Shopping & Services

Internet cafés take the solitary act of working or gaming on a computer and transport it to a social setting. It’s not precisely like hanging at a cool SoBe club, but at least when you look around, you see other live human beings. Cybr Caffe is a budding local chain of Internet cafés that hopes to persuade you that these places are nothing more than a coffeehouse with a wireless connection. Custom-built computers line the tables in the small store space in the Lotus Plaza on Biscayne Boulevard, and although there are pastries, coffee, and juices for sale, it is clear the edibles are not the focus of the small establishment. One hour on these beauties costs $6; two go for $8 (prices differ at locations.) There are no restrictions on the sites you visit; however, the fact that other people are around will likely stop you from surfing those websites. Gamers and businesspeople alike commune at the café, which leaves you feeling like there is still a spirit of camaraderie in the world. But then, when you leave, you might hear someone yelling at a driver for going too slow, too fast, or not going at all.

What do Jamie Foxx, Ray Charles, Alicia Keys, Tennessee Williams, Lauren Hill, Itzhak Perlman, Francis Ford Coppola, and Jackie Gleason have in common? They all bought pianos at Victor Pianos, that’s what. The owner, Victor Tibaledo, is sitting behind the desk there today — right now, if it’s Monday through Saturday from 9 to 5, or Sunday 12:30 to 5 — just as he was 50 years ago, when he started the business in a single building filled with pianos. Now there are five buildings — one for grand pianos, one for uprights, one for organs, one for keyboards, and one for the office, where Victor holds court and occasionally sells sheet music. He has plenty of everything at whatever price (within reason) you feel like paying. (“I just sold a piano to a truck driver,” Victor’s daughter Lisa told us when we visited.) Pianos range from $4,000 to $50,000, organs go for about $1,300 and up, and keyboards start at $500.

Pass by the pizza shops and overstocked bodegas lining Washington Avenue and press your thumb to the fingerprint recognition apparatus outside the sexiest shop you’ve never been to. The black glass door slides open, you’re transported into an oasis of modest-yet-actual arousal, and your inner sex kitten purrs with excitement. This women-only, membership-only boutique is the place to go for European lingerie, evening gowns, shoes, perfumes, jewelry, and all the other tools a certified minx uses to cast her spells. Outfitted in black lacquer and Swarovski crystals, dazzling Roberto Cavalli chandeliers, and mirrored hardware, Sex & …’s décor is as alluring as it’s merchandise. Prices range from $25 to several thousand dollars, so it doesn’t matter if you’re toasting at the champagne bar, perusing the solid gold vibrators, or trying on a teddy in one of the mirrored fitting rooms, the vibe alone will bring your sexy back in no time.

Your kitty has been lonely. Your kitty wants to play. Your kitty deserves better than the sticky-floored place ’round the corner. For three hot days in April, you can get the finest in fake. Exxxotica Miami is where you go to make your naughtiest fantasies come true. Every year, the three-day porngasm takes over the typically staid Miami Beach Convention Center and fills the mofo up with scantily clad sluts and the bad boys who wanna poke ’em. Past years have seen once-stunning, now-scary skin-flick queen Jenna Jameson meeting and greeting fans, still-smokin’ Tera Patrick smooching for photos, and Ron Jeremy signing titties and flirting up a storm. This year’s ho-down took place April 18 through 20 and brought pneumatic blonde hotties Jesse Jane and Stormy Daniels along for the ride. But besides the knicker-twisting array of girls, there’s the merch — products for sale to fill every orifice and then some. Imagine a kinky wonderland filled with magical vibrators, whips, and Realdolls. It’s all here for the taking. You can play it safe with rabbit vibes, ben wa balls, and nipple clamps, or try something new for size, like the OYes vibrating cock ring, erotically delicious chocolates by Bedazzle My Bonbons, or the Hard On Lip Balm that claims to um, prolong the fellatio experience. “Best Before Head” is the slogan.

Kendall Adult Video opened in 1991. During the past 17 years, this shop has withstood hurricanes, protesters, and digital porn. “People don’t spend money here like they used to,” says the store’s co-owner, Robert. “By the time you put gas in your car and pay taxes, there isn’t much money left.” The Farm Stores market and Tony Roma’s restaurant next door have both gone out of business. So come on, Miami, we need to show our support! Why? First, Kendall Adult Video has the largest selection of VHS tapes we have ever seen. From classics including Caligula and Deep Throat to celeb vids such as A Night in Paris and the Tommy Lee/Pamela Anderson romp. There’s a section for each genre of porn: MILFs, she-males, 18-year-olds, homoerotic, black booty, anal-rama, monsters of cock, etc. And the place carries the entire Bangbus, Reality King, and 8th Street Latinas collections on DVD, which were all made in the Magic City. There are no “whack shacks,” so sleazy dudes rarely lurk around here. There is also an overabundance of sex toys: fake human heads to stick your dick into ($70), a faux rubbery ass with artificial hair around the plastic hole ($99.99), dildos, butt plugs, blow-up dolls, and an assortment of lubes. For less than $60, you can buy a whole stack of porno mags from the sale rack. Don’t forget to purchase a couple of those special ribbed glow-in-the-dark condoms. You might need them later.

You want to watch the latest release on DVD, but you know that if you buy it, you’ll watch it only once and then the thing will gather dust or serve as a coaster. So what do you do? You head to the nearest rental store and shell out seven or eight bucks for a movie you’ll watch once. You’ll pay a price equal to that of a movie ticket, and you won’t even get the theater experience. But if you head to Porky’s Video Club in Hialeah, you’ll leave with a few more dollars in your wallet. Porky’s is old-school; it still has some VHS releases in the back. Membership is free, and each movie costs $2.50 to rent. There’s a large stock — and games too. And new releases come in just as fast as at any chain store. The place has been around since the Eighties, and it feels like it. Every time you step through the doors, you can’t help but hear “I Ran” by A Flock of Seagulls playing in the back of your head.

As we enter this little liquor store, we become mesmerized by the hundreds, if not thousands, of beautiful bottles on display. An entire wall of vodka takes up is the first aisle, where we grab our favorite: a liter of Ciroc ($42.99). Then we head over to the whiskey and bourbon aisle, where the fluorescent lights reflect off the myriad glass vessels. A 750-milliliter bottle of Gentleman Jack goes for $31.99. At the back of the store, we find the fridge. It’s full of beer, energy drinks, and another fave: cold bottles of Hypnotiq ($13.99 each). We also come across those icy-cold little bottles of Alize for $13.99 apiece. And then we spot some fresh Phillies, not those dried-up pieces of crap that most liquor stores peddle. This shop is in Kendall, so these people know we need our blunts moist for our chronic. Cognac Phillies go for $1 each, so stock up. The location is in a nice little strip mall that also houses a Cuban bakery, a pizza place, and a convenience store. If you don’t live in Kendall, take a drive through Miami’s best burb, and be sure to stop at Demis.

Have you reached the point where the only way you can afford beer better than Schlitz is to nab a Grolsch at the Wynwood art walk? Then art-walk yourself a little bit farther down NW 36th Street to The Beer Depot, a funny-looking shack that has the best selection of microbrews in town. The shop carries pretty much every decent beer that’s peeped its head above the frozen grounds of distribution anywhere in Miami, and most bottles sell for about $1.50. On the more expensive side are Rogue’s Dead Guy Ale, Dogfish Head’s elusive 120 Minute IPA, and one of the Shipyard Brewery’s fine Longfellow ales. The place is a bit disorganized (just make a price list already, please!), but the guys who run it are friendly and, hey, the way you’re headed, you’ll be drinking Lite soon. So mosey over to The Beer Depot, snag a six-pack, and go get trashed with a little dignity.

