Here are some jokes we collected from across the internets. Happy Thanksgiving.-Why can’t you take a turkey to church?Because they use such FOWL language-What did the turkey say before it was roasted?Boy! I’m stuffed!-Imagine… if the Pilgrims had shot a bobcat instead of a Turkey, we’d be eating pussy for…
Scarlet Letters Pulp fiction: Regarding the cover story about the South Dade pimp and his brothel, “Gilded Cage” (Natalie O’Neill, November 19): Wow, is this real? What kind of journalist writes as if she is writing a best-selling book? Amazing story. The only problem — if indeed it is a…
Like the amplified and remixed white noise of a midnight tide shift as seen on TV, there are squalls and snarls of late-summer indie-pop bleeding from a bedroom studio in Macon, Georgia. All software synths, samples, drum machines, and dreamy vocal layers — this is the faraway, New Wave-y work…
The sad saga of Marlon “X-Large” Moore has come to an end with a decidedly un-X-large prison sentence.Moore, you may remember, was arrested this summer after one of the best diabolical schemes ever hatched somehow failed to net him a $14 trillion payday. Fresh out of the federal pen after…
Last night, Banana Republican spoke with a political consultant who worked on Francis Suarez’s campaign who insisted the new commissioner did not have private discussions with his new colleagues about who to pick to replace Angel Gonzalez.The city commission — down to three members with the ouster of Gonzalez and…
Moving Units is a weekly column on Crossfade tracking the best-selling albums at South Florida independent record stores. Top Five Albums for the Week of November 16 – 22 Sweat Records, Miami 1. Them Crooked Vultures, Them Crooked Vultures2. No Seasons LP, Jacuzzi Boys 3. Hearts, Awesome New Republic 4…
The opening night for the Modernesque Burlesque troupe at Respectable Street Saturday was a glamorous sequin-filled celebration of movement and the female body. It was also “new, fresh, and unused,” in the words of the cheeky mistress of ceremonies Torchy Taboo, age “none of your fucking business.” Looking like a…
Newly elected Miami City Commissioner Francis Suarez may have unwittingly scuttled plans to appoint a replacement for Angel Gonzalez, who last week resigned from the commission as part of his guilty plea deal with prosecutors.Commission Chairman Marc Sarnoff has called an emergency meeting for tomorrow to address the two commission…
Yesterday morning, Crossfade contributor Lee Zimmerman gave a pretty thorough run-down of Jackson Browne’s show this past Saturday at the Fillmore Miami Beach. Still, sometimes a YouTube video is worth a thousand words, and these two snippets capture a couple themes present in Zimmerman’s review. First, despite the solo-acoustic style…
Miami-Dade County commissioners are gearing up to revamp the Miami Metro Action Plan Trust, the social and economic redevelopment agency created in the wake of the racial riots that rocked the county during the ’80s.On December 1, the commission will vote to reconstitute the trust into the Miami-Dade Housing Civil…
They had a sign up: the lobsters were flown in. How cruel is that? Think about that — let’s say you’re a lobster, you’ve never been on an airplane before — what else can you think, but you’ve won the lobster sweepstakes? ~Richard JeniWith a wok, in the privacy of…
Lizard King Jim Morrison, one of the most influential American rock singers ever, was born in Melbourne, Florida on December 8, 1943.He went to UCLA film school, graduated, and hung out on Venice Beach, where he and Ray Manzarek started The Doors.There’s a famous incident that took place at Dinner…
This past Sunday I put together a show at the Poorhouse with two of the best rock and roll bands in South Florida, the Furious Dudes and Mad Martigan, both from Miami. They are both underrated but awesome, and needless to say the show was amazing, just a good time…
If you’ve ever heard a lobster’s scream as it’s cooked alive in boiling water or recognize the sound of claws hammering at the plate glass and steel of an oven door then you may have worked in a restaurant kitchen. The last time Short Order saw it happen was at…
Hack Job No license to steal: Regarding “Hackintosh” (Tim Elfrink, November 12): It would be interesting to see what would happen if someone tried to open a McDonald’s outlet without a franchise license. It’s really the same; one licenses the use of the work built into the McDonald’s name, logo,…
Mayor Tomas Regalado;’s new administration has made its first choice — and it’s a guy who ain’t likely to be too popular at the headquarters on NW Second Avenue. Miguel Exposito who parlayed a whistle blower suit into a the rank of major, will become new Miami police chief, multiple…
If cult movie messiah Alejandro Jodorowsky and PFFR co-produced a mass psychosis session in the secret subterranean tunnels that link Vizcaya Gardens to the Domino’s at NE 2nd Ave. and 34th, then Miami-bred psychedelicists Ice Cream would be named official jam band. As the authors of artfully shitty recordings like…
*Richard, a.k.a. Panic Bomber, over at Atomisk calls out a clueless promoter, LOLZ ensue. No, an unpaid local opening band should not have to provide YOUR PA and backline to save money, cheapskate. Applause to Richard for calling people out on their crap — “exposure” and the “privilege” to play…
Fidel is a jerk. Raul is nearly as bad.But what nailed the USSR will get Cuba. Let my people in!The heads of foreign affairs committees in both houses of Congress — Sen. Richard Lugar and Rep. Howard Berman came out together to say the 50-year-old ban should be lifted. Hell,…
Lita Ford may have taken a long while out of the spotlight, but the Internet ephemera floating around, capturing her show last weekend at Revolution, proves she’s got staying power. There’s really something about a woman who owns her sexuality and still kicks ass. Also, her 1988 hit duo with…
It’s not just artists in the cubed-cheese-and-champagne-set who are making frenzied preparations for Art Basel. New Times’ favorite graffiti crew, MSG, promises that it has scads of plans- both legal and illegal- to coincide with the arrival of the massive convention. For starters, thirteen artists teamed up to paint a…
Rootstock: Peace, Love and Beaujolais NouveauWe’ve already mentioned that this Thursday marks the arrival of Beaujolais Nouveau, and that French wine producer Georges Duboeuf and its exclusive U.S. importer, W.J. Deutsch & Sons, are sponsoring a food drive to benefit Feeding South Florida. Last year, Feeding South Florida distributed approximately…
