Jewish Girls Know How to Party

First kiss? Jewish girl. First cigarette? Jewish girl. First bong rip? Jewish girl. Seemingly every “bad” thing we did as a kid was in cahoots with a Jewish gal named Sarah we’d met in third grade. She was a real badass, the first girl in our school to develop boobs and rock a “Someday a Woman Will Be President” T-shirt. At 9 years old, Sarah was much smarter than we were, a progressive thinker, and the only kid in class with balls big enough to tell our teacher: “Go fuck yourself!” A few years later, at her bat mitzvah, Sarah stuck her tongue down our throat. She tasted like Virginia Slims and Manischewitz, a combination that drove us mad. But sadly, we lost touch after middle school. For years we searched the web for that sweet, kosher apple of our eye. We even joined JDate in an unsuccessful effort to reconnect. We had lost all hope until an e-flyer for an event at Newport Beachside Resort landed in our inbox last week, promoting a night of comedy, music, and burlesque: Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad, boasting lady comics we recognized from specials on HBO and Comedy Central, plus South Florida’s own Michelle Collins. Sarah, if you’re reading, we’ll meet you there.
Sun., Jan. 22, 8 p.m., 2012