This isn’t the largest place to buy wine in the city, nor is it exactly a store. It’s kind of like a cozy neighborhood bar with an excellent wine list that happens to serve delicious, Mediterranean-inspired tapas. But you can just stop by to pick up a bottle. Owner Ben Neji — he’s French, and it shows in the menu and wine offerings — stocks some 250 vintages; the bottles stand, floor-to-ceiling, right in the dining area. Many of them come from small-production vineyards, and (surprise) many are affordable. That is, they go for under $20. There are also weekly winetastings, during which you can pay $17 and try five or six delicious varieties from around the globe. And if you’re not sure what to buy for a dinner party, take a seat. Wine 69 offers 10 “flights” of three wines each (from $11 to $17, generously poured), which allow you to sample everything from delicate California Chardonnays to blood-red Old World offerings. Neji certainly took a chance on opening his place on this stretch of Biscayne Boulevard — not too long ago, it was a catwalk for hookers and homeless — but now that Michy’s and Starbucks have arrived, he has proven a unique concept can thrive on the Upper Eastside.

Inspiration hit in a chilly Dublin bathroom in 2005. Miami native Kino MacGregor decided to break from globetrotting as a guest teacher and return home to launch a studio. The following year, she opened Miami Life Center on a peaceful portion of Sixth Street. But the homey studio in the golden brick building is far from a dank Ireland restroom. The smell of incense and the sound of a trickling fountain fill the warm space where yogis can buy DVDs, props, and pleasantries. A single class costs $18, but the more you buy, the less you pay. Budget-conscious options are the $5 community class each week and a free monthly event covering topics from shamanic healing to life coaching. MacGregor, who is 30 years old, is an emerging standout among the deep-breathing set. The doctoral candidate in holistic health was recently named Yoga Journal‘s top 21 teachers under 40. She just released her first DVD and is the youngest of only 12 women in the world certified to teach high-energy Ashtanga yoga. And like her, much of the staff holds graduate degrees or has studied with the 93-year-old founder of Ashtanga yoga, Sri K. Pattabhi Jois, in India … not Ireland.

Remember the last time you took a pipe wrench to your leaky faucet? You were worried that if you didn’t fix it yourself, you’d pay the plumber way too much money, right? So you ended up paying a lot more cash when you made matters much worse … after hours. And it’s the toilet this time, huh? Save yourself the agitation and the expense by calling José Sosa before you screw up the next repair job. He’ll give you an honest assessment at a price that can run a third less than the big companies. And he’ll get the job done quickly and efficiently. He’s been working in Miami Beach neighborhoods for about 40 years, and all the Beach old-timers have been relying on him to keep them out of hot water. Now it’s your turn to sit back and just relax.

Ever had the sudden urge to get a giant scorpion inked onto your thigh while eating some Jamaican delights? Of course you have! Who hasn’t? That’s why we suggest checking out U.S. 1 Discount Mall, an air-conditioned flea market in Cutler Bay with more than 200 vendors ready to satisfy each and every one of your completely normal impulses — such as that deeply rooted human desire to set off metal detectors at MIA. This market has JL’s Luggage & Handbags and a variety of jewelry booths ready to pierce (almost) any inch of your flesh. Planning a party? There’s a dollar store! Vendors such as Duke Tailors, Bronco Wireless, and Fish-n-Things restaurant have got you covered — particularly if you want to get a pair of pants shortened while chatting on your cell phone and munching fried aquatic wonderfulness.

For some reason — and despite the fact that Miami would probably ban poor people from bars before stopping the wealthy from smoking in them — it’s hard to find rolling tobacco around here. And when you do find it, usually on Miami Beach, the prices are marked way up — six, seven, even eight bucks for a bag of something decent. And for the kind of do-it-yourself, hardy type of person who prefers to roll his or her own, that’s just too wacky for a bag of tobacky. So get sane. Head for the humbly named but ornately decorated Smoke Shop, where bags of the finest rolling tobacco available on the American market — that would be Bali Shag, of course — are only four dollars, as reasonable a price as you’ll find anywhere. So roll ’em fat and smoke ’em down! And when you’re ready to quit, remember: You’ll never waste more than four bucks throwing it all out.

Sometimes, as Freud once said, a cigar is just a cigar. So why spend big bucks on a stogy, even a really good one, if you don’t have to? And you don’t. Forget the shops on Ocean Drive — forget anyplace you might have actually heard of — and head to Danli’s for some of the best and most reasonably priced premium cigars this side of the Florida Straits. Filiberto Marimon, the company owner for more than 30 years, has littered the shop and his private office with pictures of Honduras, where his cigars are hand-made according to traditions imported from Cuba. Marimon has the peculiar notion — in his line of work, anyway — that no one should have to pay more than a few dollars for a cigar, no matter how good it’s supposed to be. With that spirit in mind, he offers his cigars in unmarked bundles — $20 gets you 20 cigars. Happy puffing!

This ain’t your old man’s stogy shop. In days of yore, when bearded wizards graced the sides of Chevy vans, a head shop such as this one would have had black-light posters, mushroom ashtrays, and tie-dye shirts. Today it’s Marley banners, Rastaman incense holders, and urban street wear that greet you when you slip in through the back door. (You’re not being sneaky — that’s where the parking lot is.) Once you get past the temporal distortions, you’ll find the same accessories your dad might have needed for a wicked concert at the Hollywood Sportatorium. There’s a vast assortment of rolling papers and other smoking accouterments laid out next to the blunts and bidis. Don’t forget to pick up a detox potion or those necessary feng shui items. And there’s a pizza joint next door if you just happen to get the munchies.

If you head to this place on a Saturday morning, be prepared to park at the Thai restaurant next door. It’s insanely packed on weekends. Rainbow Connection caters to all areas of flower-power interest. This isn’t just a head shop, it’s a place where hippies and lovers of boho chic can come to trick out their dorm rooms and VW vans. Looking for Grateful Dead incense? They got you. How’s about a chess set where the pieces are all colorful dragons? Look no further. Jewelry boxes, mosaic mirrors, statues of Buddha and Ganesh, stained-glass lamps shaped like animals, wacky key chains, and irreverent bumper stickers all vie for your attention in the store’s PG front space. You must be at least 18 years old to pass through the beaded curtain to view the impressive collection of bubblers, sherlocks, and one-hitters. Mini-hitters are a steal at $15. Then there are flavored papers, cigarette rollers, and bongs. Whoops, we mean water pipes. Ask for a bong and you might get kicked outta the store!

Trendy jewelry lovers have two choices: Suck it up at retail stores and pay exorbitant prices for quote-unquote designer pieces, or learn how to DIY. We’re fans of the latter. A good bead store is a fashionista’s best friend. At Bead Me, you can make a necklace worthy of sale at Neiman Marcus for a fraction of a price. Nestled in a strip of stores near Allen’s Drugs, Bead Me is a spacious, beautiful shop that offers Miami’s largest selection of seed beads and Swarovski crystals. Swarovskis here go for 8 to 60 cents, a real bargain considering how much a pair of the crystal earrings can cost at those cute boutiques on South Beach. Strands of beads run $2.90 to $30, and for the hapless aspiring designer, classes cost $20 to $25, a worthwhile investment if you’re planning to keep up with the hottest trends.

