Blind Fury

Here’s another reason to make you feel bad about your incessant whining and ever-expanding gut: blind powerlifting. That’s right, fat-ass. The United States Association of Blind Athletes (USABA) is holding its sixth IBSA Blind Powerlifting World Championships in downtown Miami’s Hyatt Regency Hotel. More than 130 visually impaired athletes from…

Soccer, American Style

The Miami FC Blues have moved up to fifth place in the United Soccer League standings, thanks mostly to some stellar defensive play, which helped the team ride an impressive five-game shutout streak in June. And although they won only one game during that run, they collected some much-needed points…

Light a Match

This is the time of year mannequins fear most. Right around the Fourth of July, police, fire, and safety officials drag out the plastic people, dress them in casual summertime attire, and — kablooey! — blow them to smithereens using high-powered fireworks. Watching those synthetic faces explode is enough to…

Because You’re Worth It

Sun, sand, surf, blah, blah, blah. Live here long enough, and you’ll realize it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. Summer in Miami is too damn hot and humid to truly enjoy most of that outdoorsy stuff. The weather is stifling, the kids are at camp, and in these…

Stage Spectacularrrrr

When Sevillan matador Ignacio Sánchez Mejías was gored to death August 11, 1934, by a bull named Granadino, Federico García Lorca was moved to echo the moment across time. “At five in the afternoon,” began his famous elegy to the gallant bullfighter. “There was no prince in Seville who could…

Sweat Your Dance On

Sunday morning. The room is charged with positive energy. Sunlight fills the space. Hips rock, feet stomp, arms swing. A playlist specifically designed by the DJ advances through a varied range of genres, and participants are encouraged to get in tune with their bodies by freeing them. The dancers’ energies…

Australian Musicians Have Out-Miami-ed Us

Miami, why the hell don’t we own this whole nu-rave genre? Big bass beats, ghetto synth riffs, liberal use of neons, and a perpetual sense of being stuck in the Eighties — we realize it’s not the noblest cause, and we’re a bit late anyway, but come on! This is…

I Survived Racy, Spanish-Language TV

New Times staff writer Janine Zeitlin on La Cosa Nostra. I was the type of kid who got nervous during show and tell. My face would turn crimson. I’d shuffle my Keds. I haven’t progressed all that much. So when I was invited to La Cosa Nostra, the perverse and…

Robots in Love

Many will attempt to describe WALL-E with a one-liner. It’s R2-D2 in love. 2001: A Space Odyssey starring The Little Tramp. An Inconvenient Truth meets Idiocracy on its way to Toy Story. But none of these does justice to a film that’s both breathtakingly majestic and heartbreakingly intimate — and,…

Grand Illusion

Despite the potentially murky bait-and-switch nature of its new show, Miami Art Museum (MAM) delivers an intelligent spectacle of diversity in “Disappearances, Shadows & Illusions.” The exhibit, which aspires to challenge traditional notions of how the public views art, features upward of 50 works by more than 20 artists. “The…

Art Capsules

Interrogating Systems Amilcar Packer sits naked on a wooden chair in a dimly lit space. At first glance, it appears the artist is waiting to be interrogated by someone off-screen. Video #15 features two simultaneous, symmetrically opposed video recordings that collar viewers from both ends of the room. A rumbling…

Violence Is Golden

Of the summer’s many revenge-of-the-nerd fulfillment fantasies — from The Incredible Hulk all the way down the megaplex food chain to The Foot Fist Way — Wanted stands the best chance of dislodging Fight Club from fanboys’ Facebook pages. It has the same dizzying flipbook style, the same kicky ultraviolence,…

Now Playing

Mike Myers likes ice hockey. He also likes Deepak Chopra, a little too much. So he pulled together a bit of hockey and a whole lot of Chopra and called it a plot. Building a movie around the efforts of an also-ran celebrity guru to sort out the internal politics…

Blast Works makes blowing stuff up DIY-friendly

The words “user-generated content” usually mean you’re about to encounter one of two things: an irritating Super Bowl commercial made by 16-year-olds, or another dramatic chipmunk. Still, people love this stuff. So it’s no surprise that video-game developers are catering to the YouTube generation with “Blast Works: Build, Trade, Destroy”…

Duel on the Hill

The last time Ronald Reagan referred to America as a “shining city on a hill,” he directly attributed the quote to the Puritan John Winthrop. Winthrop, he said, wrote the phrase en route to America to “describe the America he imagined,” which, according to Reagan, “was important, because he was…

Ain’t No Thang

Your good friend turns 25 this year. You know, the homie who introduced you to the girls who live in orange hot pants? That’s right, it’s Hooters’ 25th Anniversary, and for the celebration of this milestone, a quiet dinner with family just won’t do. In honor of the millions of…

How Do I Look?

How do you tell a friend that her fashion sense sucks? We’re not talking about a subtle, mixing-different-shades-of-black misstep; we’re talking about your BFF’s consistently tragic knack for putting together an outfit that’s to’ up from the flo’ up. When she pairs those straining-at-the-seams Lindsay Lohan leggings with that ill-fitting,…

Spoon at the Jaguar

The vibe in your cubicle is monotone and blah, but today you can skip out of work and find yourself at a place where jungle kitties and vines climb the walls, and a Latin jazz band floats velvety-soft tunes through the air. Jaguar Ceviche Spoon Bar and Latam Grill (3067…

Te Amo Corazón

“Would you like to donate some blood today?” Those blood-bank folks don’t let up, do they? They’re always posted up outside the grocery store or pharmacy, jostling for space with the Girl Scouts, waiting for you to come rolling out with your shopping cart. Most likely, you mutter “No thanks”…

When Your Voice Is a Sinking Ship

Aretha Franklin, the Beatles, Frank Sinatra — all were discovered at karaoke joints. Okay, that’s a blatant lie. But stumble upon any karaoke night and you will see dozens of people who think they are Aretha Franklin, Paul McCartney, or Frank Sinatra. Discreetly laughing at these folks is half the…

We All Scream para Helados

When the sticky summer rolls around, like clockwork you reach for a sugar cone filled with a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream. Sure the creamy goodness of such a simple indulgence is soothing to the tongue, but let’s be real: Your taste buds are craving more in the flavor…

Where in the World Is Otto?

Miami’s own original Cock Rock Disco purveyor, Otto Von Schirach, is blowin’ up, folks. The laptop bass pioneer is finally back in town after a national tour, and he has saved the best for the home crowd. Saturday at Poplife in the White Room, Von Schirach will hold the official…