UM-FSU Battle of the Has-Beens Not Yet Sold Out

If the University of Miami/Florida State rivalry is supposed to be one of the most storied in the game, how come this year’s matchup isn’t sold out? Oh, right. Probably because neither team has been relevant on the national title scene for years. Nowadays, the matchup barely has implications for…

Heat’s Michael Beasley Reportedly Heading to Rehab

After this weekend, we were pretty sure Heat forward Michael Beasley was addicted to tacky tattoos and oversharing on Twitter, but it seems his problems might run a bit deeper. Yahoo! Sports reports the 20-year-old has checked himself into an undisclosed Houston rehab center for possible psychological and substance abuse issues. Beasley’s…

Which of These Miami Dolphins Songs Is More Embarrassing?

In hip-hop, Jay-Z is God, and since he declared Auto-Tune dead, we’ve hoped that would put a swift end to the career of professional Auto-Tune abuser T-Pain. (I will never understand how a musical technique pioneered by Cher became “gangsta.”) Dolphins majority owner Stephen Ross didn’t get the message, and drafted…

Three Players Quit Fins Training Camp, Including Best Named Prospect Ever

News flash out of Davie this morning, courtesy of the Associated Press: Dolphins training camp really sucks ass, and coach Tony Sparano knows it.Fullback Matt Quillen, a 24-year-old prospect out of the fightin’ New Mexico Lobos, lasted only one day under Sparano’s apparently brutal and unprecedented regime of running around out in…

Miami Heat 2009-10 Season Unveiled

The Miami Heat’s full 2009-10 schedule was released upon the world today. Dwyane Wade and company will kick off the season with a home game October 28 against the New York Knicks (who are somehow still considered a professional basketball organization). Things get interesting, not to mention challenging, when we meet our ol’…

Marlins Acquire Nick Johnson

The Marlins finally showed some trade deadline sac and ordered one large Johnson.Washington National 1B Nick Johnson, he of the .295 average, 44 RBI, and most importantly for the free-swinging Fish, a .408 on-base-percentage, is heading to the Land of Teal and Empty Seats for AA left-hander Aaron Thompson, according…

Lamar Odom Reportedly Staying in LA

Just this morning we were wondering when Lamar Odom would make up his mind about joining the Heat or not. Well today he reportedly did, and it wasn’t the outcome we were hoping for, but at least the suspence is over. ESPN.com reports an NBA source told them that Odom will stay put…

Lamar Odom, Make Up Your Damn Mind

Anyone else bored with LA Lakers power forward Lamar Odom’s endless irresolution? I imagine he has a condo in Malibu right out of a 70’s fashion magazine–fireplace, hi-fi, shag carpet–and he’s just sitting in his egg chair eating gummy bears, playing eenie-minie-miney-mo, and listening to the Zombies:…

Dolphins Pass on Michael Vick, and Boy Is Greg Cote Upset

The Miami Dolphins yesterday officially squashed any lingering rumors they had an interest in signing convicted felon Michael Vick, and boy, Miami Herald sports columnist Greg Cote sure is upset about it. In a column today, he calls the Dolphins “cowards,” whose passing on Vick carried a “tinge of arrogance.” In Cote’s mind,…

Satchel Paige’s Years in Miami

Most baseball fans are familiar with Satchel Paige, the absolutely dominant Negro Leagues pitcher who played pro baseball for 40 years. In 1948, Bill Veeck, the legendary owner of the Cleveland Indians, finally gave the 41-year-old Paige a chance to pitch in the Major Leagues. It was a year after Jackie…

Danica and Dale Jr.: Go for It!

Aside from the cars going really fast on four wheels, with about three-quarters of the laps being relatively dull, NASCAR and IndyCar have about as much in common as the Rock and Philip Seymour Hoffman. However, the two racing leagues might lose marquee drivers to each other. IndyCar’s Danica Patrick and…

Marlins Sweep Padres No Thanks to the Offense

The Marlins’ three game sweep of the Padres couldn’t have come at a better time. The Fish had lost three devastating games to the Phillies at home and trailed last year’s champions by seven games in the standings. Any more losing streaks, and the Marlins’ season could have been over. But terrific pitching, timely hitting,…