A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, “What can I do for you?” The duck says, “Get this man out of my ass!”Two cannibals were eating a clown. One said to the other “Does this taste funny to you?”Grasshopper walks into a…
We skipped out last night on Adam 12’s (of She Wants Revenge) DJ set at LIV’s Wednesday night party Dirty Hairy in favor of catching Skream and Benga at White Room. But after reading Adam’s Twitter, we sort of wish we had. At some point last night, Adam tweeted: “Fuck…
A man of many beards and a million sunglasses, local blues rocker Uncle Scotchy is so rarely seen — truly seen — that some of you have begun to doubt his very existence. Admittedly, the guy’s an enigma wrapped in a riddle inside a nutshell buried at the center of…
Kareem Zarwi, manager and beverage director of Au Pied de Cochon recently sent a very gracious email in which he thanked me for the “clear assessment” of Pied in the New Times review. But the real reason he was writing was to let me know that he had “come across…
After the Fall Be strong: It’s sad to read about people taking their own lives (“Legends of the Fall,” Natalie O’Neill, September 10). Many suffer from feelings of loneliness and emptiness. How does one fill that emptiness? I wish I knew the answer. For years, I too have struggled with…
Tomorrow evening, Miami-Dade County Commissioners will finally set the budget for the upcoming year. We already know that Mayor Carlos Alvarez is proposing some seriously draconian cuts and will make good on his promise to lay of 1,700 employees, which does not bode well for south Florida, where the unemployment…
It’s high time we gave some link love to the other local music blogs out there. Look out for a weekly roundup here on Wednesdays. Know of another site we should add to our blog roll? (It’s on the right, scroll down). E-mail me and let me know. Here are…
The last time New Times caught up with New York transplant DJ Elle, she was still in the middle of transitioning down from the Big Bad Apple. But her Thursday residence at the Catalina (alongside Self Born) is now a bona fide success. And with her recent slot at both…
I generally let criticisms of my writing go unanswered, the attitude being that everyone has a right to gripe. Plus sometimes the criticisms are correct, and those that aren’t can be especially fun to read. I fully expect to raise a bit of a fuss when I write a post…
Jacobs Ladder is almost at the end of their national tour. Click here and here to read past installments of the band’s tour diary — and to hear their music, check out their MySpace page. These installments were penned by the band’s bassist, Sammy Gonzalez.Wednesday, September 2: General Thoughts on…
Apparently Daniel Bolaños hopes Hialeah voters have a short memory or don’t care about his checkered past. How else can one explain why the disgraced former cop is running for a seat on the city council? He is challenging councilwoman Katharine Cue, who was appointed to the council late last…
On October 20, NASCAR Champion Tony Stewart will test the authenticity of his preference for the WHOPPER® sandwich during a live polygraph as part of “The Tony Stewart School of Endorsements” ad campaign for sponsor Burger King. The one-hour webcast should be a hit with the driver’s fanbase and is the…
First, in 1993, a judge ordered a new election after determining camps for both Mayor Raul Martinez and challenger Nilo Juri had participated in absentee ballot tampering. Twelve years later, federal HUD officials investigated then-Hialeah Housing Authority director Alex Morales for forcing housing employees to campaign during working hours and…
No matter how cynical you’ve grown about the American justice system — let’s say, from watching a few too many episodes of The Wire — there are still stories coming out of Miami’s prison system that will make your jaw drop. Today, through a federal indictment, comes a tale of…
Ah, Twitter. How better to vicariously live through events you’re not attending, by reading the 140-character summaries posted by celebrities and people who aren’t really your friends? So if you missed the Future Classic Festival last Saturday — dammit, it was a trending topic locally, according to Happn.in — you…
It still amazes me how parents lull themselves into thinking that their children will be okay inside the Miami-Dade public school system, even at supposedly “safe havens” like Coral Gables Senior High, where one student stabbed a classmate to death earlier this morning.We live in a nihilistic age, and Miami-Dade…
Sweat Records, Miami1. Popular Songs, Yo La Tengo2. The Stone Roses 20th Anniversary Re-Issue, The Stone Roses3. A Strange Arrangement, Mayor Hawthorne4. Get Color, Health5. The Beatles Re-Issues, The BeatlesUncle Sam’s Music, South Beach1. The Blueprint 3, Jay-Z2. Cielo: Playtime, Various Artists3. I Look To You, Whitney Houston4. Fame, Lady…
The year is 1945 and Berlin falls to the allied troops as World War II comes to an end. Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun have one last glass of apple juice as they depart for the big ol’ Deutschland in the sky. I wonder what our old Führer would make…
“Begun in 2006 as a series of intimate, word-of-mouth chef gatherings at restaurants all across South Florida, Chefs Club Miami — now boasting a membership of more than 30 of the town’s culinary innovators and restaurant industry honchos — is proud to announce its recent partnership with Whole Foods Market…
The tepid race to replace Miami Mayor Manny Diaz could soon get a shot of Sazon if the chatter emanating from city hall is true. A handful of political consultants said earlier today that former Mayor Joe Carollo is seriously considering jumping into the contest. As of now, it looked like…
Trying to find parking in this town can be hell, but be thankful you’ve never been shot in the pursuit of a space, like a teenage girl outside White Room. Police are looking for leads.Our heart is still beating from that Miami-FSU game. Jim Greer decided to let his children be indoctrinated by…
The untimely demise of DIY venue Goo has left Miami’s young punks without an official clubhouse. Stepping into that void, there have been several semi-permanent and one-off party places — House of Pain and the Warehouse, for example — that ended up welcoming an orphan show or two. But, for…
