Five eBay Father’s Day Gifts on Sale Near Miami Right Now

Father’s Day is Sunday and you haven’t bought him anything, you ungrateful pud. Here are some items you can bid on as of Friday afternoon to thank the man who watched your mom give birth to you. They’re all within 50 miles of Miami, so you can run and pick…

Jose Canseco Recruiting Former Juicers For Minor League Team

Former MLB all-star José Canseco, now the manager of an Arizona minor-league team, uses his Twitter account for a lot of things: proposing (repeatedly) to his girlfriend, complaining about his girlfriend, looking for new girlfriends.But on Thursday evening, right after he requested to trade an autographed bat for “2 or…

Four Things Cheaper Than Parking Your Truck in Coral Gables

Some communities debate over police levels, school funding and the mayor’s race — you know, real issues.Coral Gables burdens itself with pickup trucks.Starting August 8, the city will once again enforce a ban on parking a pickup truck on the street or in a driveway between 7 p.m. and 7…

The Wonderful Dallas Fans: Highlights from the Comments Section

It was an innocent post: Mavericks guard DeShawn Stevenson got arrested when he was found drunk in an apartment complex. If he hadn’t called the Heat “classless” earlier this week, there probably wouldn’t have been a write-up. The finals are long over, but it was a chance to poke back…

Classless DeShawn Stevenson Arrested For Being Drunk and Lost

Dallas Maverick and all-around shitty person DeShawn Stevenson done got himself arrested. What a pity.Stevenson, who called the Miami Heat “classless” after game 6 and then showed up in Dallas the next day wearing a T-shirt that said “Hey LeBron! How’s my Dirk taste,” was arrested last night after he…

South Florida Has A Winning Team: Men’s Beach Soccer

We get it already — the Heat lost. It was sad. But another team has been defending Miami’s honor, and these guys actually won a championship — Florida Beach Soccer FC, a five-man team of footballers with professional credentials who are now the North American Sand Soccer champions.It’s more serious…

Many Think Miami Is Nice Place for Free Wedding (updated)

About 9,000 people from across the country entered the “Marry Me in Miami” contest for a wedding at the Biltmore Hotel in Coral Gables worth $150,000, according to organizers at the Greater Miami Convention & Visitors Bureau.Five couples were randomly chosen from as far away as Chicago to compete June…

Miami Importer of Chinese Drywall Hit With $55 Million Ruling

Banner Supply Company was ordered Tuesday to pay hundreds of Florida homeowners $55 million dollars for selling them Chinese drywall that emitted sulfurous gases, according to Reuters. The gas smells horrible and is believed to have damaged wiring and appliances and caused illnesses in the homes where it was installed.The…

Suggested Curriculum for Miami’s 2012 Porn Summit

​Pornographers of Miami: Order more business cards.The XBIZ Summit — partially sponsored this year by the “PussyCash Affiliate Network” — is an annual three-day networking event for “online adult business professionals,” and it’s headed for the city next summer, according to adult industry news site XBIZ.com…

Miss Florida Given 40-1 Odds Against Winning Miss USA Tournament

In a commanding step forward for the objectification of women, odds makers have put Miss Florida USA Lissette Garcia at 40-1 to win the Miss USA Pageant this Sunday. Miss California is the favorite at 3-1, and Garcia currently sits tied for 24th in the rankings.It’s hard to believe Garcia didn’t…

The Murderous Miami Heat Drinking Game

Note: This log, apparently describing an NBA Finals-themed drinking game played by a group of Miami Heat fans, was discovered late Sunday night. The fate of the heartbroken revelers is not known.FIRST QUARTER12:00 — All right, time for tip-off! Super excited to have all this booze. Keeping my laptop handy to…

Uncle Luke Endorses Julio Robaina for Miami-Dade Mayor UPDATED

Former Miami-Dade mayoral candidate Luther Campbell has endorsed Julio Robaina for the June 28 runoff election.Robaina’s campaign called a press conference in Liberty City for 12:30 today. After arriving an hour and a half late, Campbell said he had spoken with both Robaina and opponent Carlos Gimenez and chose to…

CNN to Air Story on Suicide of Former George Rekers Therapy Patient

Anderson Cooper will examine a “shocking ‘experimental therapy’ designed to make feminine boys more masculine” on his show at 10 p.m. Tuesday. The story centers around 38-year-old Kirk Murphy, who killed himself in 2003.His family blames therapy Murphy went through as a young child at the hands of North Miami’s…

Lakers’ Ron Artest Picks Heat to Win In 4 or 5 or 6 or Not At All

Ron Artest, the NBA’s favorite halftime-boozing, riot-inducing maniac, has gotten quite interested in this year’s NBA Finals — unencumbered by playoff obligations of his own, he’s been making predictions for a week despite not knowing what day the games are on or what city they’re being played in.Stunning statistical analysis aside,…