Audio By Carbonatix
When she’s not “cleaning toilets, mopping floors, and emptying the trash bins” at the Los Angeles County coroner’s office, Lindsay Lohan’s running around naked inside a Beverley Hills mansion.
TMZ has confirmed that LiLo is posing for Playboy, tastefully spreading her legs for an upcoming issue of the venerable gentleman’s magazine and reportedly pocketing around $1 million to show her bare, freckled frame. Much of that money, we assume, will be applied to her legal fees.
However for Lohan, a Playboy paycheck’s an upgrade. For several years now, the former child actress has gone about drunkenly exposing herself around the globe, regrettably allowing the opportunistic paparazzi to profit from her countless nip slips and crotch shots.
We’re thankful for you. Are you thankful for us?
We feel thankful for our staff and for the privilege of fulfilling our mission to be an unparalleled source of information and insight in Miami. We’re aiming to raise $30,000 by December 31, so we can continue covering what matters most to this community.
Help us continue giving back to Miami.
When you Google “Lindsay Lohan,” you find that sandwiched between pictures of the 25-year-old star allegedly snorting blow and L.A. County mugshots, a slew of wardrobe malfunction photos make up a good 27 percent of the search results.
But it’s those same naughty Google image searches that’ll detract horny dudes from running out to buy the Lindsay Lohan Playboy issue. We’ve already seen what Lohan hides–or doesn’t hide–under her designer clothes. The mystery and the mystique has been long forgotten.
Sadly, Lohan’s transformation from sexy Hollywood badgirl to depressingly public sympathy case is her current reality. Her life has become a personal train wreck, and a tabloid goldmine. Settling to pose nude for a dinosaur (Hugh Hefner) is incredibly sad, like starring in straight-to-DVD movie like Labor Pains after a string of relatively solid films.
While airbrushing may clear up some of Lohan’s blemishes, maybe even darken her skin tone a bit, even the best Photoshopper can’t hide the sadness of a once-promising actress’s eyes. And juggling a Playboy pictorial and court-ordered community service is downright depressing.
Get well soon, Lindsay.
Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.
