Ten Hot Firecrotches in Honor of Prince Harry's 27th Birthday

Princess Di and Charles? Pssh. Apollo must have screwed a lady-dragon in a volcano filled with overcooked Hot Pockets, because there's no other explanation as to why Prince Harry is so sizzling. We mean, just look at him! Ginger hotness can not be contained. And if Tabasco's website is correct and peppers do get spicier with age, then we need to bottle Prince Harry today, on his 27th birthday, for the sake of mankind because a few more years of this and he'll burn us all alive with his pure, unadulterated ginger heat.

And Prince Harry isn't alone. There's tons of other notable and natural firecrotches setting all kinds of bushes on fire. Or fiery enough to make us laugh. Or hot enough to call a mess. Whatever the reason, here's 10 hot redheads. And be forewarned -- do not proceed to the next page without a pair of sunglasses, oven mitts, fire extinguisher, burn gel, or, in some of these gingers' cases, a good old-fashioned tranquillizer gun.

10. Cynthia Nixon and her partner, Christine Marinoni

Why are we clumping these two lovely ladies together? Well, because apart they're just cherries but together, they're an atom bomb. Just look at the sparks flying off of them -- their combined sizzle-factor alone can blow up an entire Barney's department store. Or a Home Depot. Plus, one of these redheads can help you pick out a fabulous new pair of shoes while the other can built you a shoe rack.

Perfect combo.

9. Lindsay Lohan

If we're going to talk about a hot mess of a ginger, here's the poster girl. We don't want to say too much about this highly flammable hot head out of fear of being sued (we feel for you, Pitbull) but we'll just stop by saying she's on our list because due to her spice-factor, we  unfortunately know that the carpet matches the drapes.

8. Danny Bonaduce

If Lindsay is the Ginger Queen of Hot-Headed Hot-Messes, then Bonaduce is the King. High-speed chases and punching trannies in the face is no joke. Plus, who can ever forget him chugging an entire bottle of vodka out on a street curb in Breaking Bonaduce and then riding away, like a true bad ass, on a scooter. Why didn't Batman drive a scooter?

7. Jessica Rabbit

Because we couldn't include Christina Hendricks (who's actually a natural blonde), we had to go with her animated-equivalent. And sure, Mrs. Rabbit may be a cartoon but introduce us to one, real, 3-dimensional living, breathing human man who didn't get all hot and bothered when Jessica sauntered on screen in Who Framed Roger Rabbit and we'll show you a drug Lindsay won't take (don't sue us!)

6. Conan O'Brien

If fake redhead, Emma Stone's (a natural blonde as well) character in Crazy, Stupid, Love taught us anything when she's introduced to us in the movie its that lots of ladies have a thing for the overgrown leprechaun that is Conan O'Brien. Why? Because he makes us laugh. Plus, nothing's more sensual than the string dance. NOTHING!

5. Marcia Cross (as Dr. Kimberly Shaw on Melrose Place):

Really, this picture speaks for itself

4. Geri Halliwell

The Spice Girls collectively as a group was a  big hot mess of platform boots, Union Jacks, and geel powa and Ginger Spice was their de facto leader. Plus this crazy named her child Bluebell Madonna. BLUEBELL MADONNA! Need more explanation as to why we put her on this list? Check out this outfit:

Point made!

3. Louie CK

Because nothing's hotter than a balding, half-Mexican (seriously) red headed comedian. We don't even have to rehash any of his jokes, that image alone is hilarious enough.

2. Ronald McDonald

Because nothing's hotter evilier than giving children wonderful eating habits at an impressionable age for the sake of capitalism. He's like an American hero.

1. Lucille Ball

Because no ginger list would be complete without the OG Ginger (and no, we're not talking about that hussy from Gilligan's Island either), Lucille Ball. Plus, there's all those searing rumors that she was a hooker before she got into acting, which, essentially, makes her even hotter.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.