En Garde for the Avant Garde

Figuring out the sly secret behind Mona Lisa’s smile has perplexed you, us, and everyone else in the art world. If she were a 2008 girl, she would have figured out where to buy a $1.02 gallon of gas. But if you’re looking to solve new, equally fascinating mysteries created…

Feeling Haute Haute Haute

From the low-budget runway shows you put on for Mom and Dad to the way you stare longingly into boutique windows — it’s safe to say you’ve always had thread-lust. Now that you’re an adult, your tastes have matured. While you still lean toward the glamorous, you’ve cultivated a devotion…

Cho Yes!

Over the course of Margaret Cho’s ever-evolving career, the world has watched her blossom from an insecure, self-described “zaftig” comedian into an empowering yet still-hilarious feminist icon. We can thank the ABC network for some of that. After execs shoehorned Cho into an ill-fitting, broadly drawn sitcom in 1994 —…

Soak Up the Sun

The sun is up, the sky is blue, and what’s that? A breeze is wafting your way? Forget summer — springtime in Miami is when the living is easy. Get out and soak up the rays before they become scorching, and breathe in the fresh air before it becomes so…

Every Rose Has It’s Thorn

Florida Marlins President David Samson recently revealed the team has an eight-figure salary cap — for marketing. The same team that apparently cannot afford to keep Josh Beckett, Miguel Cabrera, or Dontrelle Willis has enough to spend on a squad of dancing fat dudes and other crap to get you,…

Pampered for Pennies

The constant crick in your neck, the way the color of your toenails has begun to blend in with your skin, and the layer of ashen dermis on your face — all are signs it’s time to give your body a little attention. Unfortunately your job doesn’t pay you enough…

Cine-Amore

You might have guessed that Al Pacino is Sicilian. But Cindy Lauper? Only the good half, organizers of the Sicilian Film Festival boast. At the Miami Beach Cinematheque, the fest this year features a score of the Mediterranean jewel’s ripping celluloid and honors Franco Nero with a Lifetime Achievement Award…

Just Bead It

Once a year it comes to town, bringing a bonanza of baubles, gems, strings, and clasps. That’s right, jewelry-making geniuses, it’s BeadFest Miami 2008, coming atcha with a flurry of classes and exhibitions through Sunday, April 13. Today the show opens at noon, and the schedule of classes will ensure…

A Secret Society of Maniacs

A layman might guess mother-of-toilet-seat inlay is a nasty communicable disease. It’s not. Rather it’s just one of the many products at the Newport Guitar Festival guaranteed to drive collectors crazy. Prewar, hand-carved archtops; scalloped bracing; Vendetto; Epiphone: These are buzzwords to guitar freaks. Mention them to someone planning to…

Dude, Check Out My Balls

Miami ain’t exactly California. When we visit the beaches on the West Coast, we discover an entirely different motivation behind a trip to the beach. People jog, sweat, and jump for the sheer joy of physical activity. On South Beach, the bodies are equally hot, but the activity is inappropriate…

High Class at High Tide

When it comes to speed, poor people have for years preferred meth, the Sandra Bullock movie, and NASCAR, while the rich go for Adderall, the William S. Burroughs Jr. novel, and boat racing. It’s not that the better-off don’t appreciate feats of four-wheeled acceleration; it’s just that they don’t want…

The Carbonell Awards

At the Carbonell Awards last night, my boyfriend and I sat right next to a cameraman in the Amaturo Theater at the Broward Center for the Performing Arts. We wore tuxes, and we looked cute. Everybody else looked cute, too. The real winner at last night’s Carbonell Awards was actress…

Japanese Films Are Pretty Creepy

The Japanese Masters Film Festival at the Cosford Cinema at UM wasn’t much of a festival as it was a movie screening. That doesn’t necessarily make it bad but it isn’t what you expect when you hear the word festival, there should at least be some sort of reception or…

Picture Perfecto

To cash in on the Arteaméricas fair last week, some local galleries dusted off their stock and cobbled together ersatz shows hoping to snare collectors’ eyes. Chelsea Galleria bolted from the pack with “Lente Latino,” an intriguing exhibition showcasing contemporary Latin American photography, anchored by the work of Leo Matiz…

Paging Freaks

As a kid, I spent countless hours thumbing through a dog-eared copy of The Guinness Book of World Records, determined to find just the right stupid human trick to vault me into freak-show history. Turns out I didn’t need to waste all those years stretching my neck with metal rings;…

Art Capsules

Hipótesis de la Locura Jardin Hermético Ted Larsen New Works At Pan American Art Projects, Gustavo Acosta’s large atmospheric acrylic-on-canvas paintings convey a vision of sprawling urban settings as if observed through the window of an airplane. A Walk in Your City captures the light and buzz of a teeming…

Fourth and Inches

When Time recently featured George Clooney on its cover accompanied by the headline “The Last Movie Star” — note not even a question mark at the end — you didn’t have to read the article to know where it was coming from. After all, stars of the postpubescent variety are…

Now Playing

An unusually blunt melodrama by David Gordon Green, melodious poet of sentimental delicacies such as George Washington and All the Real Girls, Snow Angels introduces a pair of gunshots and then follows with a flashback narrative to account for them, cross-cutting between the emotional bludgeoning of two unhappy couples. Louise…

Carbonell Cold Shoulder

It’s Carbonell time again. The auditorium at the Broward Center has been booked for months, the menu for the sponsors’ gala has long been planned and vetted, and South Florida’s theaterfolk have already decided what to wear. As I write, the definitive list of winners and losers is sitting in…

Some Country for Old Men

Mick Jagger’s most essential physical feature, according to Martin Scorsese, is his bellystache. On the poster for Shine a Light, the big-shot director’s Rolling Stones concert film, Sir Mick is frozen in midsong aerobics, his back arched, his half-shirt raised, that yawning navel and faint hairline more prominently showcased than…

Winos Welcome

Ahhh, grapes. Who would have guessed that a fruit no bigger than your big toe could bring the world so much joy? Kids love the refreshing taste of its juice poured over ice, and adults love the fruit when barrels of it are sprinkled with yeast and fermented to perfection…

Blushing Beauties, Unite!

Sure, your mom says you don’t need it, and your boyfriend insists you’re beautiful without it — but let’s be honest, even just a swipe of blush across the cheeks, a splash of lip gloss, and some mascara equal guaranteed goddess. Okay, so some days you can only muster up…