For hundreds of students at Jay Elementary, this week’s fundraiser will go down in history as simply the greatest ever. In exchange for raising money for the Panhandle school, students received some cheap-o slap bracelets — which, when torn apart, revealed pictures of nude women in pornographic poses.School officials are…
Occupy Miami is both smarter and more dedicated than you think.Yesterday, about 40 occupiers joined about 150 police officers to sit in on negotiations with the police union and county commissioners.The cops and the county did not come to an agreement, but it was a hopeful encounter.Terrence Dasher, who makes…
BP was recently ripped off to the tune of six figures by an enterprising hustler named Eliu Gonzalez. The 37-year-old Florida City resident was indicted in April for forging documents to claim $110,116 in lost fishing income due to the Deepwater Horizon spill. He was a fugitive until August. This week, sea gangstas…
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We’re not sure what’s hurting worse: Miami’s already depleted defense or North Carolina receiver Dwight Jones’ groin after he got punched in his nether regions by Miami starting defensive tackle Micanor Regis during Saturday’s game. As a result, Regis will be suspended for the next match against Georgia Tech, which…
If Occupy Miami protesters are angry about out-of-control banks taking and mismanaging money from the public coffers, then perhaps they should move their protest to the parking lot of U.S. Century Bank’s headquarters out in Doral. The bank received $50.2 million in TARP assets in 2009, but ProPublica reports that…
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Someone call up Pixar, because boy do we have a situation definitively calling out for some sort of animated movie treatment here in Florida.You see, a female wolf has been hanging around the yard of Panama City resident Nathan Didier. The reason? Didier suspects the lady wolf is lonely, and…
Jose Campos, a local pastor more comfortable behind the pulpit, finds himself behind bars this morning. Campos stands accused of sexual battery of a minor after an 11-year-old girl told a teacher about the abuse. Campos has admitted as much to police, but says that the touching happened by accident…
Central Florida’s newest amusement park, Legoland Florida, officially opened its bricked doors on Saturday on the former site of Cypress Gardens. One of the main attractions includes massive displays of iconic skylines rebuilt with Legos, and obviously Legoland Florida’s has an entire section devoted to Miami. Everything from the Miami…
It’s like Republican voters don’t know what’s good for them. Poll after poll shows that Mitt Romney is the most viable candidate against Barack Obama, but they keep jumping around to the more conservative icon of the moment.The latest poll of Florida voters from NBC News and Marist [PDF] shows…
Wondering if you’ve hit absolute rock bottom yet? Well, have you mugged your pregnant ex-girlfriend for a couple hundred bucks, laid low in the woods for a few hours and then gotten caught by police hiding next to a bait shack behind someplace called “Hobo’s Restaurant”?No? In that case, Ryan Pettit,…
Yesterday, we wandered around the Government Center in Downtown Miami– site of the Occupy Miami tent-camp– and found ourselves, well, a bit underwhelmed by the protest scene. By now, Occupy Wall Street and Occuoy Miami protesters must know that their critics in the right-leaning– or even mainstream– media are gonna…
Walking anywhere in Miami often feels like running the trenches in World War I: randomly placed barbed wire tears at your clothing, errant bombs — or in this case, cars — send you diving into muddy ditches, and it’s hard not to trip over the occasional dead body or two.So…
At the end of the day, jails have one job: to keep prisoners on the inside. Miami-Dade County Jail has pretty much failed its basic duty today by letting a man convicted of attempted murder walk free. He didn’t even try to escape. They just let him go.Dexter A. Davis,…
Remember Scott Raab? The lifetime Cleveland sports fan who set out to chronicle LeBron James’ first season for Esquire only to get banned from American Airlines Arena by the Heat for calling the star “the whore of Akron”? Well, he’s been busy at work penning a book entitled, obviously, The…
Today’s photo comes from Shayna Batya’s Flickr. If you’d like to see your photo here join our Flickr group here. Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes…
Along with news that a homerun nightmare-scape will be built at the new Marlins stadium comes this: the place will include a branch of South Beach’s “sophisticated and classy” Clevelander…
