How to Ask for a Rim Job If You’re a Whiny Homophobe

Sex, love, relationship advice from a professional dominatrix. Got questions? Drop an e-mail to askadomme@miaminewtimes.com, you naughty boys and girls. Read more about Mistress Lera at Notes From a Miami Dominatrix.Dear Mistress,I’ve been trying to promote the wonders of getting my salad tossed to my friend who is a little…

What to Do When Your Boyfriend’s Best Friend Hates You

Sex, love, relationship advice from a professional dominatrix. Got questions? Drop an email to askadomme@miaminewtimes.com, you naughty boys and girls. Read more about Mistress Lera at Notes From a Miami Dominatrix Recently, I found out that this woman, my boyfriend’s best friend, has been talking trash about me behind my…

Five Ways to Make Friends at a Fetish Party

No, it’s OK. They’re friends.Sunday Submission, the coolest fetish party at South Beach’s RokBar, is only a ten days away.  We know most of you are aching with anticipation, especially those who are just breaking into this wonderful, yet dark world of BDSM.  If you’re shy, but want to know…

Preserve the Perv

Masters and mistresses, get those gimps out of their dark, scary cages ’cause it’s time for the coolest fetish party on South Beach. This Sunday at 11 p.m., Rokbar will host Sunday Submission, its first kink night, to celebrate the 40th birthday of SoBe’s most eccentric bartender, Robert Frost, a…

Curious Bottom Seeking Directions to Subspace

[jump] Wow. This is deep. Now, before I get all philosophical and shit, allow me to define “subspace” for those who are not BDSM or new-age savvy. Subspace is a trance-like state of mind. This particular state can vary from moderate to very intense, and it’s usually experienced by weird…

Does God Get Bummed When Someone Digs BDSM?

[jump] Dear Christ Lover, As a sadistic cunt, I am glad you are feeling guilty about your desires. Guilt is one of the primal forms of masochism, and as a devout Catholic you should know this. There is nothing wrong with practicing BDSM and being a total religious freak at…

Help! My Boyfriend Wants Me to Beat His Ass in Bed!

[jump] Dear Boyfriend Beater, Define normal for me. What’s normal to you may seem totally bizarre to others. Take me for example, pissing on a guy’s face — normal. Kicking somebody in the nuts until they turn black — normal. Shoving a pencil-sized metal rod in a man’s urethra and…

Shameless Burlesque’s Elvis Tribute: A Review

Living in South Beach — the world capitol of bad techno music — it was a pleasant change to head over the causeway to the Vagabond for a night of ’50s nostalgia.  At Saturday’s Shameless Burlesque’s Elvis Tribute, twenty-something hipsters jived on the dancefloor to Fats Domino and hugged their…

Elvis Presley and Shameless Burlesque Break Out the Blue Suede Pasties

Put on your pasties and step right up for a never-before-seen performance where vintage, vaudeville burlesque meets the King of Rock and Roll. Tomorrow night, just five days after the 33rd anniversary of Elvis Presley’s death, local striptease troupe Shameless Burlesque and Presley imitator Randy “Elvis” Walker will pay horny…

South Beachers Just as Tacky as Jersey Shore?

Trying to escape the brutal northern winter, the gorilla juiceheads and the orange trolls with poufs and fake tits decided to pack their hair gels and Ed Hardy shirts, and take a trip down south. Last year, they spent their summer getting trashed in Joisey. “We’re in Miami bitch,” hollered…

To the Haters: Shut Up Bitches and Lick My Boots

[jump] On her site, Ikard scolds me, claiming that I give out unsafe advice, and going further: “Not every Dominatrix receives their skills and education in the same way, but a Domme without some form of proper mentoring is like a firearm in the hands of an untrained gun user…

Blue Suede Pasties

Put on your pasties and step right up for a never-before-seen performance where vintage, vaudeville burlesque meets the King of Rock and Roll. This Saturday at 10 p.m., just five days after the 33rd anniversary of Elvis Presley’s death, local striptease troupe Shameless Burlesque and Presley imitator Randy “Elvis” Walker…

How to Enjoy Extreme Smothering Without Fatally Suffocating Your Boyfriend

[jump] Dear Sucker, I am glad you finally found someone you think is game, but I think you’re a little bit confused about the difference between “face-sitting” and “smothering.” While the two terms are often used interchangeably, strictly speaking, face-sitting is when a person squats above your face and demands…

Dog Lover Tops Her Man Like a Dirty Mutt

[jump] Dear Dog Lover, You seem like the top in your relationship. If you weren’t, you’d probably be cleaning a litter box instead of writing me this letter. So, do what tops do best and tell your boyfriend that it’s your way or the highway. I am totally on your…

Sex Toy Tips for the Novice Masturbator

Sex, love, relationship advice from a professional dominatrix. Got questions, drop an e-mail to askadomme@miaminewtimes.com, you naughty boys and girls. Read more about Mistress Lera at Notes From a Miami Dominatrix. I’ve been in a committed long-term relationship with a guy who’s like a corpse in the sack. He’s absolutely…

Am I Gay ‘Cause My Girlfriend Touched My Butt?

Sex, love, relationship advice from a professional dominatrix. Got questions, drop an e-mail to askadomme@miaminewtimes.com, you naughty boys and girls. Read more about Mistress Lera at Notes From a Miami Dominatrix. My girlfriend was giving me a blow job the other day and she stuck her finger up my butt. It sent…

Ask A Domme: Teenage Son Prefers Stilettos to Sneakers

Sex, love, relationship advice from a professional dominatrix. If you have any questions, drop an e-mail to askadomme@miaminewtimes.com, you naughty boys and girls. Read more about Mistress Lera at Notes From a Miami Dominatrix.Dear Mistress,I want to politely ask for your advice. I found out about a dark, secret obsession…