He brings me here, like, once a month. Goes to the counter and is like, “How much is the bath and blow-dry?” He asks every time. Every time. And I’m like, dude, even I know it’s $30 at this point. He always says yes and hands me over, so does he really need this information? But I like ladywhosmellslikelotion (I think I overheard him calling her “Daniela.”) I know we’re headed to the place at least a hundred yards before we get within sight of it — let’s just say the scent gets stronger as you approach. By the time I lay eyes on the pink-hued placard reading Junior’s, I know a biscuit is coming. Biscuit. Biscuit. Sorry. Where was I? Okay, he stops at the counter and looks at the photos of all the other dogs as they flash across one of those “digital frames” (what’s with you humans and your digital this and digital that?): Caramella the cocker, Nino the bijon frise-Maltese mix, Vicky the Yorky, Sasha and Seven (really?) the orangy toy poodles (really — I am cool with toy poodles), Milla the Pomeranian — one of the few pictured with their owners (guess we all just get handed over). And while he’s standing there looking at the pixilated pictures float across the five-by-seven LCD frame (yes, some of us know a thing or two about your gadgets), I can smell ’em. I know every one of those dogs by its smell. So beautiful is the smell of biscuit. Biscuit. Biscuit. Once he tells the ladywhosmellslikelotion to do something called “fullgroomingwithfleaandtickdipanddshave,” which I think runs him like $60 but which is soooooo worth every penny. (You ask, “Can you trust me as someone with no financial stake in this transaction, who reaps all its benefits?” Is that my problem? He knew the deal when he got me.) So when I’m all done — “fresh for summer,” ladywhosmellslikelotion calls it — he pops through the door and plunks down his credit card and ladywhosmellslikelotion hands my leash over to him, and I stand up at the counter and biscuit and … what was I saying? Biscuit.

Gas prices are killing you. Every time you think about how much you’ve spent filling and refilling that friggin’ SUV, it makes your back hurt so much you can’t move. And not long ago, while checking the oil, you tripped and sprained your ankle. And then the damn thing overheated because you didn’t add water to the radiator. Well, the answer to your automotive prayers awaits in Little Haiti. It’s full-service gasoline — just like it was back in the Sixties. Sure you’ll pay a bit more at the Unico — full-serve regular cost $3.94 on a recent day, while self-serve was a mere $3.27. But every now and then, it’s worth it. The efficient attendants will make sure your car is in running order (except the tires … they’re your problem). Your hands won’t stink of gasoline. And the gentlemen are friendly too. Just say merci when they finish pumping.

Local stalwart Tattoos by Lou is sort of like the Starbucks of tattooing and piercing, and we mean that in the most complimentary way. For starters, wherever you live in Miami-Dade County, there’s a location more or less convenient for you (Kendall, North Miami, two in South Beach). Second, they’re pretty standardized — you’ll get the same efficient, polite service regardless of which one you choose. And they’re clean — of course, a quality of the utmost importance when you’re going to get stabbed with a piece of metal. But where Tattoos by Lou beats the competition is in relative price. They won’t charge you an arm and a leg to poke a hole in another appendage; recent advertised specials have boasted piercings for as low as $20, including jewelry. In our book, there’s no better place to get stuck.

Driving out-of-town friends around Miami doesn’t really give them the full flavor of this surreal subtropical metropolis. There is nothing more exhilarating than taking a powerboat cruise on Biscayne Bay, where you can tour the coastlines of Key Biscayne, Coconut Grove, Miami Beach, Surfside, Bal Harbour, Haulover Beach, and Sunny Isles Beach. With three docking stations, Miami Yacht Charters has a wide variety of power boat rentals to choose from. The fleet includes Sea Ray Sundancers and Sedans ranging in size from 36 to 51 feet. A minimum three-day excursion costs about $3,200 to $4,000, but split among a group of four to six people, the price is worth it. For the true oceanic baller, there’s a fleet of motor yachts piloted by captains, so you don’t have to worry about navigating Government Cut or cutting back on those rum drinks you like so much. The vessels include a 55-foot Ferretti, a 60-foot Viking Cruiser, and a 77-foot Millennium Sport Yacht. On these beauties, price packages vary; the least expensive is a four-hour trip for $2,800. If you’re feeling like Kanye West, throw down 30 Gs for a weeklong excursion on the Millennium, and get a free tender or WaveRunner rental. A security deposit is required.

If you have a tat that you regret, you didn’t get it done at Lucky Tattoo. Not at the Collins Avenue location … nor at the one on Washington or 15th Street. And you couldn’t have possibly gone to Kentucky or overseas for it. Nah, you sure didn’t. The shop has catered to more than 250,000 customers, but the Lucky artists had nothing to do with that muddy tribal tattoo on your forearm. So try ’em out. You can bring in your own sketch or choose from one of the thousands of premade designs, and get exactly what you want. Costs range from $60 for something small to $10,000 for a full body tat. And if you ask for Dow at the Collins location, she’ll hook you up with a design that can be seen only under the black light of your favorite club (or Eighties bedroom).

Whether you are visiting Davy Jones’s Locker for the first time or consider yourself the next Jacques Cousteau, Underwater Unlimited is the dive shop for you. Serving the community since 1964, this Coral Gables institution trains and supports the Miami-Dade Police scuba rescue team and the Gables fire department. The family-run shop was founded by Charlie Matthews Sr., a man who has been diving in South Florida waters for more than 43 years. He has a team of seven instructors led by his son, Charlie Jr., who has taught underwater technique for more than 29 years and runs the University of Miami’s scuba program. In addition, the shop is fully stocked with equipment from every major manufacturer. Underwater Unlimited also offers affordable pricing on services such as refilling tanks and annual maintenance on regulators. The store is located just two blocks north of South Dixie Highway on LeJeune Road. It’s open Monday through Friday 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. On Saturdays, the shop closes one hour earlier than its weekday operations. It’s closed Sundays so the staff and customers can — what else? — go diving.

Island Water Sports is not just a place to buy wave-riding gear. It is a way station and information depot for Miami’s small yet dedicated surfer community. The store has been in business since 1976 and employs a knowledgeable customer service staff — mostly surfers — willing to offer you sage advice on whether you should go with a short board, fun board, or long board. With more than 2,100 square feet of inventory, Island Water Sports offers an astounding selection. There’s virtually every major brand — Rip Curl, Hawaiian Island Creations, Local Motion, and Kechele, to name a few. And employees do more than just encourage you to buy. They inform you of the best times to surf the limited beaches that offer worthy swells. They clue you in on how to join the local chapter of the Surfrider Foundation. On the store’s website, you’ll find instant access to the Miami surf report and a live camera feed of the South Beach coastline that you can control. So the next time you’re headed east to catch a wave, take a detour to the Island, mon.

