At last count, the PostSecret web site had counted 466,771,333 visitors. Chances are, you're one of them. But the site has only received a measly half million postcard contributions! That means only .11 percent of PostSecret's trollers have had the burning desire to publicly share the shameful secrets of their souls. Or maybe it's just that 99.89% of people are just too boring to generate secrets horrible enough to slap on a postcard for the world to see.
In honor of PostSecret Live tomorrow at the University of Miami's Gusman Hall, here's our step-by-step guide to creating your own disgusting secret and displaying it handsomely on a homemade postcard. Even the lamest among us can enjoy the thrill of having our dirty laundry (real or imagined) aired out via the glorious interweb.
Step 1: Make a wheel that lists popular PostSecret topics.
used a piece of cardboard, a pen, a nail, and a dental pick, but don't
worry, you don't have to make yours as fancy as ours. An alternative
idea is to make one of those paper fortune tellers. If you don't like
our topics, browse the PostSecret website for other great ideas.
Ours
happened to land on "Think my own child is ugly." We don't have any
children, but that's okay. In fact, it's better, because it's a lot
easier to make up mean secrets about imaginary kids than it is real
ones.
Step 3: Browse the nearest magazine for images that might have something to do with your fake secret.
It's
very important that you don't think too much. Just hold the magazine in
your hands, flip the pages, and clip the pictures that speak to you.
That's right. Just flip and clip.
around. The first page we opened to featured a picture of marine life.
This inspired us to rifle through the rest of the mag in search of a
picture to complete our spurious skeleton in the closet. In seconds, we
found something we could use.
Step 4: Lay out your PostSecret postcard.
Paste
your pictures onto the back of an old greeting card or the like.
Arrange the images in a way that tells the fake story of your tortured
soul.
You
don't have to run to the art supplies store. A little nail polish
worked just fine for us. Oh, and make sure you black out the eyes of the
people in your postcard. Judging by the entries featured on the PostSecret site,
it is apparently impossible to determine the identity of a person who's
eyes are covered, even when distinguishing birthmarks, tattoos, noses,
and mouths are visible.
If possible, try to add a tinge of biting irony, like we did. (Get it, "biting?")
You know, feeding our son to the sharks would save us pain? Come on, that's so ironic and clever, just like all the PostSecrets on the real website!
So
there you have it --- everything you need to create and adorn your very
own filthy secret to share anonymously with the world. Just slap on the
address (13345 Copper Ridge Rd., Germantown, MD 20874) and a stamp and
send it off!
"But it's not real!" you may exclaim. So what? If you really have a problem with it, though, go out and do something awful and then make a postcard about it. Whatever you prefer.
Frank
Warren, PostSecret's founder, will present PostSecret Live Wednesday,
from 8:30 to 10:30 p.m. at the University of Miami's Gusman Hall. The
(now sold out) show is a multimedia presentation that showcases
postcards that were banned from the PostSecret books, reveals stories
behind some of the secrets, and allows brave guests to share their
secrets at the microphone. A signing for Warren's books, including his
#1 New York Times Bestseller, PostSecret: Confessions on Life, Death, and God, will take place after the show. Go to postsecret.com.
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