Your new year’s resolutions: 1) Read more. 2) Educate yourself about this upcoming presidential election and keep another power-mad, oil-hungry idiot out of the White House. You can add check marks beside both after attending today’s opening reception at the Miami-Dade Library Auditorium. From 6:30 to 8 p.m., you can…

The casting call explains it all. For the local appearance of the infamous Gazillionaire Late Nite Lounge at Spiegelworld, they’re looking for a truly crazy cast o’ characters. This includes, but isn’t limited to, dancers, martial artists, hard-core aerialists (none of that Cirque du Crap, please), pinheads, Lilliputians, pre- or…

Shirley McLaine knows they’re out there. So does Dennis Kucinich. People like to mock those who admit they believe in aliens, but we beg to differ. Doesn’t it seem a bit arrogant to think we’re the most intelligent life in the galaxy? C’mon! There are folks still driving around Miami…

When Amy Winehouse’s Back to Black hit the scene, she was instantly drenched in accolades. People acted like the skeletal chanteuse was the new savior of soul, here to rescue the music scene from disposable sound. Cut to less than a year later, and Winehouse is pissing all that talent…

Mama taught us well. When she asked for an N.C.O.T, we were meant to rush off to the kitchen, boil water, and steep the teabags for exactly four minutes, thereby making a Nice Cup Of Tea. Now that we’re old enough to appreciate the leafy brew in all of its…

After their communal performance venue got shut down, it seemed the Cornerstoners, local hip-hoppers/Latin rockers with talent and energy to burn, would go the way of many a Miami band — that is, split up and fade into oblivion, leaving fans to reminisce about them over blunts and beers. No…

Perhaps you’ve cruised down Coral Way and noticed the towering new night spot that stands so incongruously apart from the other buildings on the tree-lined street. How could you not? What with the old-school Cuban-style policía vehicles parked out front, and the giant glowing sign, La Bodeguita del Medio seems…

The holidays are just about ovah, and you’ve had it up to here with family time (no offense, moms and dads). But seriously, if you hear one more Christmas carol or light one more Hanukkah candle, you might have to let this mofo burn to the ground. We hear you…

The holidays are a great time for pomp and circumstance. We deck our halls with light displays, ginormous Christmas trees, and oversize inflatable figures, and just because those aren’t enough, crowds head out to the neighborhoods that are most ornately and ostentatiously decorated to ooh and aah at others’ spectacles…

We’re big believers in the adage “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” So who gives a crap if practically every sports team in Miami or Florida pissed itself in shame this season? Just because we’re at the bottom of the championship possibility pile doesn’t mean we can’t party like…

In 1984 the ad wizards at the Gillette razor company offered Billy Gibbons and Dusty Hill, lead vocalists of legendary blues rock band ZZ Top, $1 million each to shave off their famously thick, long, awesome beards. The men Wisely turned down the offer. “We’re too ugly without ’em,” they…

A year ago, nada yoga guru Bhagavan Das came to The Standard and sat with us for an unforgettable interview. He reminisced about his transformation from Mike Riggs, laid-back California dude and self-described “freakazoid, weirdo, nerd-geek,” into Bhagavan Das, world-renowned rock and roll yogi with fabulously long dreadlocks and beard,…

The James L. Knight Center is classy, but old hat. The Carnival Center’s cool and all, but whatevs. You’ve already checked out the revamped Fillmore at the Jackie Gleason, jaded culture vulture that you are. Now you’re looking for the next new big thing to hit town, so you can…

You probably recognize young Keke Palmer from her starring role in the critically acclaimed movie Akeelah and the Bee. The young actress held her own with heavyweights Angela Bassett and Laurence Fishburne, and made audiences of any color identify with the plight of this little girl from Crenshaw who becomes…

After the presents have been ripped open, the stockings emptied, and the last exclamations of thanks to Jesus and/or Santa for your annual bounty of material blessings have been given, a realization slowly dawns upon you. “Damn,” you think. “I am hungry!” Even if you don’t celebrate Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa,…

It takes a particular kind of stamina to be a singer/songwriter in Miami. Enduring the shifting winds of public favor, steadfastly staying put when it’s suggested you might want to add a DJ with some turntables to the lineup, steering clear of pre-programmed beats and trendy new sounds — none…

Way back in the days of silent film, being a good mime was a ticket to stardom. Buster Keaton, Harold Lloyd, and the Little Tramp himself, Charlie Chaplin, all used their bodies and facial expressions to act out their stories. With the advent of talkies, the art of mime faded…

Maybe yesterday was all about screaming kiddies, annoying relatives who overstayed their Christmas dinner receptions, and mountains of torn-up wrapping paper. Maybe it wasn’t, but the whole materialistic aspect of the season is getting to you. Either way, one thing’s certain — you could really use a stiff drink about…

Even though Andy Warhol shuffled off this mortal coil in 1987, his indomitable spirit just couldn’t not be present at this year’s Art Basel. Our annual Olympics of art, the Super Bowl of sculpture, the over-the-top smorgasbord of paintings and pretty people, screams of Warholian excess. Let’s face it –…

December has descended, and dancers all know what that means – time to bust out the rouge and toe shoes for the inevitable performance of The Nutcracker. The holiday favorite is a time-honored ballet tradition, and for many youngsters, it’s an important first memory that often leads straight to ballet…

Anyone over the age of 25 should remember when Sesame Street was the children’s show to watch. Long before Telly Monster started bitching about every little thing, before everyone realized Mr. Snuffleupagus wasn’t just Big Bird’s imaginary friend, before that awful Elmo destroyed the edginess of the Children’s Television Workshop…

Christmas in the islands is way different from Yule in northern climes. Much like Miami, there’s no snow, and coconut trees get strung with lights and tinsel. In Trinidad, locals mix condensed milk and rum into a potent Bailey’s-esque beverage called ponche de crème, and pouring out of every boombox,…