The sky is pitch-black at 5:30 p.m., that damn writers’ strike has plunged your favorite TV show into reruns already, and your Christmas budget looks like the dollar menu at McDonald’s. We understand if you have a case of the blues. And we don’t expect you to be happy even…
After a few lemon drop shots, you might think you’re the funniest thing since the 2000 election, and your equally drunk friends just may agree. But we’re here to tell you the awful truth: You’re awful. To see comedy at its finest, take your corny ass to the Miami Improv…
Are you pale, malnourished, and gap-toothed? Can you mimic a generic English accent, or jam your ham-size mammies up through a corset? Do you strum a mean lute? Do you carry the plague? If you answered aye to any of these questions, you might be just the sort the Florida…
This morning the sound of Daft Punk blaring from your clock radio jerked you from a blissful state. You felt a draft swirling over your body, looked down, and found your bed sheets torn to shreds. At first you thought your booty call had somehow transformed into Edward Scissorhands, but…
You’re an early-Nineties band that gets pigeonholed into the “alternative” category. You have one big, insanely overplayed MTV hit, which you follow up with an edgier, darker album. The critics hate it, but you embark on a tour to drum up support. Then your lead singer – fresh outta rehab…
So you survived the Thanksgiving tryptophan massacre, but that only means the holiday party season is officially in full gear. This year we suggest you take time out of your grueling schedule of celebrating to eat, drink, and dance for a good cause. Tonight’s first annual Unlock the Cells is…
More than 150 published definitions of the word culture exist. It’s a human thing — other animals don’t do culture. Hell, they don’t even try. More helpful than any of the documented definitions are two events hitting local stages. Carl Orff’s Carmina Burana — based on hundreds of 13th-century poems…
After you’re done with the leftover turkey (or tofurkey) and you’re fed up with pesky relatives, it’s time to escape and surround yourself with some of the most ingenious Christmas trees you’ll ever lay eyes on. Tonight you can be among the first to see the yuletide creations on display…
James Devine is listed in the Guinness World Records book as the world’s fastest tapper, able to pound out 38 taps per second. Try tapping your fingers 38 times in a second, right now. Not so easy, right? Devine doing his thing is a little more exciting than you rattling…
Shows like America’s Next Top Model and Project Runway are fun to watch, but they don’t really reveal the true glory of fashion. Let’s face it – in nine cycles, we have yet to see one of Tyra’s girls make the cover of any fashion magazine worth mentioning, and you’d…
Being a Miami football fan these days is akin to being a prisoner of war. The experience just keeps getting worse, with no end in sight. As the anxiety sinks into desperation, you want to do something, anything, to better the situation, but you’re trapped and your captors are out…
Something about that movie though, well I just can’t get it out of my head. But I can’t remember why I was in it or what part I was supposed to play. — Bob Dylan, “Brownsville Girl” Literally speaking, Bob Dylan isn’t “there” in Todd Haynes’s staggering mixtape biopic I’m…
The smack fiends and hood rats no longer hold sway in the tall weeds of the empty lot next to the Spinello Gallery in Wynwood. The sketchy tract that until recently looked like a scene from Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video has been sanitized in advance of Art Miami, and a…
As one of what novelist Stephen King calls his Constant Readers, I was as jazzed as every other monster-lovin’ geek when word came that filmmaker Frank Darabont was making a movie of King’s classic novella The Mist. Cynics suggested that after tanking big time with his Frank Capra homage, The…
The premise had promise: Characters from a “vintage” Disney movie suddenly find themselves thrust into our world. But somewhere between conception and execution, what could have been so much smart, sharp fun turned decidedly pedestrian. Julie Andrews (awww) narrates the opening animated sequence about a girl named Giselle (voiced by…
The unsettling tone is established early in Call of Duty 4, when the president of a Middle Eastern nation is publicly executed on the world stage, and you, the player, experience the deposed leader’s final minutes through his own eyes. Bound and unable to escape, all you can do is…
Ziggurat: If every generation must build its own city, then Glexis Novoa lays out the blueprints for a utopian rebirth via his graphite-on-marble works in which the archaic cohabits with the futuristic. His cities seem to be in a state of perpetual animation: Statues raised to failed ideologies stand cheek…
After squinting and squinting, picking out maybe one in 10 words of the translated libretto projected above the stage, I was not in a good mood during a recent Carnival Center staging of Cosi Fan Tutte. Which is fine: The music of Mozart was performed during the American Civil War,…
Angel-A (Sony) The Batman: The Complete Fourth Season (Warner Bros.) Bill Maher: The Decider (HBO) Broken (First Look) Chappelle’s Show: The Series Collection (Paramount) CSI: Crime Scene Investigation The Complete Seventh Season (Paramount) Eric Clapton: Crossroads Guitar Festival 2007 (Rhino) Gene Simmons Family Jewels: The Complete Season 2 (A&E) Hairspray…
Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmaker’s Apocalypse (Paramount) At last available on DVD, Eleanor Coppola’s 1991 documentary about her husband’s tumultuous trek downriver remains, easily, the best film ever about the making of a movie and unmaking of a man. Francis Ford Coppola thought he was going to spend 16 weeks…
Despite being saddled with a crappy name, the FAU Owls (wouldn’t Raging Hooters have been so much better?) are in control of their own destiny entering the final two games of the season. The Owls have improved dramatically under head coach Howard Schnellenberger since entering Division 1-A in 2005, and…
Wild urges? Mood swings? Romantic fever? Don’t blame the turkey leftovers; blame the cosmos. Let gravity pull you into the Full Moon Party at Boteco tonight. You’ll have a great view of that giant glowing orb in the sky from this Brazilian bar’s chilled-out back-yard garden, complete with picnic tables…
