Dwyane Wade Gets Owned

Oh, this is not good. We already had our star power-or-maybe-small forward of the future in a rehab facility for a full month; Lamar Odom waffled for three weeks and then chose L.A. over us (BTW: Notice how decisive he was when it came to marrying a Kardashian. We sent…

Update: Marlins Won’t Fire Fredi Gonzalez

Maybe Jeffrey Loria took Tim Elfrink’s advice and stopped acting like “a world-class moron.” Because according to an unnamed Associated Press source, Marlins manager Fredi Gonzalez’s job is safe for now.The Marlins might not be ready to make the official announcement, but it seems all of yesterday’s hubbub might have been for…

Five Reasons the Olympics Will Never Come to Miami

Last week, Rio de Janeiro beat Chicago to host the 2016 Summer Olympics. Rio and Miami share many things, including tourism, beaches, and lots of South Americans. But here are five reasons the Magic City could never host the games: Public transportation: In a metropolitan area of more than 5.4…

Jacory Harris Puts Canes on Steady TV Diet of SpongeBob

Seems the Miami Hurricanes are well aware of everyone saying, “Well, let’s see how long this lasts before it goes to their heads and they screw up” — even though players and coaches alike are telling the media they still feel like underdogs.QB Jacory Harris has taken steps to ensure…

Dear Jeffrey Loria: Quit Acting Like a D-Bag and Leave Fredi Alone

Somewhere in a New York penthouse right now, Jeffrey Loria is angrily straightening a Picasso on his wall, swigging a vintage Chianti, and cursing loudly.His Marlins have missed the playoffs yet again. And Loria has decided it must be his manager’s fault. Loria’s front office leaked his fury all over…

Miami Dolphins Win: Champagne Breakfast for Everyone!

You might recall the Dolphins lately have been getting their asses dented on a week-to-week basis. This has directly led to an 0-3 start, a last-place standing in the AFC East, and Chad Pennington’s shoulder crumbling into powder before our eyes. Coming in to this week against the Buffalo Bills, all seemed lost…

Miami Dolphins Preview: The Robot Era Begins

We’ve had the worst luck with our quarterbacks since Dan Marino retied in 1999. And now, with Chad Pennington’s shoulder turning to shredded wheat last Sunday, it looks like the Chad Henne era is upon us sooner than anticipated. Henne comes with a rep for underachieving as a 4-year starter…

Weekend Football: Canes Take on Oklahoma, Fins Host Bills

Both of our beloved South Florida football teams desperately need a win this weekend. One to get momentum back on track, the other to try and start some. Will Land Shark be the host of two upset victories, or the site of thousands of disappointingly hung heads? Let’s make sense…

Sam Bradford Won’t Play in Miami-Oklahoma Game

Not so sure if this is cause for celebration in the Canes nation, but Heisman winner Sam Bradford won’t make his comeback at LandShark Stadium this Saturday in Miami’s game against the Sooners. Canes fans might be breaking out the party hats and applying that head-to-toe orange-and-green body paint with glee…

Kimbo Slice Loses, Gains Respect

In a surprise to no one who follows MMA, Miami’s own Kimbo Slice lost in the second round in a taped match last night to Roy “Big Country” Nelson as part of UFC and Spike TV’s show The Ultimate Fighter.Despite the fact that Nelson’s figure appears — shall we say…

Dolphins Trade for Tyler Thigpen, You Know, Just in Case

So Chad Pennington is out for the season, but the Dolphin Nation shouldn’t be too concerned. Chad Henne was supposed to assume starting QB duties sooner or later — it just turned out to be sooner.He was always the quarterback of tomorrow, and hey, if he didn’t work out, there…

Chad Pennington Is Out for the Season

Dolphins QB Chad Pennington is done for 2009, according to ESPN. Sources tell the network he’s been “initially diagnosed with a torn capsule in his throwing shoulder and the Dolphins expect him to miss the rest of the season.”Pennington was injured early in the second half of yesterday’s loss to…

Really, Dolphins? Really?

What’s it like to be a fan of the Miami Dolphins? All you need to do is look at the team’s very first drive of Sunday’s clustercrap of a game to know. That or have someone take a crowbar to your crotch, full Gillooly.The Fins opened things with a perfectly…