And the Winner Is …

Our latest obsession in the black hole of game-show hell is a little something called The Moment of Truth. On it, one contestant sits on a platform while the judging eyes of his or her closest friends and family — plus a couple hundred in the studio audience and countless…

The Biggest Bombshell

In the Fifties, the blonde bombshell competition was stiff. Marilyn Monroe was and will always be the frontrunner, but hot on her heels were Mamie Van Doren, Kim Novak, Diana Dors, Cleo Moore, Barbara Nichols, Sheree North, and — va-va-voom — Jayne Mansfield, who had the most out-there and over-the-top…

Havana Hangovers

Tired of hanging out in Miami’s dark corners, fueled by cheap rotgut and deliberate sleep deprivation? Searching for an inspiring end to a soul-withering workweek? The Ritz-Carlton Key Biscayne might have the ticket for those “hate my boss, tired of the same boozy haunt” blues. On Thursday nights, the hotel’s…

Three-Way Wednesdays

Everyone gets the blues, even on stoke-worthy hump day, because — as usual — Friday is just a taunting mirage. Fear not, barflies! Just a hop, skip, and a jump — er — drive north is the Seminole Hard Rock Hollywood. Every Wednesday night, this adult playground offers not one,…

U R Totes My BFF

Man’s best friend might be a furry, slobbery animal, but we know what girl’s best friend is — and we’re not thinking about diamonds. Who needs a shiny rock when there are spa treatments to be enjoyed? While a diamond does nothing but sit on your finger, look pretty, and…

We Believe You Can Fly

F**k what your sixth-grade science teacher said; gravity can be beat and you don’t have to live with your feet planted on the ground for eternity. You can join the cadre of birds, airplanes, and NBA players that are lucky to coast through the air with the wind beneath their…

To Patrick Swayze, Thanks for Everything

In the film Red Dawn, Patrick Swayze fends off invading Communists. So bad-ass. In Road House, he gives the definitive club-bouncer performance. Totally bad-ass. In Dirty Dancing, he plays a dance instructor in the Catskills, which is not very bad-ass, yet somehow Swayze is in full-on bad-ass mode. No one…

Apocalypse Whatever

Early buzz out of Hollywood pegged Tropic Thunder, directed and co-written by star Ben Stiller, as the end-all and be-all of movie-biz parodies — a savage beast with a rough touch featuring Tom Cruise in a career-resurrecting role as bald-headed, big-gutted, foulmouthed studio boss Les Grossman, who does the fuck-you…

Star Wars: The Clone Wars

George Lucas, that greedy visionary, is now in the infomercial-manufacturing business — the pitchman forever selling rehashed product to successive generations of younger and younger Star Wars fans raised on fond memories further curdling with each new entry in a sagging saga that peaked in 1980. As Star Wars movies…

Art Capsules

Transforming Light Through August 23. Dot Fiftyone Gallery, 51 NW 36th St., Miami; 305-573-9994, www.dotfiftyone.comThis zippy mélange might be thrifty on the electric bill, but it attempts to balance the dim wattage with a focus on concept instead. Don’t expect to be razzle-dazzled by laser beams, brilliant strobes, or mega-candlepower…

Big Hair, Bigger Instrument

Fresh-faced jazz chanteuse Esperanza Spalding cuts a striking figure, with her oversize Afro and petite frame. She looks positively teeny next to the upright bass she plucks, and her voice is sweet and strong. When she made her network television debut on Late Night with David Letterman, he gushingly called…

Melodious Thunk

For all his vast and venerable sonic contributions to Jazz (with an uppercase J), Ellis Marsalis should also be remarked upon for a profundity of teaching. During decades of leading the 88s down new paths, headily negotiating their curves, Marsalis has found time to spawn (literally and figuratively) whole generations…

Marry Me at Blue Martini

Dating is like a box of chocolates: You might pick out psycho mama’s boy on Tuesday, ’roided-up dude on Friday, and closet pedophile McDreamy on Sunday. But if you decide to go the opposite route, force him down onto one knee and get a marriage proposal out of him. Then…

Giving Voice

Did someone punch his Adam’s apple? After audiences have spent an inordinate amount of energy pondering Batman’s voice, the Jewish Film Festival comes as a welcome relief. Forget Christian “Accused Mother-Assaulter” Bale; the characters in the festival selections have grown-up issues. Take aging writer Max Kohn (Otto Tausig) in Love…

Kicking Ass, Eating Ice Cream

It’s hard to believe it’s been five years since the Marlins won the World Series at the Cubs’ expense. Yet Cubs fans continue to blame that historical NLCS loss on a goat and some unfortunate soul named Steve Bartman (it wasn’t his fault!). Indeed it’s been five years, but the…

No Belly Flops Here

The Olympics are here! The Olympics are here! And with them comes our favorite spectacle of sport: the high dive. There are so many things to love — the poetry of movement, the incredible show of physical skill. And let’s not forget hot dudes in Speedos — lots of them,…

Bring Miami Spice to Your Rack

Miami Spice Restaurant Month is a time when frugal foodies get to dine at restaurants such as Ortanique on the Mile and Table 8 for prices that rival T.G.I.Friday’s and Chili’s. But if you’re like us, after paying for parking and filling up the ol’ gas tank, you still couldn’t…

Language Barriers

Ways to get ostracized from the Junior League of Baghdad: (1) Wear an abaya made by Z. Cavaricci, (2) table-dance at the annual fundraising dinner, or (3) get a job as an interpreter for the American military. Not sure if anyone has done the first two, but plenty of Iraqis…

Sharp-Dressed Men

New York-based performance and visual artist Rafael Sanchez has discovered the risks that scraggly chin fur can pose in post-9/11 America. “I began growing my beard in 2004 and realized that in the current political climate, I couldn’t even grab a cab with my beard,” Sanchez rues. The artist, who…

White-Collar Dollar Clones

The fluorescent lights buzz ceaselessly above you, their hypnotic drone pushing you into a zombielike state. Gossip and shit-talk, squabbles and hearsay, idle hands, idle minds, and fake smiles dominate your life 40 hours a week. Working in an office sucks. But fear not, workaday business clones — Poplife got…

Mandarin Lessons from the Pros

In American culture, we reach for Hot Pockets, Totino’s Pizza Rolls, or McDonald’s apple pies when we want to satiate our cravings for handheld filled goodies. But when our neighbors to the east get that urge, they grab fried and steamed packages of joy called dim sum. These ain’t your…

Rare Sightings

When a killer whale and a bottlenose dolphin happen across each other in the ocean’s dark depths, one of three things can happen: (1) They pass like two impressive ships in the night, (2) murderous mayhem erupts, turning the waves scarlet, or (3) an illicit, unexpected act of love takes…