Opinion & Commentary

Omnirific The new mall, just like the old mall: It’s been more than 100 years since poet George Santayana said, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” I thought of that after reading “Midtown Meltdown” (Francisco Alvarado, January 8). I’m referring to the Omni Mall, which…

To read past installments of Miami According to Brooklyn, click here.This week, we’re talking about how these fucking jackass kids hide behind their fucking computer monitor screens. First of all, we all know you’re a jackass if you’re talking shit on the Internet, and you don’t have enough balls to…

Usually, if a guy calls himself a pimp, he’s using a frat boy Urban Dictionary term for how he’s, like, totally good with the ladies. But when Big Red drops those four letters, he’s talking about the ten-plus years he has spent soliciting females’ bodies for money on the street…

At 11:45 this morning, Jackson Soul Food restaurant at 950 NW Third Ave. was standing-room-only. Overtown and Liberty City residents packed every booth, table, and counter inside the storied and recently  remodeled soul food eatery as they watched President Barack Obama’s inaugural ceremony on three brand-new flat-screen TV sets on…

Georgina Lee has been driving a cab for 32 years. Times have never been tougher for a Beach cabbie, the 55-year-old Cuban American attests. So please excuse her if she’s a bit bent out of shape with the rough treatment she’s been getting from Miami Beach’s finest.”We’re not making any…

Last night on the Real World ,local boy JD had a dramatic episode: trying to locate a mysterious buzzing, fighting over stolen condoms, paying drag queens for their kissing services, and hugging it out with a teary Mormon mother. But things turned dark when JD revealed that his father had…

For the past 28 years, Harold Rengifo has sold natural foods, vitamins, fresh juices, and herbal teas on Miami Beach. Throughout this time Rengifo’s Natural Life Center has operated from various retail locations, most recently at 405 15th Street, a storefront located between Drexel and Washington avenues. Never had a…

I like an afterparty as much I like playing Ms. Pacman. But, just like Ms. Pacman, afterparties have no ending. I love Ms. Pacman, but level after level, ghost after ghost — they just keep on, until I die. Afterparties are cool but hour after hour, smoke after smoke –…

Iranian Agent Bingo She lies: I don’t for a second believe any of Shahrzad Mir Gholikhan’s lies as described in Deirdra Funcheon’s January 8 story, “The Agent from Iran.” She was a translator — she knew exactly what was being said. These terrorists get away with murder all the time…

With a long plastic tube, a Swiss Army knife, and a highlighter, a six-foot five-inch 19-year-old named Big Fern can produce an apparatus that not only yields euphoria but also has the potential to do something truly miraculous: make a bag of Funyuns taste delicious. “Building a bong is easy,”…

We haven’t been watching much Bravo since the last (and final?) season of Project Runway, but sort-of-vain local chef Jeff is still in the running on Top Chef. Now he’ll have another Miami native joining him on the cable channel. Meet Laury, a 23-year-old “freelance model” who was born and…

To read past installments of Miami According to Brooklyn, click here. I want to talk this week about how the younger generation has no respect for the older generation. The younger kids coming up have no respect for the people who have been there, done that sort of thing. I…

MTV’s America’s Best Dance Crew is so successful that they tried to spin the concept off for America’s Top Pop Group. Local girl group Las Caprice made it on the show, but it sucked so much it abruptly came to an end after four episodes. How embarrassing. Well, the mother…

Times are really hard for ink-stained wretches in the musky Banana Republic we call Miami-Dade County. With the Miami Herald on the selling block and more layoffs expected early this year, MAP fizzling out, the ever-shrinking Miami SunPost, and even the bloodletting at New Times, being a local print journalist…

James DunnThe Long Ride Homewww.jamesdunnmusic.comEven the title boasts an air of familiarity, one that translates to the sound of the songs themselves. It breeds a connection that finds these muscular melodies recalling the angst-filled anthems of Bruce Springsteen as they might sound if sung by Jackson Browne. Indeed, there’s a…

Against All Authority has been keeping it real for over a decade and a half now, forming in the Magic City back in 1992, anchored mainly by bassist/vocalist Danny Lore and guitarist/vocalist Joe Koontz. While the band often gets easily lumped into the “ska-punk” category, it has mostly eschewed the…

To get an introduction to Jose El Rey (if you actually need one!) and to read previous installments of his weekly Crossfade column, Que Pasa, M.I.A?, click here. Against my better judgment and sense of comfort and convenience, I went camping. Into the woods. Into the night. With fire. And…

No Sympathy for the Piggies Naive city slickers: I was a bit disappointed at the slant Natalie O’Neill took in her December 25 article “Hog Huntin’.” It portrayed hunters as an irresponsible bunch with zero morality. The truth is there are as many types of hunters as there are people…

There are so many reality tv shows on network television these days, that I’ve really lost track. Apparently the Fox television network allows this ornery British chef Gordon Ramsay to have not one, but two reality series run on it’s airwaves. This second one which I’ve never heard of until…

To read past installments of Miami According to Brooklyn, click here. With the tattoo convention coming up this weekend in Miami, I want to talk about how these conventions are full of jackasses. I used to work for Eulogy Recordings, one of sponsors of it, and Madball is playing on…