Elvis Presley and Shameless Burlesque Break Out the Blue Suede Pasties

Put on your pasties and step right up for a never-before-seen performance where vintage, vaudeville burlesque meets the King of Rock and Roll. Tomorrow night, just five days after the 33rd anniversary of Elvis Presley’s death, local striptease troupe Shameless Burlesque and Presley imitator Randy “Elvis” Walker will pay horny…

New York Times Kills Use of “Hipster”

In what in some circles equates to earth-shattering news, the New York Times plans to discontinue use of the term “hipster.” On Tuesday, the standards editor claimed it no longer accurately describes what the American Heritage dictionary defines as “One who is exceptionally aware of or interested in the latest…

To the Haters: Shut Up Bitches and Lick My Boots

[jump] On her site, Ikard scolds me, claiming that I give out unsafe advice, and going further: “Not every Dominatrix receives their skills and education in the same way, but a Domme without some form of proper mentoring is like a firearm in the hands of an untrained gun user…

Miami Beach Cyclists Ride In Search of Bike Paths

Strap on your helmet and start pedaling. No, not just the vegans in cut-off shorts with fixed-gear bikes, but all of you. Tomorrow’s is appropriate for cyclists of every type, shape, and size. Hosted by the Miami Beach Bicycle Center, it’s the longest running of its kind and welcomes two-wheeling…

How to Enjoy Extreme Smothering Without Fatally Suffocating Your Boyfriend

[jump] Dear Sucker, I am glad you finally found someone you think is game, but I think you’re a little bit confused about the difference between “face-sitting” and “smothering.” While the two terms are often used interchangeably, strictly speaking, face-sitting is when a person squats above your face and demands…

Miami Free Times: Peculiar Playmates, Algonquin Night, Brazilian Films

Monday – Sunday: With all the attention to The Heat Lightning’s Jersey Shore sock puppets, maybe you should check out more softies (and hardies) at Broward’s Bear + Bird Gallery. “Peculiar Playmates: Curious Sculptural Artworks,” which opened this past weekend, includes handmade oddities, including stuffed softies and ceramic figurines that…

Miami New Times Free iPhone App Available for Download

If you ever wanted to have the Miami New Times available at your fingertips at any time, your prayers have been answered. Now available as a free download, the New Times app for your iPhone or iPod Touch brings you everything you love about New Times on the go. Available…

Babalú Hawks Cuban Nostalgia, Luxury, Convenience

Thanks to the recent show at the Arsht Center, whenever we hear the word babalú, we flashback to I Love Lucy reruns and Ricky Ricardo beating on his conga drums. What we don’t think of is a luxury drugstore. But thanks to a new store opening on Lincoln Road, you…

Dog Lover Tops Her Man Like a Dirty Mutt

[jump] Dear Dog Lover, You seem like the top in your relationship. If you weren’t, you’d probably be cleaning a litter box instead of writing me this letter. So, do what tops do best and tell your boyfriend that it’s your way or the highway. I am totally on your…

Playboy‘s Miss August Francesca Frigo Is a Miami Girl

According to the official Playboy Playmate Data Sheet, Miss August Francesca Frigo is a 24-year-old female with a 34D bust, a 24-inch waist, and 34-inch hips. She stands 5’5″ and weighs 115 pounds. Now maybe we’re weird, but isn’t this kind of stat collecting kinda creepy? It’s a little like…

Sex Toy Tips for the Novice Masturbator

Sex, love, relationship advice from a professional dominatrix. Got questions, drop an e-mail to askadomme@miaminewtimes.com, you naughty boys and girls. Read more about Mistress Lera at Notes From a Miami Dominatrix. I’ve been in a committed long-term relationship with a guy who’s like a corpse in the sack. He’s absolutely…

Drag Wars Hosts Semi-Finals Tonight at Club Sugar

For those of us needing a glamorous dose of drag while Rupaul’s Drag Race is on hiatus, or for those of us who are still recovering from the shock of Tyra being crowned last season’s winner (everyone knows that Raven should have won), there’s a fierce and fabulous drag competition…

Am I Gay ‘Cause My Girlfriend Touched My Butt?

Sex, love, relationship advice from a professional dominatrix. Got questions, drop an e-mail to askadomme@miaminewtimes.com, you naughty boys and girls. Read more about Mistress Lera at Notes From a Miami Dominatrix. My girlfriend was giving me a blow job the other day and she stuck her finger up my butt. It sent…

This Week: Tori Spelling, Grand Central Debaters, Weird Miami

Put that gold AmEx card away. This week is on us. Below, we’ve listed one (at least!) free event for each day of the week: Wynwood galleries, celebrity book signings, climate change talks scored by the Yeah, Yeah Yeahs, and even space-western art films. Monday: Wynwood’s Bas Fischer Invitational highlights…

Ask A Domme: Teenage Son Prefers Stilettos to Sneakers

Sex, love, relationship advice from a professional dominatrix. If you have any questions, drop an e-mail to askadomme@miaminewtimes.com, you naughty boys and girls. Read more about Mistress Lera at Notes From a Miami Dominatrix.Dear Mistress,I want to politely ask for your advice. I found out about a dark, secret obsession…