Milkamania

The Homestead-Miami Speedway sits on 600 acres of land, rising like a medieval fortress from the expanse of muck and concrete that surrounds it for miles. Helicopters bound for the track’s private heliport drone overhead like monstrous dragonflies. Rickety white Ford pickups, with shoddy assemblages of aluminum that function as…

Frotesters

Steven Johnson has worked as an officer with the Miami-Dade Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation for eleven years. He’s an exemplary employee and member of the honor guard who prides himself on never having missed a day of work. But last month Johnson ran into some trouble. He hadn’t slept…

Are Newspapers Pocketing Illegal Taxes?

Have you checked a recent invoice on your subscription to the Miami Herald and the Sun-Sentinel? If not, you should. South Florida’s two major dailies are among nine Florida newspapers collecting and pocketing sales tax monies on the cost of delivering fish-wrap to your doorstep — even though they are…

Ned’s Legend: A Recap

Fighting Ned got his own shirt recently, but we at Riptide thought we should remind you why A’mod Ned is our favorite FIU footballer. First, the jokers over at The Big Picture started Photoshopping the scrappin’ Ned into all sorts of hot spots: in the ring with Mike Tyson, ascending…

A Teacher Who’s Tired of the Death Toll

Paul Moore is tired of funerals. The 53-year-old social studies teacher at Miami Carol City Senior High School is tired of seeing his students die (three were shot to death this past school year). So Moore drafted an unusual petition calling on Governor Charlie Crist to share his part of…

This Grass Needs Cutting

Greener? Not so much After briefly closing its velvet-rope adorned doors to remodel, the Design District’s Grass Restaurant and Lounge is giving things another shot. To publicize the refurbished space and unveil chef Michael Jacobs’ new menu, promoters invited a bevy of media types and would-be hipsters to a complimentary…

R.I.P., Ernesto

This is Ernesto’s story. I don’t know where it begins because I didn’t know him then. When we met, Ernesto was an old man, a veteran of the streets around my South Beach apartment but clearly once an indoor cat — his front claws had been clipped. Someone had pushed…

Orange Bowl’s Fate Riles Facebookers

Orange… and doomed? The Facebook group “Save the Orange Bowl” was founded by two University of Miami grad students, who eloquently state their cause: “Recently, rumors have been circulating that the City of Miami is going to refuse to renovate the OB in order to force the Hurricanes to move…

Ducks Get Lucky With Puck

www.gourmetcruelty.com Gimme a break Wolfgang Puck announced that he is removing foie gras, battery caged eggs, and crated veal and pork from all his menus, and adding vegetarian options throughout his restaurants worldwide. Puck’s continually expanding empire encompasses Spago, Postrio, Cut, Chinois, Grand Cafe, Gourmet Express, Lupo, American Grille, Bar…

Feds Crack Down on Kiddie Porn in SoFla

The State Attorney’s Office announced this week that over the course of the past six months, “Project Safe Childhood,” a program designed by Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez to crack down on Internet-related child exploitation in South Florida, sparked 66 investigations. Of the 66 cases, 58 individuals were indicted between September…

If Chicago Can Make Bikes Work, Why Can’t Miami?

Windy, yes — and bikable A couple of weeks ago, the Bike Blog was chatting with Miami Beach City Commissioner Saul Gross about the city’s Master Plan for bicycles, a fairly ambitious scheme that would include miles of bike lanes and a much-needed bike path along the beach. Sounds great,…

Dinner in Paradise Hosts its Best Chefs Yet

The Dinner in Paradise series continues this Sunday, April 1, with the fifth in a series of six charity-driven, six-course farmers dinners served under the stars. Host/chef Michael Schwartz, of the just-opened Michael’s Genuine Food & Drink, welcomes what I think might be the best guest chefs of the year:…

Museum Park Trial Balloon Bursts

The Livan Is Easy Filed Under: News Livan Hernandez pays rent. It just takes him nearly four years. Back in January of 2003 the former Marlins pitcher (now making $8 million a year with the Arizona Diamondbacks) displayed some behavior that was very unbecoming a Major League Baseball player. At…

Storming the House

St. Paddy’s day began well in the nation’s capital. As noontime neared, Irish prime minister Bertie Ahern was preparing to present George W. Bush with a crystal bowl full of shamrocks in the White House press room as an international gesture of friendship, unity, and faith. But the fuzzy, green…

Behind the Boot

For 35 years Diane O’Quinn Williams has been a fixture at County Hall. She climbed the ranks from clerk to top administrator with a quiet, efficient style that calmed angry applicants and pleased nervous supervisors. In 2001 then-County Manager Steve Shiver made her planning and zoning director, one of the…

Killer Kids

My name is Rod Williams. My auntie Jean calls me Man. It’s a nickname, like Ms. Money and Tornado. Those are my sisters, Monica and Latoya. My dad goes by Hatchet because he used to shake one at people when he was mad. I’m about five-foot-eight, 120 pounds. Football used…

Have it Your Way … or Not

It is certainly good news that Miami-based Burger King announced this week that the company will begin buying eggs and pork from suppliers that don’t confine their animals in crates and pens. PETA has declared a victory, as has the Humane Society of the United States. According to the New…

Fightin’ Ned Gets His Own T-Shirt

The apotheosis of A’mod Ned continues. Last fall the injured FIU football player was photographed walking onto the field on crutches to try to join the notorious brawl between UM and FIU players. Shortly thereafter, the bloggers at Deadspin began Photoshopping the be-crutched Ned into legendary battles, including the D-Day…

Starbucks Marches On

Taking over a neighborhood near us The gentrifying march of Starbucks goes on. The giant, earth-devouring coffee chain has planted its latest flag on the northeast corner of Biscayne Boulevard and 30th Street, in front of the moldering former Delicias del mar Peruano restaurant, and just a couple blocks north…

El Salvador Says No to Satan

It seems the El Salvadorians are not convinced by Jose Louis de Jesus Miranda’s claim he is the second coming of Christ. Nor are they too happy about him traveling to their central American nation and encouraging folks to tattoo a 666 symbol on their bodies. So unhappy are they…

Club Madonna Earns its Feminist Stripes

As it turns out, patrons of South Beach nudie institution Club Madonna are staunch feminists. They named the place #1 Sexist club in Miami, according to a full page ad on page 62 of this week’s Sun Post (right). — Rob Jordan…

Federal Investigator Says Miami Cop Attacked Him

Eugene Davis has no love for the Miami Police Department. “If you’re a Miami cop,” Davis grouses, “you can pretty much get away with anything.” The 38-year-old federal investigator is fuming over the Broward State Attorney’s Office decision to drop a misdemeanor battery charge against William Scarola III, a Miami…