Singles bars have lost their luster. The nine-to-fivers just want to drone on about (A) their crummy bosses, (B) their crummy exes, or (C) how much better off they are without their crummy exes. Trying to have fun in those places is so exhausting it makes you wonder, When did…
Four years ago, if you were scoring something from a meeting with Miami’s mixtape superstar Rick Ross, it wasn’t an exclusive interview. But since then, he’s jumped from rollin’ in a rickety, smoke-filled Toyota Tercel to a BMW with oversize wheels – or even a polished-up boat. This rise to…
Have you ever told a dirty joke so well it eventually wound up owning you? It began innocently enough — a light-hearted anecdote whose punch line you could scarcely make it to without laughing. What it morphed into was a narrative monster out of your control, one you were asked…
BBQ’s fridge is empty. He’s at home in Montreal, hacking up smoke from a night of partying while mixing a batch of Kraft macaroni and cheese with all butter — he’s outta milk. He’s also trying to prioritize an alarmingly lengthy to-do list before leaving tomorrow on a 39-gig tour…
Ladies, let’s chat about a scenario that’s happened to all of us. It starts like this: You and your boyfriend break up because he lives on some dude’s couch and can’t hold a job — you grew weary of picking up both the check and his dirty laundry. A week…
Certain events kick off the holiday season: the tree-lighting in Rockefeller Center, clearance sales on strappy sandals at your favorite secret shoe spot, and the Radio City Christmas Spectacular Starring the Rockettes. Sure, as a girl you wanted to be a Rockette. Now as an adult you’re still tempted to…
There are certain things that can be said aloud only if you’re Sarah Silverman. This fact has been proven repeatedly since her one-woman show/musical, Jesus Is Magic, hit the video store shelves; her appearance on The Aristocrats became urban party legend; and her new series, The Sarah Silverman Program, accrued…
Seriously, kids, the Dolphins aren’t giving you much to cheer about this season, so this is a call to arms for sports fans: Redirect your efforts to hockey. Our Florida Panthers are lookin’ good, and their shortcomings (the boys have been a bit slow in the early periods) will be…
If you thought the only rule in cage fighting is “There are no rules,” sadly you are incorrect. Or so says Crawford Grimsley, promoter of Let the Rage Begin: A Mixed Martial Arts Battle of Apocalyptic Proportions. “There’s no eye-gouging,” says Grimsley, “no kicks to the groin, and no head-stomping”…
Singing — nay, shouting — along is a co-requisite to properly enjoying any Mötley Crüe concert. That’s partially because “Girls Girls Girls” sounds better when screamed by a stadium of Rag Magazine-reading fans, and also because Vince Neil is too wasted to remember the lyrics, so somebody’s gotta pick up…
It’s the cutting edge of a rather troubled quest to engineer the perfect shark repellent. If pretty 19-year-old Ashley Silverman had known about Patrick Rice’s invention, a bull shark might not have chewed her forearm near Islamorada last week. Not only that — she could have improved her tan. Rice,…
The last time you went out to the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino, you found that your only company on the drive home were the cartoon moths flying out of your pants’ empty, out-turned pockets. Expensive drinks (and women who want them) can drain your bank account quicker than an…
“Healthy” is a relative term when you’re on tour, and the four food groups carry a different meaning. In fact they can be re-categorized as: vegetable-flavor, barbecue, chocolate-covered, and MSG. “Yeah, we try to eat healthy — mostly candy bars and bread from gas stations. Our roadie buys these fuckin’…
When you drive through downtown Miami and see a giant tent erected along the causeway’s bank, you think one of two things: Cirque du Soleil, or mass-termite genocide. Those custom-built big tops have become synonymous with Soleil. They usually double as playground and dormitory for the traveling cadre of high-brow…
The mall is as silent as the deserted one in Dawn of the Dead, and the boutique strip in South Beach resembles a Wild West ghost town. Where are all the shoppers? Poised devilishly over their piggy banks with hammer in hand, because tonight Gen Art and Perrier present Shop…
He’s sitting on a mod red couch in the hotel’s lobby, wearing a Phat Farm T-shirt and texting himself reminders on his Treo. Def Jam Records founder and rap megaimpresario Russell Simmons blends in seamlessly with the 305-chic atmosphere of The Standard, South Beach, where the minibars come stocked with…
What do you get when you cross sweaty, chiseled beefcakes with scantily clad ladies lookin’ for a fight? No, not South Beach at last call; you get Miami Fight Night! Tonight American Airlines Arena and Big Star Productions are throwing the throwdown of the summer. Colombia’s Oscar León and the…
