Sometimes, the world seems like a cruel and heartless place. Children go hungry. Natural disasters wreck entire cities. Madmen commit unspeakable violence. Who among us hasn’t wondered why life is so unfair, why the universe seems out to punish us, what kind of a god would allow these things to…
Deep within a room that lies within another room – which is behind a locked door — there exists an old steel cabinet labeled “Metaphysical Sciences.” The documents date back to the 1950s and belonged to Dr. Valentine, a local and peculiar expert on telepathic communication and a foremost scholar…
In theory, Miami is a perfect pit stop for any solar-powered vehicle — hell, it’s the sunniest city in the Sunshine State. But in practice, this town’s been overcast and soggy for weeks now. Luckily, the crew of the MS Tûranor PlanetSolar came with their batteries charged. The ship –…
Each week, Miami dating expert Nikki Novo gives us advice on finding love in this hopeless place. Have a question for Nikki? Email it to cultist@miaminewtimes.com. Breaking up is hard to do. And it seems like people rarely offer the right amount of sympathy towards someone who is going through…
Imagine you’re a lonely, dorky high school senior in L.A. You’re Jewish, 5’9″ on a good day, and you can’t dance. All you have are your skills with a digital camera and your Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, the one with Kate Upton on the cover. You sure as hell don’t…
Christian Slater hasn’t given up on you, Miami-Dade County. Sure, you screwed him out of participating in the electoral process last November, when he waited in line on Election Day only to discover the vote he eventually cast wasn’t counted. You even misidentified him as “Christina Slater.” What, haven’t you…
South Florida’s about to get a little freakier. Mindfreakier, that is. Criss Angel — magician, illusionist, guyliner aficionado, and doppelganger of Mystery from VH1’s The Pick-Up Artist — is headed to the Everglades for yet another dramatic stunt. It’ll probably be like his other tricks, in that you won’t know…
There are few cities in the United States that are as perfectly suited for motorcycle riding as Miami. Riding season lasts all year in South Florida; when most bikes up north go into the garage as their owners mournfully accept the onset of another bitter winter, the Magic City is…
Each week, Miami dating expert Nikki Novo gives us advice on finding love in this hopeless place. Today: Chin up, Miami singles — flying solo in the Magic City is actually pretty great. The grass is always greener on the other side, right? Many times, couples want some freedom, and…
Maybe you love George Takei because he was the original Mr. Sulu on the original Star Trek series back in the ’60s. Maybe you love George Takei for his unlikely alliance with Howard Stern. Maybe you love George Takei for his firm, friendly, and flamboyant support of marriage equality, or…
Bang With Friends, an app that lets you know when one of your Facebook connections is interested in doing some real-life poking, made headlines when it launched in January. Today, the site boasts hundreds of thousands of users. And a huge chunk of them reside right here in Hialeah. According…
Each week, Miami dating expert Nikki Novo gives us advice on finding love in this hopeless place. Today: How to get through this year’s barrage of other people’s wedding bliss. After months of dressing your fridge with a collection of heart-shaped save the date cards and magnets of happy couples,…
Free Cock?! Yeah, it’s a cheap ploy to grab your attention. But it’s also true: We’re giving away free tickets to GableStage’s upcoming performance of the show titled — no, really — Cock. Not since The Motherfucker With the Hat has GableStage mounted a play with a title as controversial…
You can call it the Sofia Vergara effect. You can call it racist fetishism. Or you can just call it the hot, wet truth. Either way, Colombian women are now considered to be the sexiest lady specimens the world over. That’s according to a poll conducted by MissTravel.com, which asked…
Take a look at the painting below. Closer. Closer still. What at first glance appears to be a fairly standard nature scene is actually a painting of a woman’s runny nose. We think. If you’re an anatomy expert, maybe you can correct us if we’re wrong. And if you’re not,…
Maxim, like all magazines sporting scantily clad, heavily Photoshopped women on their covers, is selling a fantasy. That’s especially true of its “Hot 100” issue, which ranks the sexiest women celebrities in a series of photos for straight dudes to, um, appreciate. Sorry, fellas, but Maxim’s pages are about as…
Each week, Miami dating expert Nikki Novo gives us advice on finding love in this hopeless place. Today: What not to do to land that elusive first date. Ah, the first date. Do they even exist anymore? After a string of group hangouts and zero dinner invites, you’re starting to…
Ever since his early days in the public eye, it’s been clear that Joe Francis — the creator of the Girls Gone Wild video series and a recurring character on Bravo’s Real Housewives of Miami — hasn’t had much respect for women. But last night, an L.A. jury ruled that…
Internet dating site What’s Your Price is at it again. The service, which connects rich men to women who could be bribed into spending time with them, released yet another study of the country’s singles scene. And you’re going to be shocked to hear this, Miami, but: You’re kinda shallow…
Each week, Miami dating expert Nikki Novo gives us advice on finding love in this hopeless place. Today: Five reasons to stay optimistic about Miami’s dating scene. I admit it: Like many other Miamians, for a long time I was under the impression that in order to find a suitable…
While James Franco was in Miami last weekend to accept an Ally award at the Miami Gay and Lesbian Film Festival, he apparently took some time out to celebrate his 35th birthday. So just how does a hyper, quasi-genius, unfailingly quirky, handsome stoner commemorate the ol’ three-five? With a cake…
You can say a lot of things about James Franco, but you can’t say he likes to play it safe. Franco is once again pushing buttons with his latest project, Interior. Leather Bar, a fictional story of the lost footage from real-life gay sex film Cruising that was allegedly cut…
