Turning Japanese

Humor writer Dave Barry admits he loves sushi. But he can’t help making fun of it. In a recent Tropic magazine column he defined sushi as “a type of cuisine developed by the Japanese as part of an ancient tradition of seeing what is the scariest thing they can get…

Asian Invasion

As usual, when I’m writing about food I get hungry. So while I was working on this review, before making my second visit to NOA, a new noodle shop on South Beach, I was overcome with a desire for something Asian, something light and spicy. This craving was exacerbated by…

American Pie

Diners are a hybrid of two distinct American eating concepts, one born in luxury, the other in relative poverty. The former notion was realized in the late 1860s when the Union Pacific Railroad premiered the Delmonico, the first dining car to feature fine linens, Turkish carpets, plush velvet chairs, and…

Forbidden Planeta

Up ahead we saw the revolving spotlights — the kind that cast wasted energy into the night sky in honor of a nightclub opening or a movie premiere — almost immediately after we turned left on Ponce de Leon Boulevard from Miracle Mile in Coral Gables. “Ohmygod,” my husband groaned…

Bread Winner

The strangest item I ate in the Peruvian Amazon river basin, where I once spent a week, was not the piranha we’d caught in a tributary off the main river and then deep fried. It was not the capybara, a tailless rodent that can grow to four feet in length,…

Borne to the Purple

The Purple Dolphin. The phrase brings to mind (1) a psychedelic Sixties rock band that once opened for Moby Grape, or (2) a seedy seaside disco lounge, or (3) Dan Marino after a bevy of hard sacks. In fact, the words are reminiscent of almost anything but a restaurant that…

Heat Resistant

The costliest real estate is that which sits vacant, unleased, or unsold, generating no income for its owner. No one knows that fact of life better than the city of Miami, landlords of Firehouse Four restaurant. Government officials took four long years to approve new tenants for the empty eatery…

Mama Superior

Heard this before? “It’s the next South Beach!” How about “It’s another SoBe!” At one time or another people have made such declarations to me about downtown Hollywood, Fort Lauderdale, and West Palm Beach. Even Savannah. Depending on the person making the claim, it was meant as a boast or…

A Beef About a Steak House

My recent panning of some of Miami’s Hispanic eating establishments seems to have gotten folks wondering if I’m a bigot. After my negative reviews of the new (and dreadful) Malaga and the historic (and dreadful) Botin, the mail poured in. In a letter to me, Donald Berger of Hollywood was…

Square Peg in an Oval Room

Back in the non-foodie Fifties, when I was a pre-adolescent child in a lower-middle-class, aspiring-to-the-stars family, I ate a great deal of chow at resort hotels — food that signified my clan’s efforts at upward mobility. And I adored the stuff. Not for its taste, mind you, because frankly it…

Cool Jerk

No doubt the name causes many people to do a double take: Sango Jamaican and Chinese Restaurant. Jamaican and Chinese? Does the place serve General Tso’s jerk chicken? Natty Dread egg rolls? What gives? A little history goes a long way toward understanding how national cuisines evolve, and in this…

Mediterranean Muddle

A few years ago New York Times restaurant critic Ruth Reichl postulated that because Italian restaurants are so common, new ones need an angle in order to attract customers. At the time she was reviewing yet another mediocre Manhattan caffe, this one attempting to distinguish itself from the other strands…

Eat Your Heart Out

Just recently I was sipping a martini at the Deco Bar in the National Hotel during happy hour when a woman approached me, crossing over from the other side of the room to do so. “Is that your baby?” she asked. “Yes,” I answered with a smile, full of justifiable…

Thai Breaker

I grew up in the kitchen. It started with miniature cakes in an Easy-Bake Oven, which cooked by the heat of a standard light bulb. Inspired by a talented mother, I soon moved on to the real stuff. Most days after school I tied an apron over my plaid jumper,…

To the Victor’s Go the Spoils

Something terrible has happened to Victor’s Cafe. I feel sick to be so blunt about it, but not any more nauseated than I was during a recent dinner at the restaurant. Since it opened on SW 32nd Avenue eight years ago, I had always considered Victor’s, the Miami outpost of…

Going Global in the Gables

I’m a little ticked off at Food & Wine. To celebrate the magazine’s twentieth year of publication, writer Jonathan Hayes chose what he considers the world’s top twenty food cities, including “culinary capitals” such as Paris, Rome, Bangkok, and Oaxaca. In a short paragraph about each city, he mentions premier…

Fast, Cheap, and Out of This World

These days it seems as though nearly every woman I know under the age of 40 is pregnant or just had a baby. I’ve even been asked to be a godmother for the first time. So far, however, I have resisted the urge to have a child of my own…

Restaurant 101

My husband has a problem with our relatives receiving medical treatment from residents (doctors in training). So when there’s an injury in our family — something that occurs more than you might think, given the fact that we’re all avid athletes — we avoid teaching hospitals such as Jackson Memorial…

From Russia Without Guile

I’m always sucked in by the aura of mystery that surrounds Miami’s Russian restaurants, several of which have popped up in recent years. Perhaps the cuisine — which seems exotic compared to the fare offered by the glut of Italian and Cuban-American places here — catches my fancy. Maybe it’s…

When the Chips Are Down

When a barbecue restaurant in Muskogee, Oklahoma, was recommended to writer Calvin Trillin, a true barbecue enthusiast, his first instinct was to ask whether it used plates. “Of course they have plates,” he was told, at which point Trillin lost interest. “I have eaten fine barbecue on plates,” he explained,…

Raw Deals

Miami may be the kind of town where reader restaurant polls regularly cite hokey American-Asian suburban steak chain Benihana as Best Japanese Restaurant, but South Beach, at least, is on the cutting edge of the sushi knife. Between east-west outposts Sushi Rock on Collins Avenue and Yoko’s on Alton Road,…

High Seas, High Ticket

The media’s relentless monitoring of the fire aboard the Carnival cruise ship Ecstasy had smoke coming out of my ears. For one thing, the live press conferences informing the public that the cause of the fire was still unknown — not exactly breaking news — kept interrupting my personal daily…