Sex & Gender

Is There Any Love in BDSM?

Don't know which hand to hold the whip in? Get sex, love, relationship advice from Mistress Lera by emailing askadomme@miaminewtimes.com. Read more about Mistress Lera at Notes From a Miami Dominatrix.

Dear Mistress Lera,

I really enjoy feeling pain and I often fantasize about being dominated by women. But I don't have the first clue about BDSM or where to start. I'm 18 years old, and I don't know anyone else that's into it.

I'm totally against self-harming, but I can't get enough if it's someone else doing it. I've tried talking to my girlfriend about it, but she thinks I'm a weirdo. She thinks the kind of person who would hurt me like that would never love me. Is it true that people into S&M are doomed never to love or be loved? We've been together a while now and I really love her and don't want to lose her, but I just feel like there's something missing in our relationship.

Yours,

Clueless Teen



Dear Clueless Teen,

Your girlfriend is a silly heifer. It is total and utter bullshit that those who are into BDSM never love and are never loved. Pain would not exist without love. Remember sacher-Masoch's Venus in Furs? The only reason Severin was willing to live with pain and suffering is because he loved Wanda. And in some twisted way, the mistress loved him as well.


My advice to you is to find someone else. Find a dominatrix who will love you in a sadistic way. A mistress who will accept you for who you are and not judge you for your kinks.

A dominatrix will put you on your knees and make you beg. She will humiliate you and make you feel worthless, but while kneeling there helpless, you will realize that your mistress truly loves and cares for you. Dommes love their submissives, believe me, they do. It may be a twisted love which may seem totally perplexing to the vanilla world, but that love really does exist. And your girlfriend doesn't know what the freak she's talking about.

Whatever is missing in a relationship with your girlfriend can easily be fulfilled with a domme, and if your girlfriend doesn't get it, dump her while you can because eventually your unfulfilled fantasies will ruin your relationship, and make you very miserable.

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Lera Gavin