Miami resident Matt Damon has come a long way since being portrayed by the South Park dudes as the semi-retarded fellow who could only stammer out his own name. Now we’re not even surprised when he busts out the phrase “intrinsically paternalistic” whilst demolishing an insipid television reporter and her…
The “#1 Stunna” has chosen a new enemy. Three years ago, ex-con Steven Thiele was successfully sued by the Miccosukee Tribe of Indians after he bought the domain names miccosukeetribeofindians.com, miccosukeetribeofindiansofflorida.com, and billycypress.com, and tried to sell them to the tribe for a million dollars. Yesterday afternoon, Thiele emailed us…
Remember last week, when a latex mask of accused murderer Casey Anthony garnered a top bid of $999,900 on eBay? Yeah, that didn’t make any sense. Today, it does: The purported buyer just wanted to scold the seller in eBay’s feedback section…
Attention, modern criminals and/or wayward offspring of public officials: We know that you, like all of us, are pressed for time. And sometimes it’s so much easier to send a text than to meet on a misty loading dock under the cover of night. But we still advise you against…
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series…
Sunny Isles Beach gangster Jason Eibinder brags on Facebook
Notorious Miami football recruiter Antron Wright has a new diploma mill
Matthew Bellamy is definitely getting the full, abusive spin cycle of Z-list fame. The Lakeland native, who moved to a Cleveland suburb as a kid, first achieved notoriety when he was booed and escorted out of the Cleveland Indians’ Progressive Field for wearing a LeBron James jersey three weeks after…
After a New Times story exposed a local diploma mill that was peddling high school degrees for $399, Broward College has banned “graduates” from InterAmerican Christian Academy. But Miami Dade College, the most prominent public academy in the state, won’t do the same…
Whatever happened to the stoic Eastern European mobster? You know, the Viggo Mortensen type who communicates via grunts, cryptic tattoos, and the bludgeoning end of a fire extinguisher? Meet 22-year-old Sunny Isles Beach luminary Jason Eibinder, arrested in January for his role in a massive Romania-based Internet fraud scheme. Last…
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve heard that Amy Winehouse died the debt ceiling is still a thing porn star Raul Armenteros, known as Ramon in his Bang Bus videos, was arrested for leaving 21 animals — eight roosters, four guinea hens, four pigeons, four goats, and a…
A warning to taxpayers: Never read Florida statute before bed. You may wake up in a cold sweat. Last month, New Times published a lengthy exposé on the McKay Scholarship program, a nine-figure state fund that is supposed to help disabled kids get specialized schooling but has been hijacked by…
We told you we’d get to the bottom of this. Behold the saga of The Abuelita, The Drainage Ditch, and the Internet. Whenever the elderly dama looks out her window or takes a step outside, she sees it, taunting her, impeding her path, attracting insects, basically just being a giant…
We have been to the mountaintop and returned with this: the most Miami-tastic news story ever. Bang Bus porn star “Ramon” — famous for his giant penis — was arrested last week for keeping a menagerie of suffering farm animals locked in a vehicle on a 90-degree day…
I’m no country rube. I own multiple vegetable peelers and know who Stan Getz is. I am Sophisticated Urban Man, and Sophisticated Urban Man only goes to see magicians– or mentalists or illusionists, their allegedly upscale cousins– to laugh ironically at the performer.So over the weekend, I went with three…
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…
In journalism, three is a trend, so we’re declaring it here first: There is now an epidemic of Miami Heat child abuse going on at basketball camps around the country…
Our policy concerning claims involving government and bureaucracy is: If it’s egregious, silly, and inept, it’s probably true. So we’re inclined to believe the story that’s exploded on user-generated site Reddit. According to MRoudet– or “Mr. Roudet”– his grandmother, the nice old lady pictured to the right there (click to…
From the unsubstantiated-hearsay-but-come-on-obviously-it’s-true category comes news of what could potentially be the best marriage since Michael Jackson and Elvis’ daughter: Publicly shamed, fired, and exiled unhinged news anchor Rick Sanchez, meet anything-goes Spanish-language channel Mega TV. We know we gave Rick the dubious award of “Best Departure” when he left…
Florida’s bestiality ban won’t ruin our good time
In October, a new law will make Florida the 31st state to outlaw bestiality. Yep, we will be tragically separated from the furry and hoofed objects of our lust, for no reason other than a pesky species divide. It’s like a modern day Romeo and Juliet tale, if Shakespeare had…
Last week, New Times published “Rotten to the Core”, a cover story exposing the Florida Department of Education’s failure to properly oversee schools receiving money from the McKay Scholarship, a state voucher program paying private school tuition for disabled students. The consequences, as I reported: corporal punishment in schools, dangerous…