Four-and-half years ago, Nuredin Hernandez turned bad luck into good. He lost his job as an electrician but ended up opening a comic book and collectibles store, which he bought from an old buddy. Now Hernandez spends his days playing Call of Duty on his shop’s computer or Magic the Gathering with the teenage and college-age geeks who frequent Ultimate Cards & Comics, which is located in a shopping plaza one block north of the Palmetto Expressway’s NW 67th Avenue exit. Hernandez is delighted to be doing something he likes. “I was into comics as a kid,” he says. “And in 1987, I started collecting again.” He has certainly done a phenomenal job stocking his shelves with cool action figures, comic books, and trading cards. There are hard-to-find issues of The Amazing Spider-Man drawn by Todd McFarlane, Jim Lee-illustrated editions of The Uncanny X-Men, and more than 25 rows of back issues from Dark Horse, DC, Marvel, and various independent titles. You can spend an entire afternoon just staring at the toys, which include Japanese versions of Dragon Ball Z and Transformers, and discontinued, rare lines such as Clive Barker’s Tortured Souls by McFarlane Toys. There is even a Little Lulu 12-inch vinyl doll and a Return of the Jedi Battle at the Sarlacc Pit board game. Ultimate Cards & Comics is open Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday from 11 a.m. to 8 p.m.; Tuesday and Thursday from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m.; and Sunday from noon to 5 p.m.

Those were the days. Sneaking sips of Boone’s Farm with your high school friends under the bleachers. It splashed across the palate like a boozy, overripe strawberry. Oh so bad, but oh so good. We get older. It becomes all about the Cabs and Pinots — turning our noses at our fruit-flavored roots. Family-owned Schnebly Redland’s Winery will bring you back. But not too far. Their fruit wines are far from the cheap stuff. The rural winery transports you to Northern California, where, for $5, visitors receive a glass to sip five of the local fruit wines. Keep the glass; it’s good for a lifetime of free tastings. A standout: the award-winning sweet litchi wine. A bottle of it retails for $18.95 and tastes like an exotic Riesling.

With six months to go before Art Basel, you have just enough time to churn out a few primitive masterpieces and cash in on the insanity. What? You don’t know how to paint? That never stopped an artiste from turning a buck before. Just wander down to the well-stocked I.D. Art, where actual (and helpful) artists will give you advice about how to gesso your canvas or wield a sgraffito tool. While you’re there, ask about their workshops, so you can learn to act even more professional. The Beach outlet is small but has most of what you’d need in a rainy-day pinch. The store is housed inside ArtCenter/South Florida, so hang around for a little artistic inspiration (or wander next door to Romero Britto’s space and smell the currency). By the way, if you need that special brush to finish off a painting but you’re dripping in turpentine, have no fear — they deliver!

Mr. Blue is chilling on a huge chunk of bark inside his terrarium, letting the bright light warm his black-and-Carolina-blue scaly skin. Mr. Blue hails from Batanta Island on the western tip of New Guinea, so he is not having any trouble adjusting to South Florida weather. The three-foot-long tree monitor lizard is totally digging being one of the cool reptiles for sale at Snakes in the Lakes. At $999, he’s one of the stars. But the dude is a bargain compared to the black-and-yellow Australian lace monitor, which goes for $4,500. If you buy this cold-blooded sucker, you’ll need an industrial-size terrarium. Lace monitors can grow up to six feet long. Fortunately, Snakes in the Lakes has a wide selection of terrariums and screened habitats, ranging in price from $50 to $220. Of course, snakes are the main attraction. You can select from seven types of boa constrictors starting at $119. Hell, you can really stand out with the $1,499 Albino boa. For reptilian lovers on a budget, the store offers a variety of chameleons, frogs, geckos, snakes, and turtles for under $150.

For nearly four decades, Obilio Gutierrez has held court at his quaint, three-chair establishment. It hasn’t changed a lick since he first hung a shingle outside his door. The décor still boasts the same old pictures of Chevys, Fords, and yellowing classic roadsters. Holding forth on hot-button issues while nimbly snipping away, the Little Havana stalwart has groomed several generations of clients. The wait for a trim is never long, and a haircut costs a mere $8.

Sit down a minute, girlfriend. We gotta tell you something, and it ain’t gonna be pretty. It’s about your eyebrows. Honey, your shit is all jacked up! Look at the one on the left; you’ve plucked it all to hell. Looks like Whoopi Goldberg on one side. And the right one, mmm mmm mmm. That chick at the tacky wax place got you good. She gave you that Vanilla Ice stripe. All right, stop and listen — we’re gonna get you to The Brow Shoppe, stat! The name says it all. Fifteen minutes with store owner Laura starts at $40! Tania costs $35, and she is too fly with her leopard-print tweezers. Yeah, it’s more expensive than eight bucks in the storage room in the back of the mall nail salon, but they are worth it. Trust. They will thread, tweeze, and shape your eyebrows back into arches. And for the overplucked side, they have Renewabrow and Revitalash for sale — along with enough brow powder to tide you over between visits. And if you feel adventuresome, they can give your stick-straight lashes a perm. Okay, okay — baby steps. Let’s make you an online appointment right quick; they’re efficient like that. We’ll have you looking fierce in no time!

Let’s keep this short and sweet — just like the amount of time you’ll spend at this tiny nail salon nestled in a nondescript Pinecrest shopping center. You enter, take a seat, get your hands soaked and your fingernails clipped, nipped, filed, and polished. Next, settle into a large leather massage chair and indulge in your choice of trashy celebrity rags as heavenly as the skilled fingers that buff your callused feet. The best part: This mani/pedi combo costs only $30 for women and $35 for men, plus pedicures last for an entire month. Full-service with a fabulous finale — now that’s what we call a happy ending.

Uhma Spa combines a healthy environment and pure, decadent ecstasy for your mind, body, and spirit. The beautifully tranquil place is bedecked to resemble the interior of a tree; rounded wood corners, green accents, stone vases, and mossy walls add to the ambiance. You can have a waterless pedicure or an organic botanical facial. But what you really need is a massage. Uhma is amazing. Professional masseuses employ Thai, hot stone, and shiatsu techniques to exorcise the rock-hard knots in your shoulders, thighs, and lower back. The primal relaxation massage costs $110 for 60 minutes of bliss. It is worth every penny. The masseuse slathers on your choice of the in-house Uhma Nagri massage oil. Once the tension in your back and shoulders disappears, you’ll likely drift off to Neverland. Don’t feel bad — it’s a compliment to their skills. Uhma also offers a variety of Asian and French wet and dry massage techniques. Other options on the menu include the Sabai Herbal Ball massage ($170 for 90 minutes), which involves the use of a warm — you guessed it — herbal ball, and the Tian Di Bamboo ($120 for an hour), which uses warm bamboo sticks to apply deep pressure and heat. The spa is part of the new Wellness on 6th mini shopping district of holistic and organic stores in Miami Beach, which all in all is pretty cool.

You might know about yerba mate via its recent desecration as the “maté latté.” But before it was served in postconsumer recycled cardboard Starbucks cups, the South American herb was more typically imbibed through a silver straw stuck into a hollowed-out gourd filled with the bitter, naturally caffeinated herb. And it still is — drinking maté is a strong cultural tradition practiced in Argentina, Uruguay, Paraguay, and Brazil. You can cultivate the habit too — this is Miami, after all — but you’ll need the right equipment. The Taystee Gourmet Deli and Bakery might not seem like the first choice of an aspiring matero, but don’t be fooled: The back wall boasts an impressive collection of Argentine necessities, including matés, the hollow gourds that take the shredded leaves (ranging in price from about $5 to $7), and bombillas, the little metal straws that filter the drink and bring it piping-hot to your boca. Of course, the store sells the yerba maté itself, with a few brands to choose from; a pound of the stuff, plenty to get you started, won’t cost more than $3 or $4.

