Weekend Football: Three-Ways and 49ers

San Francisco 49ers @ Miami Dolphins, 1 p.m. on Fox.Your Miami Dolphins are involved in a hot, sexy three-way with the New York Jets and the New England Patriots, but no one can decide who’s going to be on top … of the AFC East division. The menage-a-trois may very…

Football Fans Too Poor to Get to Miami

You know times are tough when crazed college football fans in places like cold-ass Blacksburg, Virginia; and Cincinnati, Ohio, can’t scrounge up enough change to get to sunny Miami for a January 1 bowl game. But alas, that is the cold, hard truth of these tough economic times.More depressing recession-related news…

Sports World Horrified by New Sneaker

After Chanel debuted its “Miami Vice” shoe, which came complete with a mini pistol in place of the heel, at this summer’s Cruise collection, Miami is starting to gain a reputation for debuting controversial footwear. While Kobe Bryant is no Karl Lagerfeld, he’s following in the Kaiser’s footsteps by debuting…

Crosstown Rivals: FIU @ UM

Oh, no! Your Miami Hurricanes basketball team has fallen out of the AP’s Top 25 poll! They’re currently 5-2, and both of those losses were to unbeaten teams, so there’s not that much shame and a good chance for a resurgence. But tonight they get the chance to let off…

Barcelona’s MLS Bid Might Not Pan Out

A fair number of locals were excited that a Major League Soccer team might be coming back to Miami, especially under the guidance of FC Barcelona, but here comes The New York Times soccer blog with their vicious theories and reporting to rain on our parade. While they still say…

UM Football Players: Not as Brainy as Gators or Noles

This season, the Miami Hurricanes came out way behind their in-state rivals, UF and FSU, by most on-the-field standards, losing to both teams. Now here’s a little salt for those wounds: Both the Noles and the Gators made Higher Ed Watch’s Top 25 for academic achievement, while the Canes went…

The Dolphins’ Ass-Kicking Prowess Has Gone International

Holy sugartits is this a magical time to be a Dolphins fan! They’re just displaying all kinds of dexterity in the ass-kicking department, as they did yesterday when they flew into Canada’s Rogers Centre and delivered a beatdown to the rival Buffalo Bills. The Fins defeated Buffalo 16-3 in front…

Weekend Football: Blame Canada?

The college football season came to end, so we’re left for the time being with only this Miami Dolphin team to keep us company. Miami Dolphins @ Buffalo Bills, Sunday 4:05pm on CBSThe Buffalo Bills, the former team of noted armed robber OJ Simpson, have worked out a weird plan…

Kimbo Slice Headed to Japan

Kimbo Slice, like many stars before him, is retreating to Japan to milk out a little bit more money before his career quietly fades out. While there we imagine him shooting a commercial for some whiskey, appearing on a whackey game show, and then meeting the pretty but neglected wife…

Because Sometimes Winning Ugly Beats Not Winning At All

Once again, the Miami Dolphins had to pull unicorns and rainbows out their asses to keep from losing to a two-win team. But pull the magic from their bottoms they did, as they took down the hapless St. Louis Rams 16-12, for their seventh win of the season. Drive killing…

Weekend Football: The Doldrums

Cold, hard reality set in last week for Miami’s two most notable football squads. The Fins lost their rematch to the Pats, and the Canes saw their ACC title hopes evaporate. Hopefully they’ll be able to put their disappointment behind them and not squander seasons that are, by last year’s standards, pretty…

Even Lil Wayne disapproves of Pacman Jones’ antics

Miami’s favorite pill-popping, adopted-father Frenching, nonsensical metaphor making (or is “I can play basketball with the moon” a simile?) rambling blogger Lil Wayne has used his ESPN.com soapbox to unleash a rant about troubled Cowboys defensive back Pacman Jones’ indefinite suspension from the NFL: I don’t think the Pacman Jones…

Pro Bowl in Miami Next Season?

Since 1980, the Pro Bowl has been played in Honolulu, Hawaii, the week after the Super Bowl, but buzz during the past couple of years has indicated NFL bigwigs aren’t happy with the status quo. They nixed a plan to move this year’s Pro Bowl to a week before the Super Bowl at…

Don’t Be Afraid to Make Them Punt or Anything

The Patriots punted once in the entire game during yesterday’s 48-28 win over the Dolphins. Once. New England’s offense totaled 530 yards — the most the Dolphins defense has allowed since 1995. You could still catch brand new episodes of Seinfeld the last time the Dolphins allowed that many yards…

Shaq Twitters Himself Silly

Rich Sanchez and his CNN show certainly have caught the twitter bug, and now another former Miami fixture is twittering his thumbnails off, too. Our New Times brethren in Phoenix report that the 7’1 superstar has his own twitter account, and apparently it’s legit. Shaq is really into twitter, but…

Weekend Football: The Big Rematch

Ugh, it is football post time again. After the Canes’ face plant last night, we’re a bit down on the sport. Seriously they had it all before them – a return to national prominence and the ACC title and what do they do? Give up more rushing yards than they…

File Under “Ass Beating”

Old photo, same result Ah, the resurrected Miami Hurricanes football program. Ranked in the top 25 again! Headed to the ACC title game! Unable to stop some one-legged homeless guy from Atlanta from busting off a 15-yard run! There are many ways to prove that the AP voters have overranked…

Thursday-Night Football: Miami vs. Georgia Tech

Miami Hurricanes @ Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, 7:30 tonight on ESPN The Kiddy Canes right now are fly like paper and high like planes, and the rest of the ACC Coastal division is at their total mercy. If they win the next two games, they’re guaranteed a spot in the…

MLS in the Magic City?

Thierry Henry It has never made much sense that Miami doesn’t have a team in Major League Soccer, what with its large Central and South American population and all, so it’s little surprise that the Magic City is a leading candidate for an expansion franchise beginning in 2010. We’ll know…

Pats Just Going to Take It from Joey Porter

Is it even news anymore that Joey Porter runs his mouth? It’s like, “I saw some birds fly, the grass is green, oxygen passes through our lungs, Joey Porter is trash-talking his opponents.” It’s only news if those things stop happening, or in Porter’s case, the object of his derision…