Hormone Hormone

One of my colleagues here at New Times who lived in Spain has asked me not to compare Bigas Luna, director of the anarchic sexual farce Jam centsn Jam centsn (one of the well-received offerings at this year’s Miami Film Festival), with Pedro Almod centsvar, Luna’s better-known contemporary. I feel…

Borin ‘Em by Degrees

Have you ever been to a party where someone you don’t like tells a long-winded story about some fabulous adventure they had and you know it’s a good yarn but you don’t enjoy it because you can’t get around the fact that the storyteller is a jerk? Welcome to Six…

They Shoot Pelicans, Don’t They?

The one thing it is not is brief. The bird it most resembles is not a pelican but a turkey. And the answer to the question all of America has been waiting to hear is…no, Julia Roberts does not contract jungle fever with Denzel Washington. She gives him a peck…

Close Encounters of the Third Reich

Everybody’s a damn movie critic these days. When the president of the United States calls a time-out in the middle of his GATT announcement to give Schindler’s List two thumbs up — way up — you know the field has become saturated. What’s next — Al Gore urging every American…

Getting on with John

No, no, no. With all due respect to a certain beer brewer who decided to spend jillions of advertising dollars in a futile effort to convince the American public that its suds don’t taste just like every other brand even though we all know that the only reason more than…

A Schwing and a Prayer

Hey, gang — let’s put on a show! Ever since Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney made careers out of that story line in the late Thirties, it’s been the most overused (and frequently the lamest) premise in television and motion picture history. It’s like an unwritten law of TV sitcoms:…

Nazis in Love

Two guys fightin’ over a dame. If it ain’t the oldest plot on the books, it’s one of them. The guy-girl-guy triangle has been a dramatist’s staple since Lancelot and King Arthur’s old lady Guinevere bumped uglies in the woods outside Camelot. I’m-no-good-at-being-noble Bogart beat out Paul Henreid for Ingrid…

PaintIt (Very) Big

I saw the Rolling Stones in concert once, back in the (gulp) late Seventies. Those were the days of marathon mini-festivals staged in acoustic hell-holes like bazillion-seat Cleveland Municipal Stadium. Opening acts Tower of Power and the J. Geils Band tore it up from just after noon until right around…

Some Like It Dull

Robin Williams’s movies tend to fall into one of two categories: the comedian Robin and oh-so-earnest Robin. In the first mode, the peripatetic comedian essentially just adapts his stand-up routine to the cinematic role at hand so that what you get on-screen is a variation of Robin Williams in concert…

Homo at Last

Hollywood is pretty evenly divided over the question of whether Tom Hanks’s portrayal of a gay attorney with AIDS in the upcoming film Philadelphia will mark the dawn of a new era of tolerance in mainstream cinema or the end of Hanks’s bankability. Will his on-screen kiss with Antonio Banderas…

Everything Must Go!

Two guys you might never expect to find in the same place at the same time — a skinny, balding white fellow in preppy shorts and sandals and a heavyset black man in grease-stained blue work pants and a grimy T-shirt stretched taut over his considerable girth A are staring…

Gee, It’s G.E.

Like most musicians, G.E. Smith has a tough time giving a simple answer when asked what kind of music his band plays. “Well, it’s kind of hard to describe,” he says not very helpfully. “The songs come from country roots, but the band definitely rocks. I guess you could call…

In the Line of Fatherhood

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: Clint Eastwood as an aging lawman who relies on gut instinct in leading a manhunt for a killer who is not only smarter than Eastwood, but also more complex and interesting. Clint is paired with a feisty female with whom he clashes…

Dumas for Dummies

All you really need to know about Disney’s The Three Musketeers you can learn from the movie’s theme song, “All for Love.” Like the film, the tune merges big-name performers with half-hearted renditions of lackluster writing. Bryan Adams, Rod Stewart, and Sting all lend their vocals to the song penned…

Al’s Way

Remember these movie titles: Bobby Deerfield, Cruising, Revolution. They are the answer to a trivia question that is bound to arise over and over after the theatrical release of Carlito’s Way. To wit: “Is Al Pacino capable of making a bad movie?” Yes he is, but this isn’t one of…

Death Be Not Smart

Bob gets sick and then dies. That’s the entire plot of My Life reduced to its essential elements. Director-screenwriter Bruce Joel Rubin (the man who wrote Ghost) pads it with some forced introspection and manipulative hand-wringing. Robert and Gail Jones are expecting their first child when they discover that Robert…

Balms Away

A little more than 50 years ago, in the Sevillano neighborhood of Havana, Mirta Valdes was living a parent’s worst nightmare. Her one-year-old daughter Lazara was dying of pneumonia and there was nothing Mirta or her husband Ulises could do to save her. A doctor had come and gone; his…

Tears for Fearless

Damn, this is embarrassing. As much as I hate to admit it, this is the third week in a row I’ve actually liked a movie I have to review. And not just some elitist French film where everybody sits around talking about their affairs and listening to classical music and…

Running on Empty

The Jamaican bobsled team’s quest at the 1988 Winter Olympics in Calgary captured the world’s imagination for a combination of reasons. A big part of the appeal was the sheer improbability of four ragtag guys from a tropical island that hasn’t seen a snowflake in a millennium competing in a…

The Butler Doesn’t Do It

Looks like it’s official: Repression is this year’s Big Theme. The Age of Innocence, based on Edith Wharton’s novel, was great stuff if you’re into movies that revel in period detail, subtle wordplay, unconsummated passion, and meticulous manners. But that film’s leading man, torn between his affection for a proper…

Burton’s October Surprise

Let’s not mince words. Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas is the most visionary, creepy, macabre, funny, peculiar stop-motion holiday-fable/ghost-story/romantic-comedy/musical ever. Of course, it may well be the only creepy, macabre, funny, peculiar stop-motion holiday-fable/ghost-story/romantic-comedy/musical, but that’s part of its appeal. It is, quite simply, like nothing you’ve ever seen…

Prime Cuts

Little Casey is late for school. As kids in a hurry are wont to do, he bolts into the street without looking, directly into the path of an oncoming car being driven by Doreen, a waitress at a local hash house. Doreen slams on the brakes — too late! Casey…