Adam Mansbach’s children’s-book-not-for-children Go the Fuck to Sleep reads like The Very Hungry Caterpillar according to Lenny Bruce. A taste: “The owls fly forth from the treetops. Through the air, they soar and they sweep. A hot crimson rage fills my heart, love. For real, shut the fuck up and…
Russian billionaires battle for Fisher Island
Adam Mansbach’s children’s-book-not-for-children Go the Fuck to Sleep reads like The Very Hungry Caterpillar according to Lenny Bruce. A taste: “The owls fly forth from the treetops. Through the air, they soar and they sweep. A hot crimson rage fills my heart, love. For real, shut the fuck up and…
The end of the year is a time of reflection around these parts. Specifically, it’s a time to dig through our old police reports and find the most cretinous criminal offender in 2011. Our first nominee, 20-year-old Samuel Lee Walker, is a top front-runner. He’s a budding career criminal who…
Miami Commissioner Michelle Spence-Jones beat bribery and grand theft charges, and returned to office. Now we’ll see if she proves as invincible in civil court. Two former witnesses in the criminal case, who claimed that she used forgery to divert a $25,000 grant that was supposed to go to their…
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…
Does Jeffrey Loria lie awake at night, in his Britto-decorated pajamas, trying to think of new ways to be disgusting? Tomorrow night–11/11/11!– the owner of the mediocre baseball collective soon-to-be-formerly known as the Florida Marlins will throw his crowning gala at the new stadium. To commemorate the team’s rebranding as…
Paul Bennett 1983 Nissan Maxima tricked out
A group of Miami-Dade Schools public teachers at a recent FCAT workshop were given a sample test that will not restore your faith that the finest minds are running our school district. The teachers were asked to arrange synonyms for varying extremes of “fatness” from “most formal” to “most informal”…
Paul Bennett spent $3,000 on his 1983 Nissan Maxima. The Miami International Airport mechanic guesses he’s sunk another $15,000 in DIY renovations, turning the vehicle, which has 200,000-plus miles, into a creation straight out of Mad Max. First, so he could safely leave his dogs in the car, Bennett bought…
Allen Henshaw is pretty recognizable, what with the permanent war paint, the word “Indian” tattooed across his chin, and– most notably– “Fuck You” lovingly penned on his neck.So it only makes sense when he’s evading police after doing drunken push-ups in front of a corner store, that our hero would…
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…
A graffiti artist’s effigy of a banker hanging alongside Miami’s I-95 has struck a global chord. Since we first reported on the suit-and-tie (and head-covering sack) wearing mannequin that guerrilla artist Above hung to complement his Occupy Miami-themed 255-foot-long mural reading “Give a Wall Street banker enough rope and he…
Shaq has fired back at the computer hack who exposed him as a clumsy mack. The insane battle between Shaquille O’Neal and his ex-con IT guy– who sued his former boss and leaked scandalous emails of the retired basketball behemoth being an extra-marital lothario– got more complicated Thursday.Shaq filed his…
Graffiti artist Above hangs anti-Wall Street art along I-95
Scott Raab’s anti-LeBron James book draws a load of hate mail
What with all of his insane lawsuits against the Clintons, Facebook, Rachel Maddow, President Obama, and his own mother, conservative Florida activist and lawyer Larry Klayman is pretty damn busy. Too busy to defend his real clients, apparently. The Florida Bar has issued a public reprimand of Klayman for taking…
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will…
Pre-Paid Auto Club offers speeding insurance
And they say Miami Heat fans are apathetic. Pshaw! OK, so they might not go to games, even if it’s pretty easy to get good tickets for $30 with a free pizza and Coke. But when some high-falutin’ author calls them “cretins,” they will email said author to wish that…
But no, it is not real. For the past week, graffiti artist Above has been working on a giant, attention-grabbing mural in Wynwood next to the I-95 northbound lanes as part of Primary Flight. It reads in block letters: “Give a Wall Street banker enough rope and he will hang…
Apparently Shaq Fu — despite a personal life that reads like bad urban fiction — hasn’t given up on his dream of being a top cop somewhere in America. Over the weekend, the New York Times published a fluffy “thirty second” interview with Shaquille O’Neal, in which he said: “I’m…
