“I hated the Nineties. The Nineties fuckin’ sucked,” professional wrestler Randy “The Ram” Robinson says early on in The Wrestler — and he should know. Over the hill and past his prime — his steroidal body a palimpsest of battle scars, his graying hair dyed a Nordic blond — Robinson…
Click on the illustration to download the PDF version of our Dirty Dozen…
Gun violence is never funny, but only in Miami would officials hold a rally to put an end to residents shooting off guns in the air to celebrate New Years titled “No More Stray Bullets.” They even flew a giant sky banner over the county with the slogan. We’re not mocking…
Maybe things aren’t so bad for smug yuppies yupsters after all. American Apparel, the sweat shop free, sexed-up candy colored cotton utopia is opening a third South Beach store at 1441 Washington Ave sometime soon. Google Maps says that’s less than a 10 minute walk from their Lincoln Road store,…
Oy, it is not a good week for a certain type of smug yuppie. First the local smooth jazz channel turns to all guilty pleasures all the time, and now Whole Foods Market has pulled out of its plans to open a store in Downtown. The organic grocery store was set…
Question #1: If you’re a former gentlemen’s club dancer and current lingerie football player do you really get all that upset when an ex-boyfriend posts nudie pictures of you on MySpace? Question #2: If you make your living as a sexual assault speaker, why are you posting nudie pix of your ex?We…
Talk about burying an explosive detail. CBS Sports correspondent Mike Freeman has a column up today theorizing that recently fired Jets Coach Eric Mangini won’t find himself with another NFL head coaching job anytime soon thanks to wide spread speculation that he ratted New England Coach Bill Belichick out last…
It is the 50th anniversary of the start of complete and utter failure in Cuba. [Herald]Haitian-Americans have their very own Madoff to hate now. George Theodule bilked more than $23 million in a ponzi scheme. [JustNews]Demonstrators with sympathies on both side of the Isreal-Palestine conflict took to the streets yesterday in protest. [Herald]$5.5…
Herman Rosenblat, a Miami Beach Holocaust survivor, has already made quite a mess of things. First there was the whole made-up tale of triumph in the face of tragedy. Rosenblat sold the world and every authority that matters (ahem, Oprah) on a story that, in hindsight, just seems pretty ridiculous:…
Back in 2004, New Times wrote about the murder of R.J. Lockwood in the feature “Hardcore and Bleeding.” The Virgina-native was found dead in a loft in Overtown on January 4, 2004, in what was first assumed by Miami police to be an apparent drug overdose, despite the objections from…
We’ve been criticizing ol’ Jebby Bush for positioning his possible run for Senate as an end to the problems of the GOP, and not the end to the problems of America and Florida. Well, along comes Broward Congressman Kendrick Meek, who told the AP that indeed he is considering running…
It is football day here on Riptide apparently, so we’ll keep this post short. The Cincinnati Bearcats will be playing in the Orange Bowl on New Years Day against Virginia Tech (a game the Canes, theoretically, could be playing in if they didn’t have such a deep commitment to ruining everything). So…
This picture of Miami Hurricanes QB Robert Marve is on Flickr and taken during his high school days and I have been waiting for the right time to post it. Sadly I will never get that chance as Marve was granted release from the team today. Marve started all but two…
First off, sometimes I wish our Miami NFL teams had a different animal as its mascot. Dolphins only have one expression, and that is “I am so friggin’ happy at the moment!!!!” This is why there will never be LOLCat-like ROFLFins, and this is why I can never illustrate a…
We imagine running the GOP looks exactly like this anyway: wearing a wizard’s hat while leading a bunch of racially insensitive white people with children’s brains. The Republican Party has become more or less a parody of itself. Chip Saltsman is running to chair that sinking ship, and as part…
“Hey, baby. Are you ready for my football?” I trust some of you remember the news that Miami will host a team in the innagural season of the Lingerie Football League very, very well. Perhaps you’ve dreamt of it, fantasized even. Well, now those liquid dreams are shaping into a…
Some football rumors we pick up on Riptide never come true. Usain Bolt never did make his start with the Dolphins. Others are actually legitimate it seems, as the 2010 Pro Bowl will indeed be played at Dolphin Stadium a week before the Super Bowl according to AP sources. The NFL has thought…
Think things suck now? Don’t flip that dial to Russian state news agencies, or you might really be reaching for the Smirnov.According to the Wall Street Journal, Russia’s propaganda machines have lately been giving heaps of airtime to an academic named Igor Panarin, who has spent the last decade telling…
Sarah Palin’s is a grandmother to a child named Tripp. [WaPo]Miami Beach has the highest income disparity in the United States. [Herald]At least somebody is driving American cars. Miami Police have two new unmarked Dodge Chargers that will be used to help ticket you for speeding more often. [CBS4]A woman on a…
Let’s say you’re a smooth jazz lover who was away for the holidays and tuned into your favorite radio station Love 94 at exactly 4:10 p.m. today for the first time since Christmas hoping to hear the smooth, comforting sounds of Kenny G finally back on the airwaves after the…
The years coinciding with George W. Bush’s Presidency were sort of like a 1-15 season for America. We got our asses handed to us repeatedly by teams like the Wall Street Crashers, the Saudi Oilers, the Heartland Morality Police, the Gulf Coast Hurricanes, the Main Street Mortgage Meltdowns, the Detroit…
Masochistic Jesus Christ, fetish performers, Curious George, Perez Hilton and a carefully disguised Che Guevara. What do they all have in common? They all graced the New Times’ cover this year. Click here to view the Best Covers of 2008 as chosen by us, the New Times staff.– Jose D…
