Cat Lady Reasons Why Felines Are Better Than Men or Babies

A recent study, published in the Behavioural Processes journal, says that "cat-human relationships are nearly identical to human-only bonds," especially cat-women relationships. This means that you and your cat are linked not just by feeding times and poop clean-up, but by social relationships and non-verbal communication. Basically, you guys really get each other.  

These recent scientific revelations indicate that there's no need for babies or boyfriends, all you need is a cat. Besides the lack of sex, which you can get other ways, the bond you have with your furry feline trumps that of your need for a pre-verbal infant or non-verbal boyfriend. Talk all the crap you want about the cat ladies out there, but below are

five good reasons why your relationship with your four-legged, meowing

beast is superior to the other ones the world's trying to force on you.

1. Cats clean themselves, so unlike babies or men who need constant care and attention, your cat is fairly independent. Unlike children, you can leave your cat at home alone for a day or two while you make your way around town, and no one'll take it away from you.

2. Cat food is cheaper than human food. This is good one, because when your broke boyfriend makes you buy him dinner all the time, you can dump him and spend a fraction of the price and time feeding your feline. Unless he too can can get down with some fragrant Fancy Feast.

3. Big cats are more fun. If you feed your cat enough, and he's all huge, then you don't have to be scared about crushing him in your sleep when he's cuddled next to you, like you would a baby. And really, no matter how big he is, he's still smaller than a man, leaving more space to move around in your sleep. 

4. Meows aren't as loud as human crying or screaming. When babies cry, or you get into a huge, ugly fight with your boyfriend, you have to listen to loud things. When your cat meows, you pet him or feed him, take him to the vet, or ignore him, and you know what, it's all good. 

5. Cats are easy to read. Their needs are few, and they're cute. Babies grow up to be angry smelly teenagers who resent you. Boyfriends either dump you or become sad husbands with either too much or too little control over your life. Keep the cat.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Liz Tracy has written for publications such as the New York Times, the Atlantic, Refinery29, W, Glamour, and, of course, Miami New Times. She was New Times Broward-Palm Beach's music editor for three years. Now she plays one mean monster with her 2-year-old son and obsessively watches British mysteries.
Contact: Liz Tracy