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The goal of Halloween is basically to transform yourself into some sort of sexualized version of a movie character, like sexy Darth Vader, or horny version of any profession, for that matter–like sexy garbage man.
It’s doable. It’s the only day of the year you can show every part of your body–short of your genitals–to the world, and not be labeled a total floozy. However, there are actually a handful of costumes that are impossible to make sexy. And we’ve put together a list of those five.
5. Sexy Janet RenoFormer US Attorney General Janet Reno is one seriously cool Miami broad. She’s like one of the greatest senior stateswomen of all time, and she’s got a sense of humor. Only problem is that she’s always fully clothed, and let’s face it, she’s not exactly Marilyn Monroe. So please, no sexy Janet Reno costume this–or any other–year.
4. Sexy Cockroach
Cockroaches scare every woman with their crackly, abundant limbs and crunchy shell. Your boyfriend will feel compelled to crush you instead of mount you.
3. Sexy Rocky DennisYou might remember Rocky from the film Mask? Poor guy. He’s sweet, but there’s no way that head can eclipse any amount of exposed cleavage.
2. Sexy Gorilla
There’s not even one sexy gorilla suit on the web. This here is as raunchy as it gets. You could be like a pervert gorilla, sure, but sexy? Not a chance. After the roach, this is the animal that makes men the least horny.
1. Sexy sanitary napkin
‘Nuff said.
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