You. This is a short story about you. You stand before the mirror and look at yourself in the buff. Where once a pale-skinned sack the color of aged notebook paper stood, now you find a glowing being bronzed for the gods. Your skin is the hue of the buttery leather of an Italian sports car. There's nary a tan line in sight. You are sun-kissed in places you didn't even know existed. Yes, you. You have gone to Miami Tan. Sure, you weren't quite impressed with the name, but once inside, you found a tidy salon with a friendly staff. There's never much of a wait for beds, and the bulbs always glow like they are brand-new. You purchased the teeth-whitening kit that activates in the UV bed as well. Your teeth are now lighter than your skin was. You have achieved optimum color all over your body. A basic bed costs just $9 plus tax (and packages start at $40), so you're still rolling in cash. You are perfect. You are invincible. No one will ever be able to hurt you ever again. Nothing stands in your way. All of your wildest dreams will come true. You will become known throughout the world, and when you die, bronze sculptures will be erected in every town square across the globe. You are bronze now, and you will be bronze forevermore. OK, maybe those last few parts are a bit much, but that is a nice tan.