While Gustav missed us completely, the storm made for one gloomy Labor Day weekend. The sun finally managed to come out on Labor Day, thankfully, because we were about to declare this weekend a bust solely on the fact that its was almost completely sunless. But despite the lack of…
via Flickr The Hoff at his finest. David Hasselhoff and Riptide would like to remind you not to drink and drive during this Labor Day weekend. Not only because, you know, that’s stupid and dangerous, but also because their will be tons of on-duty officers all over South Florida. In…
via WPTV Someone please protect baby Fauxbama from the white supremacist Republican party official. What the hell is going on in Palm Beach County this week? Why are they daring to out crazy us? Don’t they know how important Miami-Dade’s title of “Zaniest County Ever” is to our precious sense…
Remember the 95 Express lanes, also known as the Lexus lanes? Well, here is hoping they figure out how to put the “express” back in the name because according to Some Cranky Guy, they aren’t exactly working out as planned: Before the 95expressNot lanes, I could easily do 30 or…
via Flickr A deathly whaaaaa??? Time for some morbid math. It costs $2,400 less to ship a body for burial in Cuba than it would to bury the deceased in Miami. That’s one of the reasons many local families are turning to Rafaiy Alkhalifa in their time of grief. Alkhalifa…
The Miami Herald, The Sun-Sentinel, The Palm Beach Post
Rudy Crew Last time on Miami’s favorite soap opera, As The School Board Turns, Superintendent Rudy Crew, the diva villain of the show, snubbed a budget meeting. Then he saw his narrow base of support from the board eroded when Larry Feldman shockingly beat incumbent Evelyn Greer in this week’s…
via Wikimedia Commons Palin proudly wears a coat made of the toupees of all the male politicians she beat out. After months of speculation, turns out Gov. Charlie Crist won’t be number two on the Republican ticket. Instead McCain picked Alaska Gov. Sarah “PUMA bait” Palin. Buzz that Crist would…
via The GuardianYou can acquit if on his face the sunglasses sit. Damn you Horatio Cain, and your stupid sunglasses too. Wednesday, when the jury acquitted Francisco Oliveira Jr. on charges he shot songwriter Estefano I theorized that they didn’t have enough “CSI-style physical evidence” to come to a guilty…
Today is the third anniversary of the day Katrina struck New Orleans. That’s in the news, news,, news. And Gustav is headed in the city’s general direction. Well, all Riptide has to say is: “Shut up! I mean, Miami has been ravaged by Andrew and whacked by Wilma. We know…
Charles Canady, Charlie Crist, Bill Clinton
Courtesy of the Coral Gables Gazette George Volsky is a bad ass. This week, New Times featured an article about old-school journalist George Volsky and his ongoing conflict with Coral Gables City Manager David Brown. To recap, the former New York Times reporter busted Brown for dining lavishly on taxpayers’…
via Dolphin Stadium Randy Shannon probably would have scheduled a pee wee football team as the opponent in the Hurricanes’ Dolphin Stadium debut tonight if he could have gotten away with it. Instead they’re facing FCS (formerly known as Division I-AA) team Charleston Southern. The CSU Bucaneers are 0-4 against…
poverty
Sometimes Riptide just can’t bear modern times. This city seems a little out of control, what, with all the diamond thieves, Chonga-mall pot busts, and roving gangs of grandmothers. It has us searching for a little borrowed nostalgia from the unremembered fifties. Luckily, Romano Archives recently uploaded this vintage Chevrolet…
Raul Martinez Speaker Nancy Pelosi would like nothing more than to add a few more people with a (D) after their names do her bidding in the U.S. House of Representatives, and her wish looks like it could come true in a historically Republican Miami district. Incumbent Congressman Lincoln Diaz-Balart,…
Manny Diaz, Democratic National Convention
It is a creepy feeling, knowing these masked men have cased you for weeks, studying your every move. Leon Rozio had crossed paths with their kind before — highly organized South American theft gangs that employ sophisticated surveillance and commando-style assault tactics. Rozio, age 64, is one of a dying…
Armed with a pen and notebook, 87-year-old George Volsky climbed the stairs in Coral Gables City Hall the afternoon of August 12. With his thick black eyeglasses and the last of his snowy hair parted to the side, he could have passed for just another Florida retiree. But something was…
He’s French, goes by Chris or Christian, and might just be the ballsiest criminal on South Beach. Last month, he hacked into a lockbox outside an apartment that was available for rent, took the keys, and plastered his cell phone number on signs near the building. Then he rented the…
In a bleak meeting room inside a dull government building, the safety of your drinking water is being debated in a scientific language you likely don’t understand. And one of the people with the deepest knowledge about the issue isn’t allowed to attend. As New Times reported in March (“Poisoned…
A few years ago, Dr. Joe, a dentist from Palm Beach County, had a female patient with a special problem. Her upper and lower dentures rattled when she performed oral sex on her boyfriend. Dr. Joe suggested she simply take them out. But the woman was distraught. Her boyfriend, she…
