Audio By Carbonatix
The sadists behind the latest stop of the Spartan Race tour, which lands in Oleta River State Park this Saturday, describe themselves as “seven insane ultra-athletes and a Royal Marine.” Figures. The race is rated a Super Spartan-level event, meaning there will be an “eight-plus-mile battlefield of insane mud running with 15-plus obstacles to test your physical strength and mental resolve.” How about you just shoot us in the knees and we’ll call it even?
The good news is that the Super Spartan level isn’t even in the top two most difficult categories for these fitness freaks. Those would be the Spartan Beast and the ultimate Spartan Death Race (which we hear is particularly lovely this time of year). More good news: If you somehow finish the race, you get a dunce cap. Not really. You actually get a catered meal set to live music, which we imagine is needed to block out screams when racers’ compound fractures are reset. If you not only finish but also are one of the three fastest males or females, you’ll win free entry to a future Death Race. And when the prize is more Death Race, we don’t even want to know what happens to Spartan Race losers.
Sat., April 23, 9 a.m., 2011