If you’re an English-only novice to the maxin’ and relaxin’ scene, you might think ESPA is just Spanish for spa. But let’s set you straight right away. This is an internationally respected name. Spa guru Susan Harmsworth founded ESPA more than 30 years ago in the UK, and the name has become synonymous with high-quality and eco-friendly pampering. The concept is basically that, as the world spins on its axis at speeds that seem increasingly dangerous and reckless, it’s important to stop, center yourself, and smell the aromatherapy. The Acqualina was lucky to snag the title as ESPA’s first branded U.S. spa. Miami designer Isabel Saavedra-Tragash helped create this modern dream of a five-star salon of decadence. There are 11 treatment rooms, slate showers with ocean views, a Finnish shower, and a crystal steam room. The specialty is simply called “Time.” A spa therapist designs a customized two-hour treatment to give you the maximum ahhh for your buck. Treatment prices begin at just $120, but packages such as “Time” cost more. Ballers on a budget should wait for that tax rebate check to roll in: The joint is actually offering the Acqualina Tax Rebate Package, which includes an oceanfront room and continental breakfast for your trouble. The package costs $1,200 per couple.

This small, unassuming place is tucked between a gas station and an empty storefront, but you can’t miss all that it offers. A (partial) list of the services and goods offered by the Haitian-owned business is advertised in large white letters on the windows, luring the captive audience standing at the fuel pumps outside: “Pay Bills. Flags. Special Books. VHS. Immigration. Translation. Bible Center. Health Juices. Vitamins. Calypso. African Movies. Cell Phones. Haitian Movies. Internet. Perfume. Travel.” Why would anyone need Wal-Mart?

Wikipedia (we know, a really reliable source) defines boho-chic as “a style of female fashion drawing on various bohemian and hippie influences.” Walking into this kaleidoscopic Commodore Plaza boutique, it’s hard not to notice all the groovy gems. Brilliant blue lapis lazuli ($145) and green swirly malachite ($75) pendants sit in glass cases among amber, ocean jasper, and turquoise embellished with twisted silver fixtures by Avi, the store’s owner of about 20 years. “I love Coconut Grove,” he says, showing us a modern red coral shark tooth he recently designed. “It’s a little slice of Europe in Miami.” And though the Grove has become significantly less free-spirited (goodbye, Adam’s House) and more frat-friendly (hello, Mr. Moe’s) in the past few years, this little shop with a big selection keeps the la vie de bohème vibe alive with leather and silver bracelets that boast giant heart clasps for $35 to $38. Other funky finds include charms made out of Israeli coins and what Avi calls “the modern yin and yang” — a sterling silver peace sign over a dog tag ($75). More hip than hippie? The Little Big Store also carries Sass & Bide and True Religion jeans for $75 to $80. Other designer labels include Diane von Furstenberg, Milly, and Twinkle, all at 75 percent off. And if that beautiful Mandalay dress calling to you on a 50-percent-off rack is just a little too big in the bust, Avi will custom-fit it right there. “I hem skirts, cut sleeves, and knot them so they fit tighter,” he says. “I just want every woman to walk out of this store feeling beautiful.”

In exactly four seconds, your hairstyle will be out of style: 4 … 3 … 2 … 1. Time to hit Deco Drive, because whether your ‘do is fried, too-dyed, or smashed to the side, redemption is possible within these walls. You can take your look from Plain Jane to long, luscious mane with the simple clip of a ponytail; or maybe you want to turn curly-top into short-and-sassy-crop with a Tanya wig; or perhaps you yearn to just say hey to a headful of hair in a vibrant, new color. The store is chock full of hairpieces starting at $2.99. There’s wavy, straight, curly, and kinky. And the colors include your typical black, brown, and blond, but also hues typically found in a crayon box — blue, purple, pink, yellow, green, and maroon. And if you need to step up your wig game, try a Rehana with golden ringlets; a short, red, and spicy Teri; or a blond shagged Joyce, and no one will ever call you Plain Jane again.

Want chunky Lily Allen-style hoops, long beaded chains, or studded bangles on the cheap? Forget Forever 21 and parallel-park on the east side of the Fashion District’s tree-lined median in front of Adriana. Open for retail shopping Wednesdays through Saturdays 9 a.m. to 6 p.m., Adriana makes up for it’s fluorescent lighting and industrial gray carpet with a rainbow of loud, trendy colors — gold, green, orange, and hot pink — that flood the front of this mirrorless store like a psychedelic mosaic. You won’t find a strand of classic white pearls or diamond studs here, but you will discover an assortment of fun, funky, and chunky adornments from $7 to $14. Plus, items on sale run as low as $1.99 for earrings, $2.99 for bracelets, and $5.99 for necklaces. And sure, with prices like these, you’re not going to take home any future family heirlooms, but by the time all the coins fall off of your leather cord hamsa bracelet, it’ll probably be out of style. Just another excuse to shop!

It’s amazing, but in a city with a Little Havana, a Little Haiti, a Little Buenos Aires, a Little Colombia, a Little Venezuela, and a Little Nicaragua, there aren’t many places to fill that deeply felt American need for all things Mexican. But for you, our piñata-craving, taco-demanding, ranchera-howling friend, there is a spot to get all that you desire: Redland Market Village. Run largely by and for people born in Mexico, this weekend bazaar is a vibrant, bustling place filled with great food, cheerful live music, and a selection of produce, meats, and all manner of powder, spice, chilies, and beans. Best of all, it’s located along the newly completed 22-mile bicycle path/Busway — which makes it a perfect lunch stop on a weekend bike ride to Florida City. Try the menudo — a stew made of pork, hominy, and a touch of amor, Mexican-style.

Looking for a certain trendy Japanese toy? Hungering for the latest installment of grotesquely cute anime gore? Then keep flipping — because Japanese Market is all about food, and the real stuff at that. Tiny it is, but filled with goodies. An easy dozen of canned curry pastes inhabit one shelf, right below a diverse crop of fish sauces, dried shrimp seasonings, and things made mostly of fermented soybean. For those seeking a quick fix, there are plenty of exciting Japanese munchies to try, from wasabi peas to … well, we’re not sure what they were, but they looked good. Frozen tuna, pickled ginger, shrimp tempura, and a hundred other tasties line the fridges; one is given entirely over to sake, of which the little shop boasts an impressive collection. There are also sake sets, as well as fancy chopsticks, sushi tools, and — for those missing the homeland — a few Japanese newspapers for sale. If you get hungry while you’re there, take a seat at the shop’s small sushi bar, where you’ll discover tasty and very reasonably priced plates — eight bucks, and you’ve had one terrific lunch.

The closing credits are rolling on Jet Li’s latest film, War, and you get the sudden urge to take your life from Occidental to Oriental. You realize you’ll need 17 hours and a lot of yuan to get to China by air, but only a couple of minutes on I-95 and gas money to get what you desire. So you roll to Miami China City, and when the elephant statues perched in the window see you coming, they kinda smile. A walk through the double doors reveals a world of Chinese goods that will fulfill all of your needs; there’s a feng shui luo pan compass to determine the path to good fortune, a calligraphy set for writing letters to newfound Hong Kong pen pals, a Japanese samurai sword for killing Bill, and a dose of horny goat tea for — well, you know. You wander the store picking up cans of litchi juice, Chinese exercise DVDs, and a cast-iron tea set, all with an authentic gong hooked onto the crook of your arm, a kimono thrown over your shoulder, and a Hello Kitty suitcase in your hand. The store is the size of a Walgreens and filled with more than 10,000 products ranging in price from 25 cents to 4,000 bucks. By the time you’ve walked it from end to end, you might not know what everything says or means, but you’ll feel like you do.

