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Gumby, the absolute last claymation figure you’d expect to succumb to the pitfalls of childhood superstardom, has hit rock bottom. Well, sort of.
Earlier this week, a man dressed as the little green guy unsuccessfully tried robbing a 7-Eleven, but the store’s clerk didn’t even flinch. Instead, he laughed it off as a joke when the jolly green humanoid threatened to pull out his gun.
Embarrassingly enough, Gumby couldn’t fit his awkwardly shaped hands into the pocket where his alleged weapon was. He did, however, manage to drop 26 cents of loose change on the floor before dashing out the front door, and into a getaway mini-van.
Gumby is arguably one of the least threatening characters in television history. The dude’s a softy — he’s made of clay, for Christ’s sake. While we’re adamantly against robbing a mini-mart, if you’re going to do it, avoid dressing like the following animated children’s characters.
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5. SpongeBob SquarePants
There’s nothing threatening about a giant sponge. Okay, maybe some undetected bacteria like salmonella, or e. coli. But what are you going to do to the store clerk you’re holding up, scrub him to death?
4. Roger Rabbit
Toontown’s favorite rabbit is a notoriously loose cannon. He’s also incredibly unstable without his Jessica. Roger’s an emotional wreck half the time, and when’s not crying, he’s joking. Funny and criminal don’t go hand-in-hand.
3. Marvin the Martian
You’ve heard Marvin speak, right? He sounds like an IT consultant, the type of guy that’d rather set-up a firewall than shoot a firearm. Not to mention, Marvin the Martian wears a skirt.
2. Quailman
Douglas Yancey Funnie’s alter ego wears underpants over his shorts, and ties a belt around his head. C’mon tough guy.
1. Chuckie Finster
Tommy Pickle’s best friend’s a snot-nosed, teddybear wielding, four-eyed baby who wears diapers. Under no circumstances should Chuckie ever rob a liquor store.
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