Is there a pastime more Floridian than going completely nuts — we mean Michael-Douglas-in-Falling-Down-apeshit — when denied our favorite fast-food product?Florida luminary Terry Lynn Kimbell was really just carrying on a long tradition when he recently called 911 to complain that Taco Bell wouldn’t serve him at the drive-thru window. So here’s…
How best to celebrate the opening of a taxpayer-manhandling new ballpark that looks like the grotesque lovechild of the ’70s spaceship from Close Encounters of the Third Kind and a cheap toaster oven? How about a new logo that’s the hideous mutant spawn of the Mets’ emblem and that time…
It’s hard to get the Miami-Dade County Commission to agree on anything, but every single member voted today for a resolution that asks the state legislature to cool it on all those crazy conservative immigration bills they’ve been trying to pass. The Florida Legislature will, more than likely, totally ignore…
From rubber penises to fiberglass cocks, the wacky news in the wang-shaped state never ends.One of those 70-pound fiberglass rooster sculptures that dot Calle Ocho in Little Havana has been stolen, according to the Miami Herald. The rooster once stood guard proudly outside El Pub, at 1548 SW Eighth Street, but…
A Manatee County police officer’s methods to arrest a hooker seem kind of cruel.
Uncle Luke is going after the convicted Ponzi schemer who proclaimed himself “Lil Luke.” Today, Luther Campbell followed through on his promise to sue Nevin Shapiro for defamation.In Yahoo! Sports’ investigative report on rampant booster violations he committed at the University of Miami, Shapiro claimed his lavishing student-athletes with prostitutes…
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Back in 2004, when Barack Obama allegedly compared himself to LeBron James, little did he know he’d be setting himself up for a string of conservative zingers that shows no sign of stopping. Former Florida Republican congressman turned MSNBC host Joe Scarborough became the latest right-winger to take note of…
Andreea Barbosa was born with two fully functioning uteruses, and she has put both to good work. On September 15, the 24-year-old Clearwater woman gave birth to two babies — one from each uterus. Doctors say the chances of such a pregnancy happening are one in 5 million…
With Anthony Wiener’s sext scandal and Allen West’s ongoing shenanigans, it’s easy to forget just how horrible Miami’s Rep. David Rivera is. The freshman Republican representative has been under investigation by several state and federal agencies since taking office. Unsurprisingly, he has now been named among the “Most Corrupt” politicians…
Nelson Walker might be the Dolphins number one fan. He actually wears a Dolphins jersey in public without an accompanying paper bag over his head. Walker was even donning the aqua jersey when he showed up in court on charges that he and a friend stuffed two Dolphins jerseys and…
A vicious crime wave has gripped Central Florida’s finest fabric stores, seeding blind terror in the sequin isles, panic in the feather-boa racks, and knee-shaking fear in the wig department. Tell us of the horror, Amanda Marshall, Orlando-area Jo-Ann Fabrics manager: “It’s a whole gang of drag queens,” she tells the…
Unfortunately for Miami Heat fans, the NBA lockout has not put a lock on the mouth of Charles Barkley, the unofficial president of the Anti-Heat Fan Club. Barkley was on Dan LeBatard’s new ESPN2 show on Friday, and while he may be out of a broadcasting job himself next season,…
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Porn parodies of sitcoms — sitcums, we suppose — are the hottest XXX trend since breast implants, but there’re only so many laughers primed for sexy satire. God help us before parodies of Yes, Dear and Mr. Belvedere are unleashed. So, Sensuous Diamond Productions, a newly launched, Miami-based porn label, is…
Guenther Floerchinger, a 78-year-old man, is alleged to have shot his 21-year-old wife before setting his Port St. Lucie home on fire and then killing himself. Floerchinger made two phone calls before his suicide — one asking a neighbor to take his wife’s 4-year-old daughter from the home, and the…
Florida’s two best Division I FBS teams outside the big six conferences (or what’s left of them — sorry, USF) entered FIU Stadium undefeated this past Saturday. Only one left with a perfect record. The Golden Panthers engineered a mild 17-10 upset over UCF and remained hot after last week’s huge road…
For 15 years, Sanford and Dolores Ziff were perhaps Miami’s top philanthropic power couple. Their name is prominently enshrined on the Sanford and Dolores Ziff Ballet Opera House at the Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Arts, but Dolores died at the age of 85 this past January. Now Sanford…
In the architecture world, apparently you aren’t anyone until you’ve designed a parking garage in Miami Beach. Frank Gehry, Herzog & de Meuron, and Arquitectonica have all designed structures to house visitors’ vehicles. Now the city has announced it has commissioned another star architect, Zaha Hadid, to design its next…
If at first you don’t succeed, just set a few more fires and hope that this time the firefighters can’t get there quick enough. That was the mindset of an arsonist in Wynwood last night who tried to burn down a warehouse near North Miami Avenue and 29th Street, only…
The Amazing Shitshow! that is your Miami Dolphins fell to the Houston Texans for the sixth straight time, in a 23-13 ass-whoopin’ yesterday afternoon. The Dolphins are now 0-2 to start the season, have lost 11 of their last 12 games at home, can’t convert a third down for dick,…
“I’m a hot, sexy chick, and I don’t like people fucking with me.” Such is the battle call of “Jozy” — born Ira Deford — a preop South Beach transsexual who this month took a historic stand in traffic court after bashing the side mirror of a blood bank’s bus…
