Holy assballs it almost happened again.After the Miami Heat held the lead from the opening tip, just like in Game 1, and held a double-digit lead, just like in Game 1, the Oklahoma City Thunder almost rallied back to steal Game 2, just like Game 1.But thanks to LeBron James…
Among the many cruel side effects of the five-decade old American embargo against Cuba — economic stagnation, consolidated power for Castro, decaying infrastructure — there’s another oft-ignored tragedy: Cubans are among the only people on earth to whom Coca-Cola isn’t officially selling their sugary caffeine-delivery system.That list just got even…
Early in his surprise Senate run against Charlie Crist, Marco Rubio was being badly out-raised and was this close to dropping out to run for attorney general. Then Crist made a strategic error: He really pissed off Rubio. After Crist’s campaign leaked rumors that Rubio was soon to drop out…
Double Ds? Honey, please. Local mother Lacey Wildd won’t stop until she has size triple M breast implants. Yes, the already busty Miami-based mother of six hopes to crack the top five list of biggest breasts of the world by going under the knife for a thirteenth time. Her story…
Still bogged down by ridiculous student loans? Don’t even worry about it. Obviously, if you work real, real hard in the name of this great country of America and love capitalism enough you’ll pay them off in no time.Oh, wait, what’s that? Senator Marco Rubio, who is 41 years old,…
Don’t worry guys, a beloved sports figure of the utmost integrity has finally spoken up and lent his support to our perhaps unfairly vilified LeBron James. Oh, wait, just kidding, it’s Alex Rodriguez.”Sometimes I feel so bad for him,” Rodriguez said this morning on ESPN New York’s The Michael Kay…
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Allen Stanford — the massive Ponzi-schemer and full-time nutter who put his billions in illicit profits into a Coral Gables castle and cricket tournaments in the Caribbean — was sentenced to more than a century of jail time for his crimes today. A federal judge in Texas sentenced the financier,…
Much like Rodney Dangerfield, Ozzie Guillen gets no respect. A recent poll of 100 current MLB players by Men’s Journal reveals that the Venezuelan loud mouth is the least respected baseball manager currently in the league. He ran away with the dishonor by a wide margin…
Rep. Connie Mack IV is abandoning his southwest Florida congressional seat to run for Senate, and he’s endorsed Tea Party favorite Henry “Trey” Radel III to succeed him. Oddly, Radel has a history of owning such fine websites as CasaDeLasPutas.com, Mamadita.com, and SexGuideOnline.com…
Former Republican Party of Florida Chairman Jim Greer is preparing for his trial on several corruption charges. His former friend and ex-Governor Charlie Crist is cooperating with the prosecution. So, in what seems like a pretty shady and downright desperate move, Greer’s camp is leaking several rumors to the press…
Time and again, Florida’s Police Benevolent Association has asked Gov. Rick Scott to write for its union newsletter, the Roll Call. Over and over, Scott has ignored the PBA (which, to be fair, did campaign heavily against the governor.) So the union took the mature, adult tact and wrote a…
For 23 years, a pair of pert, painted, pasty-clad tits has greeted anyone strolling along 14th Street on South Beach. On any given day, you’ll find a small crowd of locals, European tourists, and the odd bum gazing up at the vibrant mural of a mermaid riding on the back…
Last year, we made some rather foolhardy predictions about the NBA finals and ended up with a tattoo of Jason Terry indelibly inked on our pale white ass. So this year, we are avoiding any claims of clairvoyance and appealing to a baser emotion: pure, unbridled hatred.Yes, the Miami Heat…
Best of Miami 2012: 25th Anniversary
What can $7.3 million buy you nowadays? How about 459 pounds of cocaine?That was the amount seized by U.S. Customs and Border Protection on May 29 at the Miami Seaport. CBP officers discovered 169 bricks of coke in eight cardboard boxes in a shipping container. The container came off a…
From being part of one big three to backing up another?Boston Celtics shooting guard Ray Allen’s contract is up. If he doesn’t end up back in green, ESPN New York reports that the ten-time All Star would heavily consider signing with the Heat. Apparently there aren’t hard feelings that his…
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We don’t recommend anyone go the self-immolation route, but if you’re going to attempt it, at least give it a long, hard thought. It’s not something to do in haste. Kalpeshkumar Patel, a 40-year-old former employee of at a High Spring, Florida gas station was so pissed at his ex-boss he…
Among the number of new voter registration shenanigans being pursued by Gov. Rick Scott, perhaps his new law that requires third-party voter registration groups turn in forms within 48 hours seems the most arbitrary and bizarre. The Daily Show doesn’t quite understand it either, so last night they sent correspondent…
Billy Corben, Miami’s master documentarian, has found himself innocent on charges of being a “Tweeting twit.” Corben, director of films like The U and Cocaine Cowboys, pulled jury duty earlier this year and updated his Twitter and Facebook followers about the inanities of sitting on a jury, but never mentioned…
Last night the Oklahoma City Thunder’s staff introduced the Miami Heat to the sounds of Star Wars’ “Imperial March.” They intended it as some sort of cheap swipe. I couldn’t help but chuckle. After all, I’ve been rooting for a team that’s incorporated Darth Vader’s theme music into their game…
