Top 5 Reasons Your Waiter Hates You

Oh, you simple-minded soul. You gullible bastard. You thought that smiley face on the check meant something? That they give those mints just to you? You actually thought your waiter likes you?Think again, my friend. Underneath that quick smile and crisp attention, your waiter really hates you. We’re just the…

Udonis Haslem’s Drug Charges Dropped

When the Miami Heat’s Udonis Haslem was charged by the Florida Highway Patrol with a third degree felony of possessing more than 20 grams of marijuana things seemed shady. We went as far as to call it a “miscarriage of justice.” Now, the State Attorney’s Office has dropped all charges…

Shaq Responds to Child Porn Lawsuit: “Complete and Utter Fabrication”

Yesterday, news broke of a bizarre lawsuit filed in Miami-Dade court that alleged amongst other wrongdoings Basketball star Shaquille O’Neal hatched a plan to plant child porn on a former employee’s computer and use his law enforcement connections to have the man arrested. Today Shaq’s representatives have released a statement about…

Miami Herald to Cut 49 More Jobs

It seemed for a while that the worst for the Miami Herald may be over, but the paper just announced that they’re cutting 49 jobs across the Miami Herald Media Company. Nine of those positions will come from the Herald’s newsroom, with another six coming from El Nuevo Herald’s newsroom…

Nevin Shapiro, Miami Beach Ponzi Schemer, Pleads Guilty

Nevin Shapiro, the colorful Miami Beach businessman who claims to have written a tell all book about the Miami Hurricanes from his jail cell, admitted the he was guilty of charges that he ran an $880 million Ponzi scheme. Shapiro used the money to fuel a lavish lifestyle, make donation…

Miami Dolphins Rookie Jared Odrick Could Be Out a Month

​It appears that the Miami Dolphins have lost first-round pick Jared Odrick for a month, maybe more. Odrick, the Dolphins’ rookie staring defensive end, suffered a hairline fracture in his right fibula during last Sunday’s game against Buffalo. The Dolphins won’t discuss the outcome of an MRI taken earlier today,…

Sarah Palin is “The Perfect Feminist” Declares Victoria Jackson

Riptide’s favorite hometown SNL star turned wacko tea party songstress, Victoria Jackson, is back writing columns for Andrew Brietbart’s Big Hollywood. She’s decided Sarah Palin is “the perfect feminist.” Unfortunately she doesn’t seem to have much of a grasp on what feminism actually is, and take swipes at single mothers…