All we know is that in 2013 Daft Punk has promised the world a new album. It will be their first studio since 2005’s Human After All — a superb experiment in robotic mass consumerism. And after having a TV commercial pop-up during Saturday Night Live earlier this month and…
Let’s get fucking weird. Indeed, that’s among the Beat Freak Generation’s fave mottos. But sometimes shit can get so weird that you end up praying face-down in a public park, slapping your own ass, and bounding around to a sweet beat while the cops slowly encircle your nude uhntz-uhntz-ing self…
It began Friday afternoon, just as the happy-hour crowd realized that something was different about its typical Metrorail commute. En route to downtown Miami, kandi kids in furry boots, nipple pasties, and CamelBak packs had overtaken the train. Ultra Music Festival was officially underway, but the sideshow had only just…
If the colorful and magical land of Ultra Music Festival sits at the end of the rainbow, then perhaps the music is the gold, and the ravers? They’re leprechauns. At least they were yesterday when the fest coincided with the second most costumey of holidays. And if you’ve ever wondered…
In Ultra land, even the gnomes get stoned. And all the EDM princesses slap a UMF tramp stamp just above their ass cracks. It’s a beautiful place full of PLUR people. Honestly, we’ve never been to a 150,000-person music festival where the raver robots, Super Marios, bad bitches, unicorn bros,…
Gay, straight, bi, or simply rolling face, if you’re a man with abs like Jesus and just enough fabric to cover your genitals, there’s nothing wrong with sporting a little male camel in Miami this weekend. It’s Ultra Music Festival, baby! And the Gym, Tan, Molly fraternal order of male…
Every year, Ultra Music Festival slashes through the fabric of space-time and opens up a portal into an alternate dimension. Night is brighter than day. Silence is the loudest noise you hear. And bass is the only currency that matters. Here is some of the weird shit we saw on…
Damn, Ultra Music Festival is a mad house. Everywhere you look, it’s neon titties, the bottom half of an ass, or some kind of sexy rabbit hoppin’ around with a lollipop in her cheek. Last year, we introduced “The Seven Ravers You Meet at Ultra Music Festival.” But this time,…
On day one of Ultra Music Festival 2013, the main-stage DJ surprisingly played Red Hot Chili Peppers’ “By the Way.” It’s not one of the Cali crew’s early songs, but it’s a hit that came out when about 60 percent of the crowd (now dancing in tutus, “Show Me Your…
Will Ultra Music Festival 2013 descend into chaos? Probably not. The UMF peeps run a very tight operation. The kids have got access to lots of free water and wi-fi. There are cops all over the streets. And the vibe is almost universally pleasant. But there have been bad omens:…
There’s so much bass and lasers pumping through downtown Miami, it might break off the mainland and becom a new, free-floating island. That’s thanks to the millions upon millions of dollars that have gone into insuring that Ultra Music Festival 2013 is the most aggressively technological production in the history…
Ultra Music Festival is a weird and wonderful place, where strange and spectacular creatures roam free and freaky — humping, fist-pumping, and just generally upending the natural order of shit. Take this human banana. A total anomaly of evolution. He’s about 100 times bigger than the average banana. He speaks…
We found Molly. And if we’re ever at an electronic dance music festival in Brazil, we’ll know to keep an eye out for balas. Similarly, next time we’re in Ecuador and someone offers us pepas, we’ll know they’re taking about MDMA, at least according to Ultra Music Festival 2013 attendee…
We’re going to be honest with you. When Ultra Music Festival announced its entire 2013 live stage lineup, we were underwhelmed. The scope of the roster was perfect, but it seemed to lack the kind of anchor act that sets the standard for everyone else. Last year, Ultra had Kraftwerk,…
They danced. They rolled. They yelled: Glitter! Yes, these are ten talkative fashionistas of Ultra Music Festival 2013. Certainly, there were some better dressed, and others more sensibly garbed. But the following folks found during night one of 2013’s three-day shit fest — they were the ones who most caught…
What’s the most epic come-on in the history of Scandinavian EDM? Duh. “We’re gonna fuck this party in the pussy!,” as uttered by Swedish House Mafia, when Sebastian Ingrosso, Steve Angello, and Axwell were still young, up-and-coming electronic dance music studs. Today, though, the SHM dudes are superfamous. A little…
Lil Wayne (born Dwayne Michael Carter Jr.) is reportedly near death. Earlier this week on Tuesday, the 30-year-old rapper was admitted to Los Angeles’s Cedars-Sinai Hospital. He was released the next day. But just hours later, one of Carter’s bodyguards discovered him, unconscious on the floor of his room. He…
It sucks to be broke. Especially when Ultra Music Festival, only the best EDM festival on Planet Earth, is going down, and your friends, who were lucky enough to score tickets, are constantly reminding you of all the missed fun by posting pictures of Tiësto, Calvin Harris, and Swedish House…
When one club closes, another one opens. Well, at least that’s the how it goes in Miami. Wedged between clubs that have been bringing drunken shenanigans to NE 11th Street for years (including Space) is the strip’s latest addition, Therapy Miami. The new party spot will be launching tonight. And…
Too broke to uhntz-uhntz at Ultra? Stuck in Boise, Idaho? Well, no worries. ‘Cause UMF organizers have hooked up free, live broadcasts on both YouTube and online radio network Digitally Imported. So you can even rave and rage at home alone! And it’ll cost you absolutely nothing! Just like last…
Under normal circumstances, Ultra Music Festival has pushed even the most seasoned EDM addicts to the very brink of physical and emotional collapse. But now UMF has expanded to two entire weekends (AKA six whole days), which just might turn certain (weaker) members of the Crossfade team into pathetic victims…
Yes, Ultra Music Festival 2013 will still start tonight. Even though approximately 16 hours ago “a section of an LED screen fell” from the Ultra main stage “and injured three workers,” the EDM fest fully intends to stick with its two-weekend, six-day plan. According to Crossfade’s communications with Ultra reps…
