Happy Earth Day…China

Finally, someone in Miami is building a solar-powered, thoroughly green house. Dubbed “future house,” the pre-fab building will have geothermal heating and cooling, energy efficient lighting and appliances and a recycled roof. Photovoltaic panels will supply the bulk of its electricity needs. So, what enlightened South Floridian had the foresight…

The Bike Blog Says: Don’t Take No Smack

Hazards of the road the Bike Blog has known. Vicious country dogs, dudes hurling beer cans out of pickups, girls (of every race, color, and class, interestingly) hissing at me to get the fuck on the sidewalk; invisible pot-holes, shoulderless bridges, noxious bus fumes, wrong turns into drug deals-in-progress. I’ve…

Pitbull Gets Punk’d

Psychologically torturing people for the purposes of public amusement is generally frowned upon in Western civilization. But it sure is funny. Especially when you add Pitbull, poultry and a hysterical 11-year old into the mix. With any luck; EL PAVO ES MIO will become part of the modern Miami patois.–Calvin…

That’s a Rap? Jim Berry Gets Gangsta

The Marlins beat Philadelphia 8-5 last Saturday and the crowd was plenty euphoric. But around the seventh inning, when the CBS 4 promo for Jim Berry’s Sports Wrap came on the jumbotron, it got downright giddy. We know it’s on television as well, but in case you haven’t seen the…

Meet the Hogans

What’re you lookin’ at? I don’t know what gave it away. Maybe it was the platinum blonde locks. Maybe it was the faux tans. But there they were. Miami’s new first family: the Hogans. They sat at a table in the front dining area of Smith & Wollensky on South…

Anorexia: The Next Frontier for Satire!

Southbeach-usa.com is graced with slick aqua-colored accents, lots of sexy people in crisp white outfits, and helpful tourist information on hotels, restaurants, and clubs. It all looks pretty good — until you scroll down to the article titled “The Anorexic’s Guide to South Beach.” The article, written by Casey Gillespie,…

The New Off-Limits Urban Oasis

Architecture and urban planning types came to Miami this week for the Rejuvenation of American Cities on the Water Conference, a three-day lecture and tour event billed as a chance to “experience Miami’s extraordinary urban landscape.” They unknowingly stumbled into a potential urban planning tragedy…

Marta Perez Demands an Explanation

Miami-Dade School Board member Marta Perez is suing Rudy Crew for rejecting four of her proposed items from the agenda of a December 2006 school board meeting. In case you were curious about what merits such a costly legal battle (Crews’ Tallahassee attorney makes $320 and hour, and the lawsuit…

Go Ahead, Miami, Ride Your Bikes

When I moved into my first apartment in Miami three months ago, one of the first things I asked my landlord was whether it was even possible to ride my bike to work, from the Orange Bowl to the New Times building on 28th and Biscayne. He stared a minute…

Christine Federighi Lights Up the Lowe

Federighi’s Wrapped and Protected Christine Federighi taught me at the University of Miami, back when I was a wayward ceramics sculpture minor. And I sucked at the wheel; I lacked the patience, the wrist strength, the sheer talent that she so effortlessly displayed. Watching Federighi craft a simple bowl from…

Weekend Biking

Yikes! Critical Mass Miami meets Saturday for a ride down Calle Ocho. Meet at Government Center at 10:00, and dress as a rooster or a chicken, if you can, for a chance to ride with Mr. Clucky himself! On Sunday, the Everglades Bike Club meets at 7:30 a.m. (woof) at…

Miami Home Foreclosures in a Death Spiral

We’re not real estate geniuses here at New Times. Hell, most of us don’t even own our own homes. But it doesn’t take Donald Trump to realize that the real estate market here in Miami is tanking fast and hard. According to propertyshark.com, a real estate data site, there were…

Lily Tomlin Packs Laughs at the Carnival Center

Lily Tomlin opened her set at the Carnival Center last night with a riff on Miami’s notoriously confusing street grid. Brandishing a map, she said, “I’m not saying Miami’s street system is complicated, but it is true that after visiting Miami the creator of Rand-McNally committed suicide,” she said. She…

Is “Healthy” Food Healthier than “Fast”? Not Always

That’s a wrap! But how healthy is it? A few months back I was drawn in by the slick smoothie and sandwich-wrap marketing madness, and ditched my daily burger with fries and a Coke for a supposedly healthier alternative. I started frequenting places like Tropical Smoothie Cafe, Planet Smoothie and…

Is “Healthy” Food Healthier than “Fast”? Not Always

That’s a wrap! But how healthy is it? A few months back I was drawn in by the slick smoothie and sandwich-wrap marketing madness, and ditched my daily burger with fries and a Coke for a supposedly healthier alternative. I started frequenting places like Tropical Smoothie Cafe, Planet Smoothie and…

Let’s All Go to the Movies (By the Bay)

Come on, people! We had our pick of seats, and actually changed our minds and relocated two or three times before the movie started. As the trailer for Ratatouille began, my five-year-old daughter asked me, “Daddy, when are all the people going to come to sit in those seats?” The…

The Heat Take the Division

Miami Heat: Southeast division champs. And yesterday, you said this, Miami Sports Dude: Shaq: Attending his grandfather’s funeral. Udonis Haslem: DNP due to injury. Dwyane Wade: Still rusty. Gary Payton: Torn left calf muscle. James Posey: Shitfaced. Take that. By the way, thank you Mr. Arenas. We couldn’t have done…

A Spongy Web of Culinary Lies

Repeat after me: oeufs, not flottante As a lifelong Luddite, when it comes to food research I prefer referencing my own collection of cookbooks to surfing the Web. This email I received (OK, I admit it, I do use a computer, too), and my response, only reinforces my distrust of…

A Spongy Web of Culinary Lies

Repeat after me: oeufs, not flottante As a lifelong Luddite, when it comes to food research I prefer referencing my own collection of cookbooks to surfing the Web. This email I received (OK, I admit it, I do use a computer, too), and my response, only reinforces my distrust of…

What a Character

Late last month the sister blogs of celebrity snark, Gawker and Defamer, posted guerrilla outtakes from the set of I Heart Huckabees, the 2004 film, in which Tomlin clashes with director David O. Russell. “Leave me the fuck alone!” she shouts. “Do you know what the fuck is going on,…

W (No, Not That One) Celebrates Two Years

Thunderstorms may have rocked much of Miami-Dade County last night, but the wet weather wasn’t enough to keep the winos from joining French-native Florent Blanchet in celebrating the two year anniversary of his W Wine Bistro . “Any excuse for a party,” grinned Blanchet between monster-size gulps of bubbles –…

W (No, Not That One) Celebrates Two Years

Thunderstorms may have rocked much of Miami-Dade County last night, but the wet weather wasn’t enough to keep the winos from joining French-native Florent Blanchet in celebrating the two year anniversary of his W Wine Bistro . “Any excuse for a party,” grinned Blanchet between monster-size gulps of bubbles –…