Whitney Port is So Sorry You Had To See her Nipples

Whitney Port’s new MTV reality show The City isn’t doing so hot in the ratings. She’s in town to film an episode apparently, and while frolicking on South Beach a paparazzi documented nip slip. Whoops. She quickly followed up with a public apology on her website: Okay so a couple…

Miami Herald Apologizes For Its Depressing Twitter

Like everyone in the entire world the Miami Herald has a twitter that aggregates their headlines in tweet form. Whoop-di-doo, we have one too! The only difference is that we will not personally apologize for the depressing nature of our tweets as they did to this blogger. This is actually…

Tampa Prudes Promise to Ruin Lingerie Bowl for Everyone

We understand the disgust some folks might feel when they’re introduced to the idea of lingerie football. It’s always something like “blah blah blah exploitation, vulgar, sexist blah blah blah.” But this is America, and if pretty, young ladies want to be exploited or whatever by making money to play…

Obama Takes Our Gay Bishop Advice!

Remember that hullabaloo over Barack Obama inviting not-so-gay-friendly Rick Warren to give the invocation at his inauguration? Riptide helpfully stepped in and offered suggestions for less controversial, more gay-friendly religious folks whom Obama should have invited, including Reverend Lovejoy, Reverend Run, Blackface Jesus, and openly gay Bishop Gene Robinson. Well, la-di-da,…

Congratulations, We’re the Fattest City in America!

Men’s Fitness has been tracking America’s fattest city for the past 11 years, and Miami came out number one. We’re even fatter than Oklahoma City! The methodology takes more into account than just the percentage of overweight people, but we certainly have our share. From USA Today:”Miami received poor marks…

News Roundup

Fidel Castro is reportedly on his deathbed, and these reports are more sound than the one Perez Hilton posted last year. [Herald]Some thieves drove to the Village of Merrick Park, smashed their car into the Gucci store window, grabbed everything in sight, and took off. Police are on the lookout…

Humanitarianism? Never Heard of It.

President Bush will finally leave the White House next week, which means the United States now stands a chance at reversing our reputation as douchebags of the universe. Before departing office, however, Dubya decided he would give the good people of South Florida a little farewell gift: another bad decision…

Sorry, Lungs, Florida Remains a Smoker’s Haven

The American Lung Association released Florida’s annual smoking report card, and we got three Fs. As in F’ing awesome? No, as in one out of five Floridians are slowly F’ing killing themselves. Whoops. The ALA recognizes the state for increasing its tobacco control funding, but overall we’re still failing. We…

Ex-Wives Can Be a Devil, Even for Antichrists

We’ve interoduced you before to our local antichrist, José Luis De Jesus Miranda, who runs his Growing in Grace International Ministry out of Miami. He’s a creepy son of a bitch who claims to be both Jesus reincarnated and the antichrist. His followers tattoo “666” on their bodies, and many experts have…

Senate 2010: Kendrick Gets in Quick, Sink Still Has to Think

Miami boy Kendrick Meek became the first official announced candidate for the 2010 Senate race, sure to be one of the most dramatic in the nation. As expected, he announced it this morning, and used much of the same “This is about Florida” rhetoric we commented about earlier. He’s not…

New Times on Plum TV (Shameless Self-Promotion)

When Plum TV execs asked us to appear on their new show, Juice, I asked the producer if she was sure. See, Plum is a classy affair, and we aren’t 944 (not that we’d want to be that hot mess of a magazine) or Ocean Drive; we write about stripper murders…

Obama’s First Act: Closing Gitmo (But Don’t Say Farewell Just Yet)

The prez-elect electrified the newswires yesterday when word leaked he plans to issue an executive order during his first week in office — and maybe his first day — officially shutting down the detention camps at Guantánamo Bay.But before you start planning those Gitmo V-Day parades, Obama sounded a more…

Miami Is Losing Its Buzz

Do you remember the citywide excitement last year when Miami was named the third most caffeinated city in the United States? Don’t you remember all the parades and the front-page headlines and the outpouring of civic pride? Remember how we danced? Oh, how we danced, while each downing ten café cubanos in a…

Can We Get Landmark Status for the Sum Yum Gai Sign?

I nominate the Sum Yum Gai sign. As Chet and Ryan from this season’s Real World illustrate, it’s already a popular photo op. Search Sum Yum Gai on Flickr, Google Images,or Photobucket and you’ll see, for whatever reason, people love having their picture taken in front of the sign. Let’s take…

The Perfect Resumé for a Florida Senate Seat

Political math god Nate Silver put together a handy pie chart showing that the career stop for a majority of current U.S. senators is a U.S. House seat. Good news for Kendrick Meek, Connie Mack IV, and the handful of other representatives who might be angling for the seat, but…

News Roundup

The Miami Herald quietly upped its price for the first time in 18 years to $0.50 for the weekday edition. So wait they had massive layoffs, entered various story sharing agreements, and only now thought about raising the price to a wee bit higher than 1990 levels? [CBS4]Rod “I can parachute…

Kendrick Meek Expected to Kick Off Senate Run Tomorrow

All the other potential Democrats with wet dreams of Senate subcommittee hearings are waiting until the mighty Alex Sink (mighty because she is one of two Dems who can get elected in this state) decides if she’s going to run for governor or senator or Florida’s first galactic empress. Not…