Today is the first day of FCAT testing for students across the state, and on Twitter some high school students are sharing their secrets to getting high scores. Not good scores, mind you, but the kind of scores you get when you’re literally high. Like stoned, or at the very…
Miami’s roads are known for two things: insanely bad driving and fancy cars. It’s always a shame when the two combine, especially when a wreck involves somewhere in the neighborhood of $400,000 worth of automotive extravagance.Friday night out front of the Epic Hotel in downtown a Maserati GranTurismo S (worth…
Saturday Night Live dove full-on into the Trayvon Martin case this weekend. Of course, there’s not a whole lot humor to be found in the specifics of the case, so instead the show lampooned CNN’s Piers Morgan, Miami Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen (played by host Josh Brolin), and Florida in…
The Miami Heat went into Madison Square Garden yesterday for the first and only time this regular season, and proceeded to mash the spleens of the New York Knickerbockers to the tune of 93-85, snapping New York’s nine-game home-winning streak, sweeping the season series against the Knicks and taking the…
Forget about the Secret Service agents and their Colombian hookers. Ozzie Guillen praising Fidel Castro? Old news. The raging hot scandal this morning, according more than 100 articles on Google News at last count, is that Hillary Clinton spent last night in Cartagena dancing and drinking beer at a “Cuban-themed”…
“Half the people down here know me as the ‘Hatman,'” Shahdaroba Rodd says. “The other half know me as the ‘Naked Guy.'” Key West resident Rodd likes to bike around town wearing nothing but a G-string and a homemade stovepipe hat. He’s something of a legend at Fantasy Fest, the weirdo…
The year: a not-too-distant future. The place: a dark Miami-Dade alley. The crime: A police robot, built and programed to recognize wanted criminals, mistakes an innocent teenager for a fugitive. As the teen flees in terror, the machine shoots to kill. Who’s responsible? The cops who deployed the killer device?…
Zeddie Little, the dashing being captured mid-marathon looking like Derek Zoolander, is sweeping the internet as “the ridiculously photogenic guy.” Well, what do you know, we’ve found another interesting photo of a, uh, distinguished mug running right on Rick Scott’s Flickr. Unfortunately for Scott, people do not love him nearly…
Today’s photo comes from Artbyivan’s Flickr. If you’d like to see your photo here join our Flickr group.Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes…
The Barton G. empire is known for its restaurants, catering and event planning, but now it plans to expand even further by entering the magazine world. Yes, the makers of your favorite fancy hors d’oeuvres are now trying their hands at making your new favorite magazine. Sounds like a great…
If you’re driving a stolen vehicle and are “not trying to go to jail,” it’s best to keep a low profile. You shouldn’t do anything to draw attention yourself. You certainly shouldn’t pull over and drop a number two on the side of one of Florida’s busiest highways. Basically, don’t…
More than 40,000 giant African land snails have been collected in South Florida since the outbreak was detected in Coral Gables in September last year, according to CBS Miami. The invasive slimeballs eat almost everything in their path and apparently multiply faster than rabbits. To put that number in perspective, just 18,000…
Damn white people, really?Two new polls conducted by Reuters and The Washington Post show stark divides by race and ethnicity when it comes to perceptions about the death of Miami Gardens teen Trayvon Martin. A majority of minorities feels that Martin’s homicide was unjustifiable, while only about a third of…
Holy shit bananas, that was rough.The Miami Heat dropped a gut-wrenching loss to the Chicago Bulls 96-86 in overtime last night.And while the game is meaningless in terms of overall playoff importance, it still feels like Heat fans got their collective cocks slammed in a Metrobus door. WILL SOMEONE START…
Twenty-one years ago, then-Miami New Times writer Sean Rowe pushed his 17-foot canoe into Biscayne Bay, jumped in — and immediately capsized. Rowe dried himself off, jumped back in, and so began a four-day journey navigating Miami-Dade via 30-miles of seldom used drainage canals. Rowe eventually passed through seven cities,…
Did you guys hear the Florida Panthers are in the Stanley Cup Playoffs? You guys heard of the Florida Panthers? You guys even heard of hockey?No? Well, great, this guide is for you. Being native Floridians we’re glad that our team has finally broken their playoff slump. We’d like to…
Hey, pssst, I’ve got a plot of beachfront property in beautiful Hialeah to sell you for just $10K. Yeah, I’m just gonna need your social and bank account info, and it’s as good as yours.Yes, to no one’s surprise 247WallSt.com has ranked our sunny state of Florida number one in…
In our latest example of why we hate politics in Florida because way too many people involved act like children, let us now examine the letters sent between the chairs of the Florida Democratic Party and the Republican Party of Florida this morning over GOP Rep. Allen West’s comments about…
Today’s photo comes from Kafoster27’s Flickr. If you’d like to see your photo here join our Flickr group.Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes…
It was Rihanna, one of our greatest and most poetic songbirds, who once sang, “Please don’t stop the, please don’t stop the, please don’t stop the music.”A 17-year-old girl in Vero Beach didn’t get the message and ended up getting bit in the leg by her drunk mother…
What are you doing in this house, school bus? School buses don’t belong in houses. Go back on the street where you belong, school bus.Oh, it was all that asshole SUV’s fault? You really are a jerk, SUV. Thankfully, you didn’t cause any serious injuries to humans, SUV. Updated. …
Cheney Mason, the lawyer who will forever be known as the guy who got Casey Anthony off charges of killing her daughter, has decided to open his mouth about the Trayvon Martin case. His remarks were not only critical of Florida special prosecutor Angela Corey, but also of Trayvon Martin’s…
