Muck Bowl Alum Dominates the Super Bowl (But It’s Not Boldin)

A few miles north of Miami, on the swampy edges of Lake Okeechobee, there are a couple of impoverished little towns called Pahokee and Belle Glade where they churn out gasp-inducing football talent like a cash crop. Without much else to do, the kids chase and skin rabbits and play pigskin in the…

What has Siohvaughn Wade Done to her Beautiful Dwyane?

Here’s everything interesting we know for sure about the Dwyane Wade divorce situation: His soon-to-be ex Siohvaughn claims Wade gave her some sort of STD. Everything else is just hearsay, but my old pals at Deadspin have the ultimate hearsay. Now, before irresponsibly spreading this, it should be noted it…

Thug U: The Basketball Years? No, But A Player Got Arrested

Randy Shannon has been in Catholic nun mode trying to steer his football players clear of the rich thug history of the UM football program, but we’re guessing after yesterday’s shenanigans, Frank Haith may want to borrow Shannon’s habit and ruler to slap the knuckles of his basketball team. Suspended…

Not Even Dwyane Wade Wears Dwyane Wade Sneakers

We always thought Dwyane Wade’s latest signature shoe, the Wade 4 by Converse, is kind of ugly. So we can’t really blame him for never wearing them on court, but that’s a bit controversial. When basketball players sign these ridiculously lucrative sneaker deals, they are expected to actually wear the…

Whipple Will Whip Up Canes Offense

According to the News-Press, University of Miami will at 1 p.m. officially announce Mark Whipple as their new offensive coordinator. Whipple was previously with the Philadelphia Eagles. I’d be a lot more excited about this if the Eagles didn’t just get beatwn by the friggin’ Cardinals, of all teams, but I’m sure that’s…

Lingerie Bowl Cancelled: Things Got A Lil’ Too Naked

So, Tampa residents succeeded in running the Lingerie Bowl out of town because it was too risque for their, apparently, puritanical town. Then the Sporting Spectacle found refuge at a nudist resort in Pasco County, but in a weird twist, the nudists are a little too wild for the Lingerie…

Alonzo Mourning Retires

Alonzo Mourning, one of the Heat’s most celebrated franchise players, announced his retirement today, rather than attempt a comeback after a devastating leg injury in 2007. “I truly feel it’s best that I retire,” Mourning said at a news conference. “When you’ve got something you love and you’re passionate about,…

Haha, Obama! Huizenga Rids Himself of Dolphins

You might remember Wayne Huizenga’s pre-election whining about how he wanted to sell of his remaining stake in the Miami Dolphins before our new socialist dictator can personally tax the hell out of him. “He wants to double the capital gains tax, or almost double it. I’d rather give it…

What has Dwyane Wade Done to his Beautiful Siohvaughn?

Why did the Miami Herald let Joan Fleischman take a buyout and retire when she is the only person at that paper who continually brings it? And by bring it, I mean bring the most important celebrity STD stories to the Ayem Papyrus. This weekend she dug into the divorce…

Will the Heat’s Turnaround Be as Miraculous as the Fins’?

There really is something in the water lately that makes our pro sports teams stop being such gawd-awful municipal embarrassments. Last year, the Heat had its worse season since its inaugural year, which didn’t help to ease the pain we were experiencing after the Fins’ 1-15 season. Things have turned…

Nudists Save Lingerie Bowl

Well, those prudes in Tampa got their way, and the Lingerie Bowl won’t be tainting their apparently pure city. Instead a nudist resort in Pasco County stepped in and saved the day. The joint is appropriately called the Caliente Clothing Optional Resort, which should fair well for the Miami Caliente…

Miami’s MLS Bid Looking Better All the Time

Today the group pushing for an MLS team in Atlanta announced it’s dropping out of the running. That leaves five cities to compete for two new franchises that will begin play in 2011. Atlanta was never seen as a strong contender, and Montreal withdrew its bid in November. Meanwhile, Miami…

Tampa Prudes Promise to Ruin Lingerie Bowl for Everyone

We understand the disgust some folks might feel when they’re introduced to the idea of lingerie football. It’s always something like “blah blah blah exploitation, vulgar, sexist blah blah blah.” But this is America, and if pretty, young ladies want to be exploited or whatever by making money to play…

It’s Crunch Time for Canes Basketball

There are some things you never thought would happen. Like the University of Miami basketball team being more respected than the football team. After last year’s stunning season, the Canes are again bringing it, and Saturday they pulled off a major upset against #17 BC, putting UM on a five-game winning…

Local Skateboard Hero Kick-Flips His Way Into Hall of Fame

There’s really no better honor in life than landing the cover of New Times, as local skateboard legend Robby Weir did two and a half years ago, but we suppose in his line of work, being inducted into the Florida Skateboarding Hall of Fame comes in a pretty close second.  Weir…

Marve Can Now Transfer to Florida’s Best Safety Schools

Former UM Hurricanes starting quarterback Robert Marve apparently thinks he is the next Tim Tebow, despite the fact he has never really shown that kind of talent on the field. Nonetheless, he would really like to at least have the option of transferring to the newly crowned champs in Gainsville. Sadly, like so…

Live Blogging the BCS Championship Game

So despite what other whiny sports journalists have to say, someone will be going home a winner tonight at Dolphin Stadium. Our sister blog, The Juice, will be live blogging the whole thing directly from the press box at the stadium. So if you are looking for some refreshing online…

Your So-Called National Champions Will Be Crowned Tonight

The story for tonight’s BCS National Championship game at Dolphin Stadium is twofold: that tickets aren’t as hard to come by as in previous years (if you consider $600 tickets to a championship football game a bargain) and that something like 83 percent of gamblers are putting their money on…