smokin’ weed and drinkin'” end up fat and lazy, the television cable hooked intravenously to their flabby arms. Others get their eyeball…
REAGAN AND THE POLITICS OF CYNICISM I would like to amplify Ramon Cernuda’s assertion that the Reagan team in the early Eighties “wanted to counteract the policies of the Carter administration with regards to Cuba” (“The Art of Exile,” July 29). After eliminating or drastically reducing funding for many established…
So I call up the source: Me: “Sir, is it true that you embezzled thousands of dollars from tax coffers?” Him: “I categorically deny those allegations. But listen, while I got ya, do you have any idea how I might be able to get tickets to the Smashing Pumpkins/Chainsaw Kittens…