The soil must be more fertile on Galloway Road. Or at least the businesses near South Dixie Highway make it seem that way. Not far from the venerable Norman Bros. Produce, you can buy high-quality earth at Parker Sod and stock up on gorgeous flowering plants at the neighboring Galloway Farm Nursery. Here you can find bright, blooming jewels for your front yard, lush green filler plants, and hardy Florida bromeliads. The specialty of this bountiful, beautiful place is butterfly gardening, and they have everything you need to create an enviable spot for feeding and egg-laying. Bleeding hearts cascading with red and white flowers cost $14; good ol’ red and yellow milkweed sells for $3.95 apiece. The Dutchman’s Pipe is $16.95 and sprouts a stunning purple blossom that’s practically the size of your palm. Green-minded gardeners (aren’t we all?) can solve pest problems by buying some ladybugs. And if you have a brown thumb, there’s a dazzling assortment of urns and outdoor yard art, including Pottery by Campania of Quakertown, Pennsylvania, and imported Italian clay.

Miami is one of the world’s capitals for midcentury furniture, but out of all of our high-quality outlets, the largest and most diverse is Miami Art and Design Expo. Run by brothers Robert and Carl Massello, M.A.D.E. features booths sponsored by a variety of local dealers, all of whom have favorite styles, designers, and periods, so you’ll find bureaus rescued from the old Eden Roc Hotel next to Sixties Brown Jordan outdoor furniture next to Eames Eiffel-base plastic chairs. Come prepared to haggle (prices are quoted on-site) and to spend more than you would at a thrift store. The dealers select the best pieces from estate sales, conventions, etc., so they know the value of everything, and you should too. It’s also advisable to come often. The Massellos are nice guys who reward repeat customers, and some of the best stuff hits the showroom floor in the morning and is gone that afternoon. But be careful of developing a designer furniture obsession, or M.A.D.E. might become your second home.

Don’t go to U.S. Tops expecting to find haute couture or anything that graces the pages of Vogue. This place is bad-ass, not Bal Harbour. Think tiny tank tops; doll-size, acid-washed capris; and tight T-shirts with sexually suggestive sayings. This is a store for the young (and wannabe young) women who love door-knocker earrings, name-plate necklaces, and Sharpie lip-liner — the females popularized in 2007’s “Chongalicious” song. Most of the fabric includes spandex or polyester and looks ludicrous on anyone over the age of 17 with more than three percent body fat. Prices, however, are excellent. Where else can you get a pair of pink stretchy hot pants for $4.99, other than at the flea market (which is kinda dangerous and has all those funny smells)? Still, if you’re hankering for cheap club wear (or you’re just cheap), this is the place to go.

So you want to strap up. It is your God-given right to bear arms even though gun deity Charlton Heston is gone. And this is Florida, where an armed Moses and his guerrilla band carried concealed weapons and used them in self-defense against Pharaoh. Well, when it comes to selling you a gun and showing you how to use it, the firearm experts at Florida Gun Center are a veritable burning bush. They’ll turn you into a phenomenally precise shooting machine. Open since 1985 (A.D., dummy), this Hialeah gun shop offers concealed weapons permit, home firearm safety, personal protection, and basic firearm training classes. They have Glocks, Berettas, SIG Sauers, Kimbers, and Smith & Wessons in every caliber, shape, and size imaginable. Florida Gun Center even stocks custom jobs such as a sweet stainless-steel Colt .45 with a wood grip and a Smith & Wesson 460V, a six-shot revolver that makes the .357 Magnum look like a pea shooter. They sell AR-15s, 12-gauge shotguns, and Winchester rifles too. If your weapon of choice is not in stock, the store’s goateed manager Rob or one of his sales associates will special-order it for you. Located in a warehouse space just east of the Okeechobee Road exit of the Palmetto Expressway, Florida Gun also has an indoor firing range. If you don’t have your own gun, you can rent a pistol for practice. Thank God!

In these uneasy economic times, it comes as no surprise that pawn shops are making record-breaking numbers of transactions. In Miami, especially, as the real estate bubble bursts, you can make some serious deals. And the definitive place to do business has to be Miami-Pawn, located smack in middle of bubble-bursting downtown. Open since the early Eighties, the place has clearly benefited from the condo boom. Fancy new buildings surround the shop, giving it an air of respectability and style sometimes absent from this sort of establishment. The entrance looks ultraclean, while the outside walls are painted white and blue, a nice contrast to typically dowdy colors. Inside you’ll find top-quality flat-screen TV sets (a 32-inch Sony model was going for $500) along with plenty of bicycles, name-brand watches, and jewelry. There’s also a varied collection of musical instruments such as Gibson guitars and Fender amps. Even better, the shop’s employees are helpful and attentive, making the whole experience as pleasant as it can be.

What makes a secondhand store special? To some people it’s the low prices, while other folks want variety and quality. At North Miami’s Red White and Blue thrift shop, you can find almost anything — clothes, furniture, electronics, old records, and books — at affordable prices. While many thrift stores fall victim to in-the-know collectors who deplete the cool finds from the sale racks, this one receives daily truckloads of fresh merchandise. No other secondhand store in Miami offers such an assortment of women’s and men’s clothing, with prices starting at $1. In the immense housewares section, a cool red Fifties teapot can be had for just 99 cents, while vintage LPs such as Sly and The Family Stone’s There’s a Riot Going On go for $2.99. In the electronics department, there’s a plethora of working vintage computers, including a 1990 Apple Macintosh ($99) and old Atari, Nintendo, and Sega videogames for less than $5 each. Of course, there’s always the tantalizing possibility of finding a rare designer piece at a rock-bottom price. And if you don’t find it today, there’s always tomorrow.

In Miami there’s no shortage of cool, retro shops. Blame it on all those estate sales and wealthy retires. Still, the vintage collection at Visiona stands out for its ever-changing selection and affordable prices. A few years back, local vintage stores charged extravagant prices for their wares. But with the advent of eBay, these joints have learned to compete. And Visiona, which specializes in authentic 20th-century furniture, is the place to fully appreciate and try out the great designs of the past 60 years. There’s no old junk to be found here. All the items in the store’s crammed showroom have been selected for their vintage authenticity. Genuine Saarinen tulip chairs, which sell new for $1,200, can be found at Visiona for just $350. While knickknacks such as Panasonic’s space-age Sixties TV sets can be had for $200. The store also offers plenty of lamps, sofas, and old design books.

If you have never cruised through South Beach on a scooter, you better go down to Scooter’s Super Shop and rent one of these babies. For a mere $50, a perfect machine can be yours for 24 hours. The place has a sleek selection of Yamahas and Hondas, and the staff will help you decide which one is perfect for you. As you haul ass on Washington Avenue, feel the magic as the cool ocean breeze blasts against your face. Fly past the tattoo shops, liquor stores, hotels, and bars. Hit 30 mph on that sucker, the blinking neon signs whizzing by as you turn toward Collins. Stop at the red light and quiver as that motor vibrates between your legs. Yell “Wahoo!” at the top of your lungs as you ride across the Venetian Causeway and through downtown Miami. When you get back to the Beach, stop at the Cameo (1445 Washington Ave.) and just sit on the scooter and pose. By the time you return to Scooter’s, you’ll probably want to throw down another 50 bucks. What the hell … do it again.

