James Franco and Eight Other Things to Do This Weekend

They say Miami is big event town. That it takes serious noise to get our lazy asses out of the house to show up at some gallery, or game, or premiere. We think that’s a bunch of hooey, but even if it isn’t, slouches should have no problem getting off their couches come this weekend. We got things to do in spades.

Beach soccer, our own booze fest, the biggest NBA playoff series in the country, and, of course, James Freaking Franco will be happening starting tonight. Take your pick, they’ll all be equally enthralling for some water cooler chat on Monday.

Friday

• James Franco at O, Miami: Oscar host, Pineapple Express pothead, and brooding beauty James Franco is coming to town to read some poetry. Yeah, that’s right, poetry. Tonight!  It’s not even fair. The guy already got ladies across the country by the nape of the neck, and now he’s going to whisper sweet nothings into their ears. We can only hope for a heckler to yell something about his return to soaps – oh wait, that’s cool also. Forget it. We give in to the wonder that is Franco.

• Get a double dose of premieres when the Diavolo Dance Theater opens at the debut of the South Miami-Dade Cultural Arts Center way down south in Cutler Bay. Hailed as the first legitimate cultural venue in the southern parts of the county to open in decades, if not forever, the center kicks off a busy slate of programming this year with the renowned Los Angeles dance troupe.
• Homegrown indie music heavyweights ANR will be heading off to Europe soon for their first trans-Atlantic tour, but before they go we get to see them one last time (for now) at the Vagabond.

• And in case you think Cultist caters too much to celebrity or high society crowds, we’ve we got a hook up for the modern day Dungeon and Dragon set. The Lanbash video game extravaganza at the College of Business in Kendall will bring together gamers from all over the county to test their dexterity. And yes, there will be music and girls.

Saturday

• Take the rare opportunity to go to a cemetery for something other than a funeral early Saturday when you join the Secrets of the Miami City Cemetery tour at 10 a.m. and learn all about the city’s dead.

• Beach Soccer Double: We’re not how this happened, but two beach soccer tournaments were scheduled for this weekend, less than a mile away from one another on South Beach. But so what, if you love soccer, or ogling Brazilian babes in string bikinis hightail it for the beach. The Beach Soccer Worldwide Tournament starts today and goes through Sunday in the stadium between 20th and 22nd Street, while the Footvolley tournament takes place at Lummus Park in between 7th and 9th Streets.

• Brew at the Zoo: Top off a busy Saturday with a visit to Zoo Miami to watch animals behave badly — and we ain’t talking about the gorillas. We’re talking about thousands of revelers who’ll be enjoying beer and music. And we have it on very good authority that a certain mayoral candidate that is as nasty as he wants to be will be showing up to shake some hands and kiss babies.

Sunday

• The Miami Gay and Lesbian Film Festival wraps up in style after the screening of Going Down in La La Land, when the audience goes over to the Hilton Bentley South Beach for an after party with chef Doug Rodriguez serving up mouthfuls of his signature Nuevo Latino cuisine.

• And, of course, we’d be remiss if we didn’t mention the epic battle between the Miami Heat and Boston Celtics as they start off their Best of 7 Eastern Conference Semi-Final Series at the American Airlines Arena at 3:30 p.m. Tickets will be hard to find, but just find some sports bar and use all your mojo to root against the bean towners.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.