Miley, Kick Me Tween the Eyes

If everyone in the world was socked with the wrong side of a memory stick and forgot their age, a Miley Cyrus song would be the perfect barometer to set everyone straight. If her country-fried screech doesn’t turn you into stone, you’re in the tween zone and unqualified to vote, drive, watch television after 9 p.m., and procreate. If her so-called music is pleasing to your ears, do not pass go, plan a sleepover, and hit ticketmaster.com for tickets to her upcoming stop at the American Airlines Arena. This multi-hyphenate teen has sung, danced, and acted her way into the hearts and pockets of America, so whether you’re one of her drooling fans or a Zeitgeist junkie, this is a show you shouldn’t miss. She’ll sing, she’ll dance, she’ll yell, “Helloo, Miamayyy,” and she might even simulate a striptease. Whatever she does, Miley will undoubtedly perform her current chart climber, “Party in the U.S.A.,” which we like only in the part where she mentions Jay-Z. Doors open at 7 p.m.

Wed., Dec. 2, 7 p.m., 2009