You wish you had a bike, but you don’t want to spend any money. You looked on Craigslist, but blah blah blah. We understand. This is what you need to do: Get your ass to the Broken Spoke, even if it means crossing water, and buy a bike already. Chris Marshall, the owner, is a friendly, fun-loving dude who’s a total nut for bikes. He hand-built the glistening chrome-plated tricycle he calls “Double Trouble,” in the corner — and he’ll hook you up at a reasonable price. If you just want a cruiser or a cheap mountain bike, he’s always got a nice selection out front, most of them under a hundred bucks. We bought a clean little number for our kid at a stunningly low $25. If you’re in the market for something faster, walk on in and see what’s hanging from the ceiling — there’s always something good.

Not only do they stock a $2,000 Jamis with a carbon-fiber frame at this old-school cyclery, but also they’ll patch your tire for $5 — plus a few bucks more for the tube. Then there’s that Phat Cycles lowrider for $1,199. You’ll just want to stare. Get a tuneup for $30 to $65. Your rusty clunker will hum like never before. The surfboards go for an average of $300. And if you break down in the evening, this is the place for you. They’re open until 8 six days a week. But the main reason to visit is owner Darren Vinditti. The guy is a biking champion. He recently took first place in an off-road race in Gainesville — and was also a champion in the 100-kilometer race at Oleta State Park. Just stop by to bask in his glory.

This funky shop hidden in a gritty strip of tired Little Havana storefronts is clogged with boxes and boxes of ladies pumps, sandals, and shoes for every occasion. They come in every size and imaginable color for $5 a pair. That’s right for the price of your Jimmy Choo’s, you can style a new pair of Niebla’s originals every day for the next three months and, best of all, the sales clerk still pronounces each pair: “Choos.”

Texting is so pedestrian. E-mail can be cold. Billboards are too pricey. Wanna say, “I love you,” “I hate you,” “Join Team Firecrotch,” or “I used to be a guy”? Everything looks better on a T-shirt. If you bring your own tee to Embroidery and More, prices start at $10 for printing and $15 for embroidery. From there, what you shell out depends on the type, size, and number of letters you choose. The kiosk is open from 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. Monday through Saturday, 11 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. Sunday, and can whip up whatever you want while you wait. Go ahead, plaster the name of a loved one across your chest, buy a large fountain Coke, and revel in being a mall rat.

Maybe you like to take a break from scurrying around the web by scurrying around the jogging path. Or perhaps you just like to watch some other sucker sweat while you surf and enjoy a cool breeze in the shade. Either way, bring your laptop and grab a seat at one of eight comfy picnic tables under the park’s large gazebo. From there you can check on your little ones as they scamper about the shaded tot lot, or gaze upon an expanse of ball fields that host local softball and soccer leagues. Then there are the batting cages and the 15-station Parcourse Fitcircuit. Originally named Pinecrest Park on January 27, 2001, the place was renamed in November 2004 for the village’s first mayor (we’re pretty sure her election to the Miami-Dade school board the same month couldn’t have hurt). In 2005, the park was highlighted as one of the best playgrounds in South Florida by Parenting Magazine, so you know there’s plenty of action. For sedentary types, there’s a snack bar with an extensive menu of Cuban pastries and croquetas and hot dogs and all sorts of candy and ice cream; most items cost a buck or less. Best of all: The wi-fi is free.

Do you know the difference between a Dunny and Smorkin Labbit? If so, the ultrafabulous new Miami Beach Kidrobot store/gallery is the perfect place for you. Founded in 2002 in San Francisco by visual artist Paul Budnitz, Kidrobot is the shop to buy limited-edition vinyl toys. There are only three other Kidrobot stores worldwide — two in California and another in New York City. The Miami shop, which opened this past November, is a treasured destination for vinyl toy collectors around the globe. The store’s unique appeal lies in the fact that many of the playthings are specially numbered editions made by world-famous artists such as Shepard Fairey and Frank Kozik. Some of these limited numbered toys are highly valued by collectors. Even the prestigious Museum of Modern Art caught the Kidrobot bug, getting hold of 13 rare vinyls for its valued collection. So now is your chance to snag that pink plastic, cigarette-smoking rabbit (the $4.99 Smorkin Labbit) or a specially designed glow-in-the-dark Dunny ($9.95). And yes, these toys are made for grownups, so it’s okay to want one.

For more than 30 years, this family-owned business has met the discerning gagster’s rubber-chicken, joy-buzzer, and squirting-lapel-flower needs. It also boasts thousands of Halloween costumes including Yoda and Princess Leia getups suitable for pets. The shop is stocked with hundreds of jokes, gags, magic tricks, and accessories guaranteed to unleash the inner prankster in you. Oh, and for that turd you want to plop on the boss’s desk, it will crimp you a five spot.

Hobby shops are a rare sight here in Miami. Perhaps it’s because most locals aren’t really into hobbies. (Drinking and clubbing are not hobbies, although some certainly define them that way.) Or it could be because it takes a special kind of patience to glue together all of those tiny plastic parts. Whatever the case may be, Felix caters to folks who find the art of precisely detailing a perfect scale model of a pirate ship, pirates included, to be a fulfilling experience. The place has an on-site mechanic to repair gas-powered hobby cars. Among our favorite products are the Estes rockets, which range from wee ones that cost just a few dollars to monsters that go for big bucks. All the engines and paraphernalia are here too. The store is open seven days a week (Monday through Friday noon to 6 p.m., Saturday 10:30 a.m. to 6 p.m., and Sunday noon to 5 p.m.), but don’t show up before noon unless it’s Saturday. Most hobbyists aren’t morning people.

Lowbrow art started in California, where a group of wonderful wackos incorporated fun elements of popular culture such as pink plastic flamingos, masked Mexican wrestlers, and tiki mugs into their art. Nowadays works by in-demand lowbrow artists, including Shag and Mitch O’Connell, are coveted by collectors; they sell for thousands of dollars in select galleries around the world. As luck would have it, Miami is home to the Harold Golen Gallery, one of the leading lowbrow art peddlers in the country. The colorful place forsakes cold, art-world pretense by selling everything from magazines, books, stickers, and toys to original art. Prices start around $24.99 for a Matt Dukes Weirdo Deluxe book and can reach $5,000 for an Isabel Samaras painting. What’s more, nationally acclaimed artists such as Skot Olsen and O’Connell visit the gallery during openings, signing autographs and mingling with patrons. The original locale is undergoing extensive renovations after an accidental fire in December. Even so, the gallery continues to thrive at its temporary space by featuring monthly cult classic movie nights, book signings, and music shows, making it the definitive spot for pop culture junkies in Miami.

Ever been in a Goodwill for too long? Your eyes are red, your lungs are slowly filling with mold, and just when you feel like one more $10 rack will transform your nostrils into Niagara Falls, you happen upon the perfect vintage leather jacket. That’s what Casa Bonita — a jewelry, belt, and handbag store in the heart of the Fashion Distict — is like. It’s filled with buried cuteness and future compliments, minus that musky, icky secondhand feeling. And, okay, at Casa Bonita you’re not going to stumble upon any labels that read Chanel or Louie Vuitton. Nor will you find a carbon copy of that drool-worthy Birkin bag you saw in the pages of Vogue. But you will find brands such as Bella Collection and Rina Rich, knockoffs of knockoffs, that sell for $20 to $35 a bag and $4 to $8 a wallet. They’re not posh, but perfect for the thrifty fashionista who likes rare finds.

After you watch another Project Runway marathon, your confidence is high. You think, If these kooks can make their own clothing, so can I. You remember those awesome summer camp tie-dyes and the Jackson Pollock-esque puffy paint creations. But don’t think you can make your own stuff. That is, unless you go to HiHo Batik. Owner Julia Silver opened the Biscayne Boulevard boutique and workshop after years of creating funky, brightly colored batik designs for bands and celebs. The store already has a devoted following, but now, for the first time, it will keep a regular inventory of sizes and colors in stock. And expanded inventory or not, the real fun is just $40: a lesson in batik technique, an ancient art form using wax and dyes to create an image, and the chance to create your own wearable art. Why not try it with a friend?

You don’t know shear stability from shock fade. You’re a lug with a lug wrench, and c-clamps make you see red. In short, you just wanna turn the key and drive, dammit. That big, hot, noisy, greasy black monster under the hood that makes the wheels go ’round? It might as well be magical for all you know. And that’s where G.T.O. comes in. If it’s an easy fix, they’ll say so. If your car simply needs new brake pads, they won’t milk you for new rotors. They specialize in — as the name suggests — classic cars, but they can work on anything, including the Biscayne Park Police Department cruisers from up the street, which frequently mingle with the Mustangs, Chargers, and Volkswagens in the always bustling parking lot. G.T.O.’s hourly labor charge, $68, is about average, but it’s a small price to pay to go on believing in the car fairies under the hood.

It’s all about cute shoes and customer service at this Kendall-mom, window-shopping favorite. It’s best to look first and then bring in your little rugrat — feet can grow by the hour, and employees here take the time to measure and analyze their teeny customers. The people at Sesame Step make recommendations based on your specific needs, rather than price and profit. This isn’t some overpriced joint where they’re just trying to make a buck, prices for a pair of chic, perfect-for-dress-up gold flats start around $28. And the highest price you’ll pay is $70 for an adorable, unique sandal.

So your girlfriend isn’t digging that Crock-Pot you got her last Christmas? Well, redeem yourself quickly by taking her on a shopping spree at Kore, a cool women’s fashion boutique that won’t singe your credit card. Kore is the latest clothing store to open on the Upper Eastside, joining a gaggle of other retailers that have transformed Biscayne Boulevard. Most of the inventory is from Los Angeles, with prices ranging between $20 and $100. According to a blond Amazonian beauty with fetching blue eyes named Andrea, Kore is a great place to shop when a girl is in a hurry but looking for something cute and complementary. “I like it because the clothes are trendy but not pretentious,” she says while eyeing a turquoise sleeveless top. “And they get new stuff every two weeks.” In addition to clothes, Kore carries a great selection of purses, shoes, and accessories to match its cute ensembles. The store is open Monday through Saturday 10 a.m. to 7 p.m., Sundays 11 a.m. to 5 p.m.

You are not going to find mainstream brands such as Phat Farm and Zoo York at this underground hipster store on the outer fringe of Miami’s Design District. No way, son. You will only turn up labels like Crooks & Castles, 10 Deep, Kidrobot, and the Hundreds, ones only true backpackers and skate punks know how to rock. “We’ve got brands you would only find in Los Angeles, New York, Paris, or Tokyo,” says owner Chris Oh. “Once a brand starts getting to the department stores, we stop carrying it.” The 26-year-old South Broward native opened Culture Kings in 2006 after spending the early part of his adulthood as a financial advisor. After making a considerable amount of cheese and a couple of real estate flips (before the market crashed), Oh decided it was time for a new, more fulfilling venture — one that tapped into his childhood days as a graffiti artist. In addition to dope T-shirts, hoodies, and jeans, Culture Kings stocks limited editions of Nike and Jordan sneakers. But save your pennies. These kicks will cost you between $250 to $450. The boutique has already caught the attention of hip-hop’s glitterati. Pharrell Williams, Fat Joe, and Lil Wayne are customers, as are local artists Brisco, Piccolo, and R&B band Pretty Ricky.

Vandas, ascocendas, and mericlones, oh my! R.F. Orchids, founded in 1970 by orchid wizard Robert Fuchs, is worth the journey down the Historic Redland Tropical Trail. There you’ll find rows upon rows of orange, purple, yellow, and white floral beauties that dazzle and mystify. These gems have earned more than 800 awards from the American Orchid Society. The nursery is open 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Tuesday through Sunday and offers free tours — led by Fuchs himself — on weekends at 11 a.m. and 3 p.m. Enjoy the idyllic garden, where you can lounge in a hammock or chat near a fountain and pond with a complimentary cup of passion fruit juice. Don’t worry — you won’t wake up in Kansas.

Nowadays many record shops are losing costumers and boarding up their doors. Music downloads and file sharing are rendering them obsolete. In spite of all this, the mighty Do-Re-Mi Music Center keeps attracting scores of clients. The reason: Well, Do-Re-Mi specializes in hard-to-find Latin music. Many of its albums are out-of-print gems that are not available on iTunes or anywhere else. The always-impressive selection includes rare albums from old-time, classic labels such as Alegre, Tico and Vaya. The large store also offers modern Latin music including reggaeton and rock en español, but the bulk is reserved for incomparable Latin music legends such as Sandro and Celia Cruz. A truly educated staff enhances the shopping experience, offering suggestions and help in finding those long-out-of-print, 1950s Celia Cruz Old Havana recordings. Do-Re-Mi also has a colossal selection of music DVDs, with classics such as The Fania All Stars in Yankee Stadium for $19.99. So the next time you can’t find that special tune on the Internet, head to Do-Re-Mi, where the record store tradition lives on.

Sweat Records is a hub of Miami underground culture. After the store opened in 2005, hurricanes soon damaged it and drove the shop from its original NE Second Avenue location. After a short homeless stint, it was back and in business farther up the street, in a back-patio annex of Churchill’s Hideaway. The spot was buzzing but cramped, so earlier this year Sweat moved into new digs — right next door. Done up in trademark aqua and purple, the location is spacious but still cozy. Comprising prodigious bins of CDs and vinyl, the stock is an eclectic mix — everything from Malian guitar pop to German techno to the latest hyped assembly of skinny British guys. Most CDs sell for $12 to $15. One blues/rock disc that’s flying off the shelves these days is Attack and Release by the Black Keys, which goes for $15. If you like vinyl, Canadian indie rock band Arcade Fire’s double LP sells for $21 and comes with a free MP3 download. And you can expect to find basically every release currently in print by local artists; if something’s not there, they’ll smilingly get it for you; they’ll also offer coffee, tea, snacks, and free wi-fi. The place even has a dizzying array of casual, in-house social activities (even a science club). Sweat wants you to stay awhile. And we hope it stays in the neighborhood for a long time to come.

In the era of laptop jocks and blog house, there’s still a place for those addicted to vinyl: in north-central Miami. Super Soul Records, the down-South outpost of the legendary Bronx shop of the same name, quietly deals out the doses. Open since May of last year, it’s run by George Johnson, a.k.a. King George, a longtime collector who is respected in New York for supplying big-name DJs and stores with the latest and greatest 12-inches. The local spot is a dusty crate-digger’s dream. It carries only used records and specializes in all forms of dance music — meaning anything with funky bass, from reggae to hip-hop to soul to Latin. What’s more, it’s open seven days a week, and prices are nice. Recent finds have included 12-inch singles by hip-hop legends Mobb Deep and Jungle Brothers for just $3 a pop, and a 45 by vintage reggae hero Byron Lee for $15. It’s enough to drive a digital convert into a wax relapse. A tip: Call before you go; the small strip-mall/warehouse location is hard to spot from the road.